El DeBarge, one of my favorite R&B artists, has a song called "The Other Side." I really love this song because it's so hauntingly beautiful and honest. This song has a sadness that also pulls you into, what feel like, madness of the not happy side of love.
I am pretty certain that I am not the only person in this world that has experienced the other side. It's the two sides of the same coin we are dealing with when it comes to love.
For romantic love, you will hurt and I do believe that you wouldn't hurt so much if you didn't pour your heart into loving someone. We want perfect love and because everyone interpretation of "perfect love" varies, we will never attain that which we chase so we learn to compromise but I believe that there is the point where compromise and self destruction meet. Since there is no perfect human love we itemize the things we can deal with and the things that are deal breakers when it comes to relationships. Funny thing is the more you love someone, the more the deal breakers diminish but at some point you look at how disproportionated your itemized list is and you may ask yourself "Where am I?"
We lose ourselves when we love someone so much that the only justification for staying or continuing to love is "we are human". Well, in our humanity, we are flawed and when in love our flaws are magnified. Where do you think most to all of the arguments in relationships originate from? A pointed out or acknowledged flaw or disagreement. A disagreement is not only a difference of opinion but one party basically feeling that the other party is flawed in their judgment or frame of thinking.
WE ARE NOT PERFECT! Other than God, there is not other perfect love.
Humanity has the capacity to save you or destroy that which defines it; YOU, ME. US. We are ever growing in what we think, feel and how we handle life. Love will never cease as long as we remain human. As wonderful as love can be, it can be equally debilitating to one's own heart. Some people think that heartbreak or ache is just emotion or psychological. When your heart breaks, something very real breaks in you and you can even feel it physically. Heartache is a real feeling that can make you lose your break or pass out, throw up, get headaches and many other things. For some people, the other side comes much too often and they can't fathom a good love; just the other side.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
The Weight of the World
There are moments when you find yourself in a place of seclusion. In this place you find that every thought you think has about 5 more thought tacked onto that thought. These overwhelming thoughts snowball out of control until you can't see a solution for any particular problem but you see a blog where no matter what direction you attempt to tackle first, seeking a resolution, you still tend to buckle, stop and ask yourself "What am I doing?"
Well, in all that could go wrong and may go wrong in my life, I try not to wait until the weight of life overwhelms me to get my bearings or to get clarity on what I am trying to do. You have to take time for yourself, daily. May not be hours of time to sit and think about your next steps in a general sense but you can take 5 minutes to say "Okay, where am I and what's next?"
For example, bills
Don't look at everything and say I can't pay all this now and start to worry. Know in advance, 'Bite sizes" and you will feel like you are moving forward instead of sitting in a pile of "I can't" and letting it eat you up.
Every aspect of our lives has the capacity to overwhelm us and sometimes it's unavoidable but worry is just panicking about something that may not even happen or something that is beyond your capabilities to handle. Unless you are apart of the 1% of people who are so wealthy that most days they don't have a care about money, you will have issues with money and that alone is stressful but you have to know that good and bad times fluctuate so find so acknowledge when something is beyond your ability and let it go or turn it over to someone who can help you. Even if someone doesn't pour millions of dollars into your hands, they can get you through the emotional, psychological and mental struggles that will help you deal.
You know, the thing about loving yourself is that when you do, you don't want worry for yourself just as you wouldn't want someone else you love to worry. Care about yourself just as you would care about someone you really love. There is nothing wrong with that. God loves us more than enough and knowing that He cares should make you want to care more about what he cares for. That's my blah blah blah for the day. Until next time, loved ones, learn something new today and if you don't at least teach someone else something new.
Love
Well, in all that could go wrong and may go wrong in my life, I try not to wait until the weight of life overwhelms me to get my bearings or to get clarity on what I am trying to do. You have to take time for yourself, daily. May not be hours of time to sit and think about your next steps in a general sense but you can take 5 minutes to say "Okay, where am I and what's next?"
For example, bills
- What bills do I have?
- What is my priority?
- What can I pay now?
Don't look at everything and say I can't pay all this now and start to worry. Know in advance, 'Bite sizes" and you will feel like you are moving forward instead of sitting in a pile of "I can't" and letting it eat you up.
Every aspect of our lives has the capacity to overwhelm us and sometimes it's unavoidable but worry is just panicking about something that may not even happen or something that is beyond your capabilities to handle. Unless you are apart of the 1% of people who are so wealthy that most days they don't have a care about money, you will have issues with money and that alone is stressful but you have to know that good and bad times fluctuate so find so acknowledge when something is beyond your ability and let it go or turn it over to someone who can help you. Even if someone doesn't pour millions of dollars into your hands, they can get you through the emotional, psychological and mental struggles that will help you deal.
You know, the thing about loving yourself is that when you do, you don't want worry for yourself just as you wouldn't want someone else you love to worry. Care about yourself just as you would care about someone you really love. There is nothing wrong with that. God loves us more than enough and knowing that He cares should make you want to care more about what he cares for. That's my blah blah blah for the day. Until next time, loved ones, learn something new today and if you don't at least teach someone else something new.
Love
Monday, July 25, 2011
THE ANSWER IS "YES!"
