Things fall apart.

Sometimes I feel that I'm the only one who loves like I do;
who cares like I do;
who sees life like I do.

Sometimes I feel that life will make me jaded and cruel;
a heartless fool;
unknowingly confused.

Mind over matter cannot ease the pain
of the hail storms that came
before it even began to rain.

deep love seems to be invisible;
often discarded with last night's waste
or purposely forgotten or misplaced.

I have been told that 'true love endures';
true love is pure;
I am not so sure.

If I never see tomorrow, would love care?
Would love care?
Would love care?

If I lived to see forever, would love be there?
Would it look towards a blank wall and stare?
Would it hold on as we travel through the air?

If things fall apart, can they be repaired?
Could love again be shared?
Should I even dare?




copyright 2010, Tru Essence

I trust me more than I trust you.

Today's blog isn't about the fun warm and fuzzy love that I would normally blog about. Today, I want to go away. I want to go away from everything and everybody. The people I normally rely on to make me, I don't know, (Sane?) are making me think that they think that I should doubt myself and what I feel. Say that 5 times fast.

Maybe I'm too emotional. Maybe I miss things. Maybe my feelings are not meant to be felt so deeply and maybe I should ignore my instincts and just let things be. See, the thing is I trust me and though sometimes I'm not always on point about something, I think about whatever it is that I question and wait for it to reveal itself (which it does most of the time). Whether it's about relationships, career, education or picking out a pair of shoes, gut feelings are gut feelings and should not be ignored. Always listen to the initial feeling you get about something and then look at everything around you that contributes to you feeling like that thing is an issue. It may not be a huge issue but then again it could be that thing that could, if ignored, put you in a very bad place.

Most of all, you have to be honest with yourself and except that some things are not that deep or vital to pursue with life changing consequences just let some things go but the things that will have a long lasting affect on your life, question those things. I'm lost a lot because I want the best to be brought out of people and this week I've been saddened by a few people. Do I let things go because they say they didn't have the intent to hurt or do I address the issue because regardless of whether hurt was the intention, hurt happened. sigh. I wanna write something really sappy and pretty about love later because I'm just not feeling it right now.

Stay TRU!

When To Let Go Of Love

When do you know when a love isn't working out and when to just let go? One way to know is if the person you have feelings for have moved on with their life and you are no longer their priority or hold their focus. A relationship has to be a two way street and if you are the only one on that road it's not a relationship. I'm learning that many people hinder their own happiness because they are holding on to something that left them long ago. Not only do they not want to let go but they are content with trying to create tension with the person who has moved on.

It's unfortunate when people cannot accept change and move on but it's harder when you have some of the same friends, have relationships with each other's family or even children together but the most important thing to know is life goes on. It's easy for me to say, I admit that because I haven't had a bad breakup with a guy and had to still maintain any kind of courteous relationship afterwards.

I have had similar situations with friends (not romantically) but over the years I have learned that I may have to love people from afar; wishing them the best of life and love but not having a relationship with them. Happiness is what YOU make of it not who you can have or what you can have. If you cannot find happiness in and with yourself there is no relationship that will provide those things for you. I know because it wasn't until I found trial in my situation and saw that I can still have a joy that people didn't get before love came to me. Love is attracted to love. If you show love for yourself someone will see this and want to love you also but the most important thing to remember is that nothing is perfect including love.

I don't believe that there is any person who cannot have or express love in this world. Heck, even some of the meanest and most spiteful people love someone or something. Love is crazy and we all have to be a little off when we seek and grab a hold of this "love" thing. Affection is so revealing and we have to be ready to strip: taking off all insecurities and doubts because love needs that space to fill you up.

Be willing to let go in order to receive love. Some things (including some relationships) are only meant to be for a moment. Some relationships should have never been but we can't change the past. The current of time goes in only one direction so don't try to flow against the current. Just flow with it.

~Stay TRU

Today is "Love your daddy day"

Okay, maybe that's not what it's called. It's Father's Day and we are showing our love for our fathers, daddy's and prominent and positive male figures in our lives. The love of our men, whether they are fathers or not, is important to each persons development, not just as a child but as an adult. I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father, though not a man, He loved me more than any man could. He kept me when no one loved me and He continues to keep me, encourage me, comfort me as well as teach me the things I need to know to be the best woman I can be.

