BIPOLAR LOVE PERSPECTIVE

Life's Love Lesson #907389 

Bipolar Love Perspective

So I confess that I'm rather bipolar when it comes to love. I love and hate the idea of it. The confession of wanting love and needing love often is overshadowed by the feelings of resentment of having opening loved in the past. I want to shut love off but keep the tap open in case I should find myself in a position to embrace someone who truly loves me. SMH.

I don't want to dismiss the possibilities of encountering that unexpected love source while at the same time not looking and trying to avoid love like the plague. It's pretty terrible though I'm pretty happy at the same time. Even though you may long for a love you also can celebrate the lack of drama and worry that comes with relationship/love anxiety. For now, I have no worries about if someone loves me enough. I'm working on loving myself. It's pretty awesome.

Currently, the time I would normally take thinking of, talking about, or enacting my own perception of the perfect love, I am working on business opportunities that I had to force myself to accept because of the doubt I had about myself. Now, my confidence is greater because I realize how talented I really am. Still apprehensive sometimes but I am actively building up my confidence, my knowledge and my brand. I have a new group of clients that will be depending on me heavily in the coming months and I'm excited.

I'm excited because I get to be creative in my own projects but with my new clients, I get to put on my management hat again. Setting up my business, my clients' business will bring more clients in the next year. I have such a vast set of skills I'm trying to cultivate and though it may seem selfish, right now is he perfect time for me to dive into myself to work, enjoy life and be my own best friend. Could I do all of this while maintaining a relationship? Of course but for now I need tunnel vision. Relationships involve other people and that can yield unpredictable drama that I just don't have time for. As I grow older, I'm more forward with my thoughts and perspectives. This will lead me to being more confrontation than I have been in the past so for now, I need to be focused on business. It's pretty great.

The few interests I've had this year have been great but since I'm not chasing anyone (which is a huge mistake for us (women) many times in the first place) I have been able to focus on myself and my goals. I told my friend the other day that I don't trust people so it's easier for me, now , to let go of people. I know. I know. I'm not bitter. I just simply don't believed the words that come out of people's mouths so I don't hold on to many things that could potentially hurt my feelings later. lol. Crazy, right? For now, that's how I rationalize things.

Wait. What was I talking about again?

Oh, Bipolar Perspective on Love.

Anyway, Love is alright, if you truly have it. If you do, don't fuck it up. If you don't, hold on. It'll come but in the meantime, LIVE LIFE FULLY!

As for me, I'm still seeking that supernatural love.

Loving this group here. King. Awesome! I want to be like Paris. She's the producer and musician. #CAREERGOALS

"MR. CHAMELEON"

"HEY"

"THE STORY"
This is my real goal. Peace out!!!!

WHY DO WE, HOW DO WE, WHY WON'T WE TRULY LOVE?

How does one measure love? We all have different standards by which we quantify love. How effective are our measures and are the findings true or are they fabricated to convince us that our efforts to create or find perfected love is not in vain.

Turns out that I simply don't care anymore.


Well, maybe I shouldn't say anymore but for now.

The lesson learned about love is sometimes that we feel certain ways about it but allow how we feel to override what you know and that can be dangerous.  Sometimes we want to override knowledge to satisfy our momentary thirsts, desires, bitterness, detachment or whatever you battle with. For now, I'm laying down my battle gear and crawling under the covers and letting the rest of the world figure out what love is, isn't, should be or shouldn't be. It's strange to know that one day you can feel so much about how wonderful love is and could be and the next day a hardening has happened to the places that were once soft and pliable; always ready to accept and embrace whatever love meant to you.

I don't think it's a broken heart more than a revelation of how humans operate under the guise and the knowledge of how love works or how other people love that has halted my desire to love and be loved. I don't think that desire ever really goes away no matter how you try to convince yourself that you are protecting your heart. My personal issue is (and I don't mind sharing it with you) I just don't believe people anymore. The bad part is you could actually be telling me the truth and I just won't believe you. I'm not bitter about it. I just don't care to plead a case why I do or don't believe anyone. Show me and you will convince me. Tell me and I'm still not sold.

Some people manufacture love based on what they need to get from the other person. The word "LOVE", in my opinion, is vastly overused and misused. I don't mean to sound bitter or anything because I'm really not. I'm actually happy for the most part. My woes are more about my purpose and place in this world, not with a man so I'm good.

I'm all for talking it out and expressing feeling but when you have done that so many times and is basically transparent and things still blow up in your face you kinda want to just go lie down. lol.
Let the rest of the world deal with the issues.

You can't escape your issues but for now, you can just take a breather and rest.

Love will be there, somewhere, when you're ready but I'm going to crawl under my covers and rest.