Let me get this out the way
so there ain't no complications
later on for us, no
Look, I know things don't stay the same
People grow and seasons change, but
when it comes to love
don't you feel like
you ever gotta worry about
my feelings changing for you all the time
'cause when I say I'm here
girl, I mean it
So when the world and the odds are against us
you won't have to question
The answer is yes
When 2 or 3 years from now
you start having some doubts
about if this love will last
The answer is yes
I'll still think you're beautiful
'cause I'm more attracted to what's inside of you
You don't have to guess
The answer is yes
'Cause I love you
All I care about is your happiness,
so the answer is yes
People just don't stick around (no)
build you up and let you down, but
I'm not one of those, no (girl)
I understand that you've been burned (before)
Honesty is what you deserve (so much more) yea
and so that's what I'm giving you, girl
So when the world and the odds are against us
you won't have to question
The answer is yes
When 2 or 3 years from now
you start having some doubts
about if this love will last
The answer is yes
I'll still think you're beautiful
'cause I'm more attracted to what's inside of you
You don't have to guess
The answer is yes
Now, if you ask
will I go (no)
when you need me most (no)
the answer is no
I'm dedicated to what we have
but will I be here
the way that I promise
I'll say with no fear
The answer is yes
When 2 or 3 years from now
you start having some doubts
about if this love will last
The answer is yes, and
I'll still think you're beautiful
'cause I'm more attracted to what's inside of you
You don't have to guess
The answer is yes
When 2 or 3 years from now
you start having some doubts
about if this love will last
The answer is yes
I'll still think you're beautiful
'cause I'm more attracted to what's inside of you
You don't have to guess
The answer is yes
so there ain't no complications
later on for us, no
Look, I know things don't stay the same
People grow and seasons change, but
when it comes to love
don't you feel like
you ever gotta worry about
my feelings changing for you all the time
'cause when I say I'm here
girl, I mean it
So when the world and the odds are against us
you won't have to question
The answer is yes
When 2 or 3 years from now
you start having some doubts
about if this love will last
The answer is yes
I'll still think you're beautiful
'cause I'm more attracted to what's inside of you
You don't have to guess
The answer is yes
'Cause I love you
All I care about is your happiness,
so the answer is yes
People just don't stick around (no)
build you up and let you down, but
I'm not one of those, no (girl)
I understand that you've been burned (before)
Honesty is what you deserve (so much more) yea
and so that's what I'm giving you, girl
So when the world and the odds are against us
you won't have to question
The answer is yes
When 2 or 3 years from now
you start having some doubts
about if this love will last
The answer is yes
I'll still think you're beautiful
'cause I'm more attracted to what's inside of you
You don't have to guess
The answer is yes
Now, if you ask
will I go (no)
when you need me most (no)
the answer is no
I'm dedicated to what we have
but will I be here
the way that I promise
I'll say with no fear
The answer is yes
When 2 or 3 years from now
you start having some doubts
about if this love will last
The answer is yes, and
I'll still think you're beautiful
'cause I'm more attracted to what's inside of you
You don't have to guess
The answer is yes
When 2 or 3 years from now
you start having some doubts
about if this love will last
The answer is yes
I'll still think you're beautiful
'cause I'm more attracted to what's inside of you
You don't have to guess
The answer is yes
Saturday, July 23, 2011
The "Love" Breakdown.
Many people may say I overdose on the idea of Love but "Why Not?" In our day to day lives we endure images and experiences of drama, hate, violence, despair, contentment, depressions, anxiety, self esteem and so many other factors that make us who we are and also keeps us on the perimeter of our destiny.
I speak of love because I seek to give and receive love, regardless of my current situation. Funny (not funny "haha") thing is, there are some people in my life, probably most people close to me, have this misconception that I'm not sensitive. The truth is I am extremely sensitive and sometimes it overwhelms me. My sensitivity level is not to be mistaken with my capability to honest , forthcoming and assertive when I need to be. I have a tremendous voice and a vast perspective on many things in life but I have a heart for God and when you have a heart that's been broken and mended and broken and mended and broken and mended, this heart becomes fragile. Like many people who have gone through traumatic and challenging experiences, I have had my moments of not wanting to forgive or trust anyone ever again, regardless of who they were but simply put; I'm just not made that way.
As I wrote before, many people may say I overdose on the idea of Love but "Why Not?" Let's break down what love is, shall we?
Love is not necessarily a feeling but the idea that causes certain physical reactions to happen. Love is not imaginary. Love is best expressed though actions and words. Some people think to "make love" is simply the act of a sexual encounter accompanied by emotional attachment. That may not be far from the truth but Making love is more than sex. It's the connection and assurance that you will be with that person through everything. It's the intimacy that happens when you have proven that you are willing to be what they need and what they desire. Making love is a merging of souls, spirits and minds to come to a point of agreeing that the other person is not the dominate source of, not only affection but encouragement, support, dedication, and adoration. Making love is not sex. Sex is sex. Making Love is the physical portion of the relationship that just solidifies what has already been established.
People show love in so many different ways but there are many misconceptions about love and one of the greatest is that both parties have to love each other for the "LOVE" to be valid. The person receiving this outpouring of love must feel it. I do believe that you can love someone who doesn't love you but their acknowledgement of your love isn't required for them to still be loved. Many of us love from a distance. I love LOTS of people from afar. Sometimes, you just have to. No...I don't mean stalking someone. lol. I mean to either feel an affection for someone who, at this time, is not able to be in your life, capable of accepting your love or has soooooooooooo much crap with them you just want them to stay exactly where they are. lol. That last one was specifically for family. lololol. Just kidding. (nodding my head "no")
As for me, I like showing my love. I don't make grand gestures or grand demands but I love my folks. If some don't love me, that's cool, too. I can love them from a distance. I don't need to be in your face everyday for you to know I love you. LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE...it's just pretty sometimes. Sometimes it's looks like a train wreck and feels like one, too. If you can survive it, you will learn soooooo much. I should be a freakin' genious!
later taters!