My earthly Father is also a wonderful teacher, caretaker, provider and just an all around loving man. Funny, clever, intelligent and just a hell of a dad. I salute Cecil. He's a keeper.

To my love, though I don't share a child with him I know he's a great dad because he desires to be and is working  hard to be a great dad to his boys. I don't know if I'll ever be a mom but I do know that he's a great dad and I support  him and encourage him to be the best dad he can be. We never know where our lives will end up but I know my Heavenly Father will take care of it. I love God. I love Cecil. I love the crazy guy who I love. Yeah it's a love fest up in here! Good day to you all! ha!


~Stay TRU!

You make me...

You make me love you with an intensity that clouds my judgment of now
energy flows through me like the blood through the veins of a hemorrhaging being
I feel drained when I'm with you
or rather, when we are through
The craving I have is accompanied by a drowsy  simmering lust that drips down my forehead
and leaves a trail down my breast as it cries out for a cooling breeze
I sing the greatest aria when you enter into my soul and give me your essence
I am teetering on the brink of a fantasy of hard and soft love
far and near love
laughter and tears of love
when you look at me
you look in me
fear grips me when I think you see too much but I worry that you don't see enough
so I look back
hoping that our connection stays just so




Copyright 2010, TRU Essence

Little things speak VOLUMES!

Well, it's another day and I'm feeling a little drained. I don't know if I'm sad or just plain ol' bummed. I don't feel like crying or anything like that but I guess I have a lot on my mind. I had a job interview today and I have to admit that I was not satisfied with it. I, personally, am awesome. (^_^) but I don't like knowing that I could potentially be walking into a stressful and chaotic environment and that's the feeling I got from that interview. They want me but the interviewer kept giving me excuses as to why they had to wait, budget issues and she displayed a personality of someone who may be a overbearing boss. Now, I am all for the boss who wants the work done and wants it done right but there is just something about this one that rubbed me the wrong way but  that was just my first impression and though that's the one that people say matters, if I have a chance to meet with her again, I hope I get a better feeling. It's the little things that matter to me.  How do they look at me? How do you interact with me when I'm being pleasant? Is your attitude positive or just so? I don't know but all I know is I need to work and I would work there, provided the money is right. I was told that they may be taking on part time. I don't know. We'll see.  I'm tired.

My love got a better working schedule so I'm happy about that. I worry about him working at all hours so now he can get some quality rest. Gotta make sure my love is alright. I'm sure I'll be blogging about something else later on today. I have to go walk since I didn't yesterday. I'll blog more about my No Judgment - No Excuses Motivational Health and Fitness Group. We have a challenge weigh in on Saturday. This should prove very interesting. Ha!

~Stay Tru

All in due time.

Good morning. Sleep has avoided me again. RATS!!! as well as employment. I'm still lost about where my life is going but I don't doubt that I'll end up somewhere great. I was listening to (The Mighty) Mos Def's "Black on Both Sides" CD yesterday and I love Mos Def but admit that although I've had this music for a while, I never really listened to the entire thing and payed attention to the lyrics.  I think I had but not in a few years. I decided to listen to it while at the grocery store yesterday and I loved it and it reminded me why I love Mos. It was encouraging to me. I felt like some of the songs on the cd could definitely be on my soundtrack to success. For me, right now, success is transcending from this level of life to the next. Be it career, relationship, personal growth or what have you; achieving ANY goal set is considered successful in my book. I know all of this will come in due time but I do get anxious and a little frazzled when I don't know what's going to happen.

Fear is a tricky little bastard. I say that because it sneaks up on you when you don't expected and begins to take up residence in your life and after a while you are afraid to move forward and you don't really know why. That's where I am. And the WORSE thing is I KNOW it's fear and I KNOW that I shouldn't be afraid and I KNOW all I have to do is leap and not fear falling. But what happens? you get to the edge of challenge with your toes balancing to keep you on solid ground as you teeter back and forth and just as  you are about to go forward, you inhale, close your eyes and...pull yourself back to what you think is safety.  I gotta move forward and take this fear out of the equation. I love the fact that change and life is waiting for me but I hate that I feel too paralyzed to go get it. Hopefully today will be the first day towards processing the paperwork to evict this stupid fear. Let's see how it goes.