I speak of love because I seek to give and receive love, regardless of my current situation. Funny (not funny "haha") thing is, there are some people in my life, probably most people close to me, have this misconception that I'm not sensitive. The truth is I am extremely sensitive and sometimes it overwhelms me. My sensitivity level is not to be mistaken with my capability to honest , forthcoming and assertive when I need to be. I have a tremendous voice and a vast perspective on many things in life but I have a heart for God and when you have a heart that's been broken and mended and broken and mended and broken and mended, this heart becomes fragile. Like many people who have gone through traumatic and challenging experiences, I have had my moments of not wanting to forgive or trust anyone ever again, regardless of who they were but simply put; I'm just not made that way.
As I wrote before, many people may say I overdose on the idea of Love but "Why Not?" Let's break down what love is, shall we?
Love is not necessarily a feeling but the idea that causes certain physical reactions to happen. Love is not imaginary. Love is best expressed though actions and words. Some people think to "make love" is simply the act of a sexual encounter accompanied by emotional attachment. That may not be far from the truth but Making love is more than sex. It's the connection and assurance that you will be with that person through everything. It's the intimacy that happens when you have proven that you are willing to be what they need and what they desire. Making love is a merging of souls, spirits and minds to come to a point of agreeing that the other person is not the dominate source of, not only affection but encouragement, support, dedication, and adoration. Making love is not sex. Sex is sex. Making Love is the physical portion of the relationship that just solidifies what has already been established.
People show love in so many different ways but there are many misconceptions about love and one of the greatest is that both parties have to love each other for the "LOVE" to be valid. The person receiving this outpouring of love must feel it. I do believe that you can love someone who doesn't love you but their acknowledgement of your love isn't required for them to still be loved. Many of us love from a distance. I love LOTS of people from afar. Sometimes, you just have to. No...I don't mean stalking someone. lol. I mean to either feel an affection for someone who, at this time, is not able to be in your life, capable of accepting your love or has soooooooooooo much crap with them you just want them to stay exactly where they are. lol. That last one was specifically for family. lololol. Just kidding. (nodding my head "no")
As for me, I like showing my love. I don't make grand gestures or grand demands but I love my folks. If some don't love me, that's cool, too. I can love them from a distance. I don't need to be in your face everyday for you to know I love you. LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE...it's just pretty sometimes. Sometimes it's looks like a train wreck and feels like one, too. If you can survive it, you will learn soooooo much. I should be a freakin' genious!
later taters!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
New Poetry - "Head Tilt"
Head Tilt
Written by: TRU Essence,
Copyright 2011
it enters my ears and saturates my essence
shutting out the ambient noises of life as it is happening around me
panning from the left then to the right
my mind is pulsating with that which forms images of what I thought my heart felt for you
in stereo, I hear the same 10 chords playing over and over
this melody;
this harmony;
this song plays out my cycle of love with you
love for you
love left by you
rhythmic patterns enter at the moment my heart begins to faint
bringing me into a place of exhaustion and complex happiness
words bringing me sadness from memories of you
music making me smile for having known you
having loved you
just having you
In stereo, I hear the same 10 chords playing over and over
this melody;
this harmony;
this song haunts me with a beautifully devastating message of a closeness, now gone
for a few moments I gave in to the melody
I hit repeat to keep reality at bay
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
I MADE IT!!! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!! I'M AWESOME! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAY...I MADE IT!
It's my birthday and the world is awesome! I'm happy to say that it feels good to see another year. This is a great day to look back on the past year and say goodbye to the things I've left behind. As I look forward, I'm am nervous but excited about what's to come and who I will encounter as I move forward. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEE!
With all of the birthday wishes I have received today, one stood out for me and I love it! My friend in London (by way of Jamaica) wished me a Happy Earthstrong Day!!!! AWWWWWWWWWWWESOME!!!! No one had ever wished me a Happy Earthstrong Day and of course I asked for clarity. He said "Your still going strong on God's earth..." Ummm, that is fantastic!!! I read another explanation of Earthstrong and it read "The day one arrives on Earth, Strong enough to survive, live to see another birthday - the date the earth was blessed with one's presence." This gives me such a new outlook on birthdays and celebrating my strength among a world of people and occurrences that have the capacity to weaken the body and spirit. So, to all my friends, near and far, celebrating a birthday today, this week, this month, this year...I say to you, "HAPPY EARTHSTRONG DAY"!!!!!!!!!! May you grow stronger each day. Blessings and Peace, loved ones!!!!
Stay TRU! (^_^)
With all of the birthday wishes I have received today, one stood out for me and I love it! My friend in London (by way of Jamaica) wished me a Happy Earthstrong Day!!!! AWWWWWWWWWWWESOME!!!! No one had ever wished me a Happy Earthstrong Day and of course I asked for clarity. He said "Your still going strong on God's earth..." Ummm, that is fantastic!!! I read another explanation of Earthstrong and it read "The day one arrives on Earth, Strong enough to survive, live to see another birthday - the date the earth was blessed with one's presence." This gives me such a new outlook on birthdays and celebrating my strength among a world of people and occurrences that have the capacity to weaken the body and spirit. So, to all my friends, near and far, celebrating a birthday today, this week, this month, this year...I say to you, "HAPPY EARTHSTRONG DAY"!!!!!!!!!! May you grow stronger each day. Blessings and Peace, loved ones!!!!
Stay TRU! (^_^)
Monday, July 11, 2011
I accept today.
It's been a rather melancholy week. I don't think I'm sad like I was last week. I'm just here. Although I have a lot on my mind, my thoughts are not cluttered like they were last week. If I'm blessed, tomorrow I will see my 37th years on this planet. That's pretty good. I don't mind it. It's kinda bittersweet for me but I'm going to accept the sweet. I'm not where I thought I'd be at this time last year but then again, I'm not the woman I was last year so I'm grateful for everything I've experienced (good and bad) over the last year.
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I cannot say I'm the happiest I've ever been but I'm really okay. I'm more than okay. It may not necessarily show on my face but my heart is so full of gratitude and adoration for God. I see my friends moving on and building families and I think, sometimes, "Why not me?" then I remember that I'm not them. I can only be me so their paths are not designed to carry my footsteps and they can't walk my path. I have always said that I desire clarity for my purpose and what it is I'm suppose to be but I think I was looking for some sort of finite idea of who I am to be and the truth is...I will never attain a finite idea or definition of who Tru is. I am ever evolving into the next phase of this woman. The words I write and say today will be but a memory tomorrow and new words will shape new thoughts and ideas. I'm okay with that. So, tomorrow, I may laugh. Tomorrow, I may cry. Tomorrow, I may be quiet or rant for the entire day but one thing I know for sure is if I see tomorrow, I will thank God. I will thank him for
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37 years of life
37 years of love
37 years of tears
37 years of laughter
37 years of happy moments
37 years of sorrowful moments
37 years of growth
37 years of wisdom
37 years of family
37 years of friends
37 years of knowing who to keep close and which ones to let go of
37 years of breath.
37 years of thought
37 years of hope
37 years of gratitude
37 years of being...all of the above.
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As much as I have had to endure over my 37 years, some of which I would never wish on any enemy in this world, I will say this... I wouldn't trade my life or the woman I have become for anything in this world.
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I cannot say I'm the happiest I've ever been but I'm really okay. I'm more than okay. It may not necessarily show on my face but my heart is so full of gratitude and adoration for God. I see my friends moving on and building families and I think, sometimes, "Why not me?" then I remember that I'm not them. I can only be me so their paths are not designed to carry my footsteps and they can't walk my path. I have always said that I desire clarity for my purpose and what it is I'm suppose to be but I think I was looking for some sort of finite idea of who I am to be and the truth is...I will never attain a finite idea or definition of who Tru is. I am ever evolving into the next phase of this woman. The words I write and say today will be but a memory tomorrow and new words will shape new thoughts and ideas. I'm okay with that. So, tomorrow, I may laugh. Tomorrow, I may cry. Tomorrow, I may be quiet or rant for the entire day but one thing I know for sure is if I see tomorrow, I will thank God. I will thank him for
37 years of life
37 years of love
37 years of tears
37 years of laughter
37 years of happy moments
37 years of sorrowful moments
37 years of growth
37 years of wisdom
37 years of family
37 years of friends
37 years of knowing who to keep close and which ones to let go of
37 years of breath.
37 years of thought
37 years of hope
37 years of gratitude
37 years of being...all of the above.
As much as I have had to endure over my 37 years, some of which I would never wish on any enemy in this world, I will say this... I wouldn't trade my life or the woman I have become for anything in this world.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
I Wanna Love the Way I Do.
I wanna sing.
I wanna be happy.
I wanna dance.
I wanna be happy.
I wanna draw.
I wanna be happy.
I wanna write.
I wanna be happy.
I wanna play.
I wanna be happy.
I wanna talk.
I wanna be happy.
I will pray.
I will be happy.
I'm sitting here thinking about all that I would like to do with my life. I know it's not too late to do any or all of what I want to do or too late to be who I want to become. I have had many stumbling blocks; physical, psychological and spiritual but I persevere. I have to. I have had some wonderful people come into my life and some of them have either departed this life or just departed my life but I have learned something from them all. I have learned that I am a talented young woman and that the way I love people means something to me. Even if my love is not reciprocated or at least accepted, I can move forward knowing that I have an extraordinary capacity to love people. I hesitated to pour my heart into people but all I can say now is you get the love back that you put in. Even if the people you pour your love into don't return it, there is always someone waiting to give you back interest on your return.
Last year, I let go of a few people who were friends. I didn't want to but I guess some things we have little control over. Now I have so many wonderful people in my life that I never expected but have become great friends. They let me laugh and cry (at Denny's over breakfast!!!! lol wink!). They let me pout and sulk. They let me talk and be quiet and most of all they know my love and comfort me when I'm hurt. You know when you love people without hesitation or caution you seem more susceptible to being hurt and since I don't want to love less I know I will be hurt. These friends help me deal with the anticipation of hurt but encourage me to not dwell and be a better version of myself.
God knows what and who I need. I'm glad He never runs out of resources!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Hitting My Literary Stride
I love writing. Anyone who has ever received a note, letter, commentary or any written correspondence from me knows my love for formulating thoughts and ideas via written words. It's pretty darn awesome, I must say. I am finally sitting down to the several novels I started a while ago and embracing them again.
One of the books I'm writing is very emotional for me and the crazy thing about it is that I'm picking up, emotionally, from where I left off a couple of years ago. What I mean by that is when I was writing the book before, there were parts that, literally, made me cry as I was writing and when I was looking over my pages yesterday, I found myself being touched by the words on the page. It was surreal; as if I didn't write the words myself. I hope that, when I finish writing this first book, everyone who reads it will feel similarly about it as I do. I have 3 works in progress. I would like to complete at least 2 before the end of the year but I'm pushing for all 3 and some of the short stories and short film projects I'd like to complete. I feel good about writing at this point in my life.
The first book was originally going to be about the women in my family (mom's side of the family) and their likenesses and differences as women, wives, mothers and their relationships with one another but I turned more towards my life for some insight into the thoughts of my main character. This book isn't about me but the main character has a heart similar to mine so I can write for her with no problem. It is still a family story kind of book but has a wonderful story.