B@Peace!
~Stay TRU

I loved it!

So, the BF and I went to see Karate Kid today with Jackie Chan and Jayden Smith and I have to say that (singing) I looooooved iiiiiiit! It was exciting, touching (Jayden cries as good as Will. lol) and we cheered and booed. Ha! it was well directed. The cinematography was beautiful. The locations they shot at in China were breathtaking. Taraji was great also. She did a fine job as Jayden's mom but what I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE was the photography at the end of the movie during the closing credits. so beautiful. I had a great time and I'm glad I got to see it. Next...A Team! YEAH BOI!!!!!

My day was a  happy one spent with my BF. He's such a gentleman. He's caring and thoughtful; funny and insightful. He's creative and practical. I tend to dream big and sometimes I think too big for where I am in my life but I feel hopeful that those big dreams will come to fruition. I pray that J can be with me when it all comes. He's a great guy and I hope he's as enamored by me as I am by him and his dimples. lol. love the movie. Love the company. Now, I'm about to love me some "From Paris with Love" and then love some sleep.

alright fam. Stay breezy!

~Stay Tru

The Affections of the Forgotten.

Okay. So I don't necessarily plan to write, only, about lovey dovey muah muah muah love. Yeah, that would be, both, BORING and slightly lame. I am all for the "I love you, baby." "Oh I love you, too. Kiss my face because I'm so hot." dialog but um, no.  Currently, I am experiencing that "Disney Love" but I'm very realistic and know that love doesn't always come with a soundtrack of awesome catchy tunes that tell of a happily ever after. The complicated thing about trying to keep that wonderment and newness that drives you to desire more of that thing or person which you love is that nothing is ever certain.

As I sit here in this hot a$$ room, I reminisce on the stories and the first hand sight of love that has taken a left hand turn down a dark and never ending road. Somehow, some people have just forgotten the feeling of a new love and allow it to become stagnant and left behind a myriad of daunting focus grubbing issues.

"Yeah, Yeah, You're living in a fairy tale. That kind of love where birds chirp doesn't exist, Tru." - any random person. I don't know. I just wanted to use the quote function. (^_^)

Well, maybe you just don't want to hear the birds. Maybe you've listened to so many people's tales of bad relationships that you figure your relationship should be defined by the same jacked up standards. Well...I'm sorry if you feel that way because not all relationships have to be ridden with pain and suffering. Some people do talk. Some people do support each other. Some people do desire to see the best in an imperfect person. Some people can say "I need  you." and most of all, some people have a longing to be the person to change the flow of what relationships have become; temporary gratification followed by resentment, anger, remorse, jealousy and insecurity.  I don't know everything but this is what I do know, people should make the most of what they love and make the most out of the time they spend with loved ones. Tell them that you love them. USE THOSE WORDS. "I LOVE YOU."

Some people are longing to be loved and feel neglected and unwanted.  It doesn't have to be a spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend. It could just be a friend, a sibling or someone that you know that just needs to know someone cares. Get up. Get out. Give some love away.

Remember, real life requires real signs of affection.
~STAY TRU

My Love Letter to You.

Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!

I'm Tru Essence and if no one has told your today; I love you.  It's important for people to know that they are loved and appreciated. Life is often challenging and when people don't feel that affection or an inkling of a loving attachment they tend to withdraw from the world. I know this because I, too, have been in the position of feeling lonely and without love. This is one reason I wanted to share some of my writings in my blog. Maybe, just maybe, someone will read something and it'll make them feel better.  You never know.

It's 1:53am and I do have a special person on my mind. I am loving him more each day and it's amazing. The crazy thing is sometimes I don't feel worthy or like this really isn't happening. I tell him everyday that I love him and he does the same. This love is not just two people dating but two friends getting a deeper understanding of one another. God is awesome for bringing us together. He puts a smile on my face when I can't find the strength to do so. He's a keeper. (^_^) Yeah, I'm in love with him but I'm loving the woman I am with him. I'm learning about Tru and it's a wonderful feeling. Most people I know lose themselves in a relationship. I'm finding myself. Pretty neat. Well, until next time, I have to get some shut eye. For all my new friends...

Real life requires real...love.
~Stay TRU! Goodnight!