My second book is about the love affair between a woman and a young man, not quite 18 years old, and how this relationship affected the life and the relationships this woman had with family and friends and the toll it took on her career. How much is she willing to sacrifice for what some called a "stupid decision" and what she called "unstoppable desire"? We'll see.
The third book is more personal to me. This one is more truth than fiction but I won't say which is fact or fiction right now. lol. You'll have to read it to know. I like this book, especially because while writing it, I'm learning more about myself as a person, a lover, a friend, a sister and a daughter. This is about finding, loving, losing, longing and letting go of the love of my life. It'll be sad, of course, but I think it's so much in the book that is good, fun and enlightening to people on how to love yourself enough to not hate someone who has hurt you. For me, it's a healing experience so I can't wait to finish it. This is the book that 40 years from now, my family will read and they will be able to connect with Tru, the person and not just Tru, the writer.
I'll keep ya posted on my progress. Gonna go home now and do some writing. Until next time, loved ones...
~Stay TRU
One of the books I'm writing is very emotional for me and the crazy thing about it is that I'm picking up, emotionally, from where I left off a couple of years ago. What I mean by that is when I was writing the book before, there were parts that, literally, made me cry as I was writing and when I was looking over my pages yesterday, I found myself being touched by the words on the page. It was surreal; as if I didn't write the words myself. I hope that, when I finish writing this first book, everyone who reads it will feel similarly about it as I do. I have 3 works in progress. I would like to complete at least 2 before the end of the year but I'm pushing for all 3 and some of the short stories and short film projects I'd like to complete. I feel good about writing at this point in my life.
The first book was originally going to be about the women in my family (mom's side of the family) and their likenesses and differences as women, wives, mothers and their relationships with one another but I turned more towards my life for some insight into the thoughts of my main character. This book isn't about me but the main character has a heart similar to mine so I can write for her with no problem. It is still a family story kind of book but has a wonderful story.
My second book is about the love affair between a woman and a young man, not quite 18 years old, and how this relationship affected the life and the relationships this woman had with family and friends and the toll it took on her career. How much is she willing to sacrifice for what some called a "stupid decision" and what she called "unstoppable desire"? We'll see.
The third book is more personal to me. This one is more truth than fiction but I won't say which is fact or fiction right now. lol. You'll have to read it to know. I like this book, especially because while writing it, I'm learning more about myself as a person, a lover, a friend, a sister and a daughter. This is about finding, loving, losing, longing and letting go of the love of my life. It'll be sad, of course, but I think it's so much in the book that is good, fun and enlightening to people on how to love yourself enough to not hate someone who has hurt you. For me, it's a healing experience so I can't wait to finish it. This is the book that 40 years from now, my family will read and they will be able to connect with Tru, the person and not just Tru, the writer.
I'll keep ya posted on my progress. Gonna go home now and do some writing. Until next time, loved ones...
~Stay TRU
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Rabble Rabble Rabble!
I'm drained. I'm exhausted. I'm hungry and I wanna go home.
Hey! I think I'll do just that! Until next time loved one...
Stay TRU
Monday, May 9, 2011
With Regards
I'm getting back into my song writing and poetry. I'm shaking off feelings so the next few days may appear to have sadness in it but I'm an artist and you all know we suffer for our craft. lol But this is just what I've written about that moment when you realize you've wasted to much time being sad and it's simply time to proceed with life. Hope you like it.
Dear You,
This is the last I put pen to pad;
writing about what we once had
and how it all turned out so bad.
Dear You,
I've been shaken up; emotions stirred
now I take this time to give my final word to you
I don't blame you, nor I, for giving love a try
but it seems the whole time the truth was denied
about how you really felt and what you thought I wanted.
you told me anything so you wouldn't be confronted
about how you said one thing but you showed me another
and you neglected to say I was not your only lover
and now, with regards to you
I'm letting go
the process was slow
but here I am now with regards to you
I still cry but the tears don't stay
I just wipe them away
and move on.
In regards to my heart,
I look for a brand new start
now that we are apart
I know it's a good thing.
Lost love may sting and again will come Spring
and I will be okay.
With regards,
Me
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Feeling Pretty Okay Because I'm Under a New Authority
I have had a pretty cool week, so far. At the moment I'm listening to the new Mary Mary CD, Something Big, and it's soooooo encouraging. It speaks to the confidence one should have in who they are, who they are designed to be and accepting the gifts God has given them with the assurance that He will provide them with all they require to fulfil their destiny, in Jesus' Name!
Have you ever admitted to having a spirit of fear? Maybe you have but the next question is "Have you embraced that spirit of fear or have you decided to conquer it?"
I was in Bible study last night and we began a series of The Fear Factor: Conquering Fear, Releasing Faith, Discovering Divine Freedom. In short, the fear spoken of was not a natural reaction of surprise of nervousness to dogs or spiders or many of the phobias that humans may suffer from. We discussed the spirit of fear. Just as you can live your life under the authority of the Holy Spirit, you can live your life under the authority of the spirit of fear.
We touched on the idea of fearing God and it was explained by Pastor Tanya (Crossover Church, Hyattsville, MD) that the fear of God is not meant to be scared of God but to stand in awe of him; a reverential fear.
We discussed that a "factor" is not the whole of anything but a part so one of the factors that could be prohibiting your predestined growth is fear.
II Timothy 1:1-7 is Paul speaking to Timothy in an encouraging manor, not rebuking him, to let him know that he's done so much and to stay encouraged and not to allow a spirit of fear to overtake him.
Pastor Tanya (great teacher) used two examples of words used for "Spirit".
Kardia - refers to the center of all spiritual life and addresses the heart of a person (passions, desires, emotions)
and
Pneuma - the breath/Life of God (Reference Scripture John 14:16 & 17)
When Paul told Timothy God hasn't given you a spirit of fear he was not referring to the Kardia. As explained by our teacher, Paul referred to pneuma. Just as Pneuma (big "P") is breath of God/The Holy Spirit, pneuma (little "p") refers to the breath or spirit of another. Think about it this way, when we worship God we use the big "G" but when we refer to people who worship idol or other gods when use "g". Same principle with pneuma. God has not given you the pneuma. He gave us Pneuma!
Depending on which term you operate under will determine your source of living. Do you operate under the authority of the Holy Spirit (Pneuma) or the spirit of fear (pneuma)? Which ever spirit you operate under is the controlling spirit in your life. if it's the Holy Spirit you operate under the Power, Love and Self Discipline. If you operate under the spirit of fear that's what you get. FEAR; constant doubt, uncertainty, fear or failing, fear of succeeding, fear of not looking right, fear of not being qualified, fear of not being good enough, fear of no one loving you...the list goes on.
I admonish all my friends and even someone who reads this and doesn't know me, let this be the day we start conquering fear and living under God's breath of life. We can be who God designed us to be. I admit to allowing the spirit of fear to control my life.
Ha...not anymore!
I want God's Fresh Breath....not that stinky breath of fear. lol. Stay TRU Loved ones!
Have you ever admitted to having a spirit of fear? Maybe you have but the next question is "Have you embraced that spirit of fear or have you decided to conquer it?"
I was in Bible study last night and we began a series of The Fear Factor: Conquering Fear, Releasing Faith, Discovering Divine Freedom. In short, the fear spoken of was not a natural reaction of surprise of nervousness to dogs or spiders or many of the phobias that humans may suffer from. We discussed the spirit of fear. Just as you can live your life under the authority of the Holy Spirit, you can live your life under the authority of the spirit of fear.
We touched on the idea of fearing God and it was explained by Pastor Tanya (Crossover Church, Hyattsville, MD) that the fear of God is not meant to be scared of God but to stand in awe of him; a reverential fear.
We discussed that a "factor" is not the whole of anything but a part so one of the factors that could be prohibiting your predestined growth is fear.
II Timothy 1:1-7 is Paul speaking to Timothy in an encouraging manor, not rebuking him, to let him know that he's done so much and to stay encouraged and not to allow a spirit of fear to overtake him.
Pastor Tanya (great teacher) used two examples of words used for "Spirit".
Kardia - refers to the center of all spiritual life and addresses the heart of a person (passions, desires, emotions)
and
Pneuma - the breath/Life of God (Reference Scripture John 14:16 & 17)
When Paul told Timothy God hasn't given you a spirit of fear he was not referring to the Kardia. As explained by our teacher, Paul referred to pneuma. Just as Pneuma (big "P") is breath of God/The Holy Spirit, pneuma (little "p") refers to the breath or spirit of another. Think about it this way, when we worship God we use the big "G" but when we refer to people who worship idol or other gods when use "g". Same principle with pneuma. God has not given you the pneuma. He gave us Pneuma!
Depending on which term you operate under will determine your source of living. Do you operate under the authority of the Holy Spirit (Pneuma) or the spirit of fear (pneuma)? Which ever spirit you operate under is the controlling spirit in your life. if it's the Holy Spirit you operate under the Power, Love and Self Discipline. If you operate under the spirit of fear that's what you get. FEAR; constant doubt, uncertainty, fear or failing, fear of succeeding, fear of not looking right, fear of not being qualified, fear of not being good enough, fear of no one loving you...the list goes on.
I admonish all my friends and even someone who reads this and doesn't know me, let this be the day we start conquering fear and living under God's breath of life. We can be who God designed us to be. I admit to allowing the spirit of fear to control my life.
Ha...not anymore!
I want God's Fresh Breath....not that stinky breath of fear. lol. Stay TRU Loved ones!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Are you the cause of someone's heartbreak?
I haven't blogged in a while or not as frequently as I like to but I felt compelled to express myself today. I speak of love and have shared my stories (not full disclosure but enough) of heartbreak and heartache and through all of that I have tried to be honest with myself about my roll in my heartbreak. When your heart gets broken, whether from a break up, inability to reach the one you love or timing, you try to see where you went wrong. Not that you really did anything wrong in particular but I guess you try to see where you should have noticed a change or picked up on the other persons language (verbal and body) or just trusted your instincts that something is wrong.
I have spent much time, during all my heartbreaks, trying to crack the code for when to know a relationship (be it friendship or romantic) is winding down to it's final moments. Not many people can feel it coming. I always do. This is not to say I'm breaking up with someone every other week but I have had important relationships end and I was broken. I still hold love for these people but I know you have to love people from a far sometimes and as hurt and mad as I may have been, ya know, with each day...it does get better. Once you may think you'll never laugh again and guess what...one day you can't stop laughing. Once you may think that person was the only one for you then you look up one day and you're raising an eyebrow at an attractive person and after a while...looky here, you're loving someone new. I guess for me the challenge I discuss with my friends is what lessons are learned from these experiences. 
In the middle of heartbreak, the most rational person sounds crazy to you and the craziest ideas and thoughts seem to make sense. Love can truly knock you down. For those who have created a life of habit in breaking other's hearts, I beseech you, please find what you want before it's too late. Have some compassion for the feelings of those who love you. Don't just hurt because you feel you can get away with it. Search inside and find that thing or person that causes you to truly love and respect the same in others. One mistake many of us make is allowing a person to cause us to distort our own vision of love and relationships. Don't allow other's inconsideration to be what determines your happiness in the future. Mourn the loss but afterwards, celebrate new beginnings.
I have been through it (heartbreak) enough to know that I can get through it and I tell others, you will get to the other side. We all will if we trust that God will guide us there.
As much as I know heartache, one of the worse feelings is to feel that you may be a part of someone else's heartache. Each night I pray that God give me clarity in my steps even when the world doesn't understand why I make the decisions I make, if i feel God has not left my side then I trust he will catch me if I fall and correct me when I'm wrong. Honestly, I don't know too many people who really think about what they do. They find someone to blame or place fault with others but the truth starts with how honest we all are with ourselves. I am not surprised by people anymore but when I start becoming surprised at myself, it's time to re-evaluate my path. To all my friends and those who read this that I may not know, I pray for comfort for your heart. I pray for healing for your soul. I pray for sunshine after your rain. I pray for the next time you smile again. this song has touched me and I hope it touch you also. May God be with you all.
"I Smile" - Kirk Franklin
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Ladies Love Day!
This is not an official holiday, no, but maybe it should be. I'm not going to complain here (though it will appear that I am. haha) but every time I turn around I hear a woman speaking negatively about another woman and without cause. This is one of my biggest pet peeves. We have allowed ourselves to has such self doubt that we doubt each other. If I'm sure of myself, I don't feel the need to look at another woman with suspicion but the problem is that this is the world we live in. smh...I think I'm going to set up a day of events for some friends where we hang out, do something fun, have time to talk about life "stuffs" and find great ways to encourage one another instead of finding fault with each other. Being a woman is tough. We should make it tougher for each other.
Yep, Ladies Love Day. I like that.
Yep, Ladies Love Day. I like that.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
WELCOME TO THE SECOND INSTALLMENT OF TARA: 30 SOMETHING, SINGLE IN THE CITY AND SOMETIMES DISGUSTED
As I move effortlessly into 2011, I find myself questioning the goals I have set for myself this year. To question these goal on the 11th day of the 1st month is quite daunting. Granted, I will go through this feeling at least 300 more days this year. Ha, funny thing is that as I type this, I am listening to Jango.com and Richard Smallwood's song "Healing" just came on. The first line to the song is "Don't be discouraged."
Whatever I was going to write has just transformed into encouragement for those going through something. This life will challenge us and we all need some kind of healing and as Richard sings in his song, there is a balm in Gilead to heal the soul.
"There's healing for your sorrow;
Healing for your pain;
healing for your spirit and shelter from the rain.
Lord, send a healing.
For this we know, there is a balm in Gilead to heal your soul."
I am encouraged for not only myself but for everyone who longs for change in their lives. We are not blessed according to what we done or even who we are but WHOSE we are. God's love is so remarkable, unchangeable, unshakable and unmovable. We try to have a love like this but most times fall short. Loved ones, there is something in each and everyone of us that reaches for something or someone to give us an indication that we are on the right path for our life. We are only human and we make mistakes. Anyone willing to condemn someone for being human with a reasonable margin of mistakes don't understand their own level of humanity. We tend to want to be forgiven but are slow to forgive others and those who say they don't care if someone forgives them is only fooling themselves and have no intentions on extending forgiveness to others. We forget that even in our pray to the Father, We agree and make a pledge, basically, that God should forgive us as we forgive others. How many people say that prayer and has yet to forgive someone but expect God to wash away each sin and cast them into the sea of forgetfulness? Too many, I feel.
Even more, we tend to forget to forgive ourselves. In my mind, the biggest part of moving past obstacles and finding the ability to accomplish goals and achieve our dreams is to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings, our doubts, our weaknesses and anything we think is imperfect about ourselves. The funniest (hmmmm funny, not haha funny) thing about all of this forgiving and imperfection is that no one walking this earth is perfect. Not one. So many people fall and stay down without even an attempt to get back up so when someone comes and tries to encourage them to move, stand, start moving, they are so used to being down that they don't understand why anyone would want them to stand and move. Some people don't even know how to stand anymore. I feel like that is me sometimes but I do know how to stand up. I do know how to move. I learn more and more each day that I am more than my shortcomings. I am more than that thing I called a failure. I am more than the looks I get from people when I think they don't like me. I am more. I have absolutely no clue what God has in store for me this year.
A few years ago I thought that by 2011 I would be done with school, in a relationship and have my own business. Well I'm not done with school. I'm not in a relationship. I am restructuring the business I started a few years back so that I can move forward. I feel God's hand on my life. I don't want to mess up. I feel bad sometimes. My emotions teeter between knowing and understanding my position and feeling bad for not grasping all He's made available to and for me. For the latter portion, I forgive myself. He's granted us one more day. Let's take it and make it what it should be. Be blessed loved ones.
Next time, I'm sure I'll have a story that entertain you with more TARA: 30 SOMETHING, SINGLE IN THE CITY AND DISGUSTED . The disgusted part basically deals with something I have done, haven't done or the general attitude or actions of other crazy people. Should be fun.
MUAH!!!!!
Whatever I was going to write has just transformed into encouragement for those going through something. This life will challenge us and we all need some kind of healing and as Richard sings in his song, there is a balm in Gilead to heal the soul.
"There's healing for your sorrow;
Healing for your pain;
healing for your spirit and shelter from the rain.
Lord, send a healing.
For this we know, there is a balm in Gilead to heal your soul."
I am encouraged for not only myself but for everyone who longs for change in their lives. We are not blessed according to what we done or even who we are but WHOSE we are. God's love is so remarkable, unchangeable, unshakable and unmovable. We try to have a love like this but most times fall short. Loved ones, there is something in each and everyone of us that reaches for something or someone to give us an indication that we are on the right path for our life. We are only human and we make mistakes. Anyone willing to condemn someone for being human with a reasonable margin of mistakes don't understand their own level of humanity. We tend to want to be forgiven but are slow to forgive others and those who say they don't care if someone forgives them is only fooling themselves and have no intentions on extending forgiveness to others. We forget that even in our pray to the Father, We agree and make a pledge, basically, that God should forgive us as we forgive others. How many people say that prayer and has yet to forgive someone but expect God to wash away each sin and cast them into the sea of forgetfulness? Too many, I feel.
Even more, we tend to forget to forgive ourselves. In my mind, the biggest part of moving past obstacles and finding the ability to accomplish goals and achieve our dreams is to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings, our doubts, our weaknesses and anything we think is imperfect about ourselves. The funniest (hmmmm funny, not haha funny) thing about all of this forgiving and imperfection is that no one walking this earth is perfect. Not one. So many people fall and stay down without even an attempt to get back up so when someone comes and tries to encourage them to move, stand, start moving, they are so used to being down that they don't understand why anyone would want them to stand and move. Some people don't even know how to stand anymore. I feel like that is me sometimes but I do know how to stand up. I do know how to move. I learn more and more each day that I am more than my shortcomings. I am more than that thing I called a failure. I am more than the looks I get from people when I think they don't like me. I am more. I have absolutely no clue what God has in store for me this year.
A few years ago I thought that by 2011 I would be done with school, in a relationship and have my own business. Well I'm not done with school. I'm not in a relationship. I am restructuring the business I started a few years back so that I can move forward. I feel God's hand on my life. I don't want to mess up. I feel bad sometimes. My emotions teeter between knowing and understanding my position and feeling bad for not grasping all He's made available to and for me. For the latter portion, I forgive myself. He's granted us one more day. Let's take it and make it what it should be. Be blessed loved ones.
Next time, I'm sure I'll have a story that entertain you with more TARA: 30 SOMETHING, SINGLE IN THE CITY AND DISGUSTED . The disgusted part basically deals with something I have done, haven't done or the general attitude or actions of other crazy people. Should be fun.
MUAH!!!!!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
"Shall Old Aquaintance be forgot..."
And we are now in the year 2011 and it is such an awesome place to be. I remember at one time in my life when I was excited and wondered how it would feel to see 1990; then 2000; and now we are in 2011. Loved ones, I am simply grateful for this moment.
Anyone who has been with me over the last few years knows that the last two years or so have been some of the toughest years I have had. 2010 started with a love for someone else and 2011 has started with an undying love for myself. 2010 started with fear and no job and financial struggle. 2011 has started with hopefulness and full time employments that allows me to take care of many things that will help make this year an awesome year. 2010 began with a prayer thanking God for keeping me and asking him to help get me to where He wants to see me. 2011 begins with the same prayer from the same heart and thankful lips. 2010 began with people in my life that, as 2011 begins, are no longer visual in my world. I thank God for their presence but I'm even more grateful for the new people that have become a part of my family.
In 2010, I have had to embrace and release love. I have had to reveal pain so that it may be released and I can forgive others and myself. In 2010, I have embraced change in my lifestyle regarding my health and will continue to do so in 2011. Lessons have taught me to not be as transparent in the new year but never be afraid to expose my heart when it comes to loving someone and to acknowledge when I am hurting so that someone may help catch the tears if I need them but I am praying that any tears falling in 2011 will be from happiness more than pain.
I am embracing my gifts. I am loving my talents. I am feeling my beauty and accepting the beautiful, sensual, loving, intelligent, unbelievable woman I am and I am to be. I pray anyone who enters my life from this point on will be a part of the plan to develop TRU's positive and caring future. I want to help more people; give more; show more love; dry more tears; teach more and reach more.
I am wishing everyone in my path and peripheral a grand and phenomenal New Year!
It starts now...let's get to work!!!
xoxox...Stay TRU!!!
Anyone who has been with me over the last few years knows that the last two years or so have been some of the toughest years I have had. 2010 started with a love for someone else and 2011 has started with an undying love for myself. 2010 started with fear and no job and financial struggle. 2011 has started with hopefulness and full time employments that allows me to take care of many things that will help make this year an awesome year. 2010 began with a prayer thanking God for keeping me and asking him to help get me to where He wants to see me. 2011 begins with the same prayer from the same heart and thankful lips. 2010 began with people in my life that, as 2011 begins, are no longer visual in my world. I thank God for their presence but I'm even more grateful for the new people that have become a part of my family.
In 2010, I have had to embrace and release love. I have had to reveal pain so that it may be released and I can forgive others and myself. In 2010, I have embraced change in my lifestyle regarding my health and will continue to do so in 2011. Lessons have taught me to not be as transparent in the new year but never be afraid to expose my heart when it comes to loving someone and to acknowledge when I am hurting so that someone may help catch the tears if I need them but I am praying that any tears falling in 2011 will be from happiness more than pain.
I am embracing my gifts. I am loving my talents. I am feeling my beauty and accepting the beautiful, sensual, loving, intelligent, unbelievable woman I am and I am to be. I pray anyone who enters my life from this point on will be a part of the plan to develop TRU's positive and caring future. I want to help more people; give more; show more love; dry more tears; teach more and reach more.
I am wishing everyone in my path and peripheral a grand and phenomenal New Year!
It starts now...let's get to work!!!
xoxox...Stay TRU!!!
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