Monday, August 30, 2010

Peace is a powerful thing.

This weekend I had the pleasure of spending time in the mountains of West Virginia with a few great old friends and fun new friends. I had absolutely no complaints about the weekend except that I wish I had at least one more day to stay in the midst of God's grand creations and hear Him through the sounds of nature, feel Him in the breeze, water and on the ground that I tread. I took a chairlift ride up the mountain and it was so beautiful. Three of us rode up together and when two of us wasn't trying to keep the other one calm from being afraid, we sat in pockets of total silence. We spoke of God's wonder the entire time. Even the conversation among us while going up the mountain was about the pure joy of God and His magnificence.

I am so in love with God. This weekend with these people really helped me see where I need to be. He placed me among people who know Him and can see things in me that I'd long put away. In my quest to find my purpose and happiness, I have allowed situations, self discouragement and the negative aspects of life in general to take precedence over my natural drive to succeed and be productive in the way that I have been designed to be.  This weekend wasn't about having people pacify my doubts about myself or even convince me that I'm good enough to be what God has told me I need to be. This weekend was about getting the peace I needed to hear the reply to my questions and pleas to God to help me gain clarity for my next steps.

The funny thing is Shanita, one of my fun new friends talked with me and Jackie (one of my old friends) about my gifts and she said "Get outta my face. Get out of this room." lol... but her words were so encouraging. She said "You are sitting on talent that people are waiting to hear. You have written words and songs that someone out there is waiting to hear because they can't express  what they feel but you have the words." That got me because there are artist whose words, melodies, voices, all speak volumes to my heart and soul and if I could do .000001% of what other artists have done for me, I will be blessed. I really love encouraging people but forget to encourage myself. I'm like the doctor who is the worse patient. I'm getting better though.

I wanted to stay in a peaceful mode for a long time but as soon as we hit DC yesterday, BAM!!!! neck cramp! stress came back! just the thought of work made me need a massage. Stinkin' DC! lolol but I was okay later.

Peace to all my loved ones who have found their direction and to those who are still looking for theirs, we'll all get there.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

So here is my Wednesday rant about love, finding love, being pursued by love and acknowleding when ya just gotta move on. (Long ass title right? Well the Blog is just as long. Get a drink and enjoy. lol)

(I could have just written "PURSUE LOVE" as the title but what fun would that be? (shrug))

So, in all my ranting about love and how beautiful it is and my apparent attempt at maturity when handling the embracing of or the extraction of love, I am noticing that what I know and feel are starting to slowly merge which creates a harmonious mindset. For the last week or so I've have been writing text messages to no one in particular. I don't send them to anyone but I just write them as if I were. I write to lovers lost, as well as lovers hoped for. Don't look at me like I'm crazy. This is what writers do.

*Disclaimer: The term "Lovers" does not refer to the person(s) who may engage in sexual act for the edification of physical satisfaction. (oooooo, ya'll nasty. lol) The term is used here as a person whose heart and soul calls out to you in way that is only for you. A lover is someone who is drawn for you to with and by love that is deep enough to swim away in without fear of hurt or pain. Complete and infinite love even in this finite existence.
The same way you have revelations when you verbally speak something and get that feeling like the light bulb just went off, you can receive the same when you write. What is writing but putting the thoughts you're thinking and not saying onto paper or in this case a computer or text msg. I digress. As I was typing my text to no one in particular, well the first few was for someone specific, as if I were having an exchange with them, I realized something extraordinary. I'd been receiving several messages the last few weeks about love and who loves you and what a woman (or man) should look for in a lover*

Message One:  A soul mate may not be someone whom you spend the rest of you life with. This person, who may be your soul mate, may be in your life for a long time or for a short while. Their purpose for you (and yours for them) is to touch, address and help cultivate the love inside of you and help show you the best of who you are and what you can be. A love that is so deep that you two can almost visually see the same things that no others can see. The thing about a soul mate is that the love is so strong that it overshadows the importance of everything else and may actually cause problems if you focus on that particular love all the time. In other word, you lose yourself and your individuality in this love which can eventually turn into something that seems negative. A soul mate may have a shelf life. Doesn't mean you don't love them for always, it just means that their purpose has been fulfilled. It's now time to take what you've learned and make the most of your life.

Message Two: A man who loves you will do whatever he can to be with you.  For the guys who are not afraid of self honesty, think about this, if you have a passion for something, be it money, cars, career success, whatever, and you want that thing, won't you plan and do all that you can to obtain it? Won't you look at your passion and say "Whatever I have to do to make this happen, I have to do it"? Won't you say, "This is so important to me and I won't rest until I have it"?  If this thing that you say you desire is not really desired than you won't hesitate to let it go or reason with why you feel you have to let it go. Granted, not everything is for everyone and that, too, may be a factor (I'll get to that in a moment) but overall, if you want it, you go and get it and if it's a person you want, you do all you can to let them know you want them. If it gets difficult you say, "I still want you because you are my desire. The good and bad; I'm willing to endure." Now if she's is coming at you with a gun screaming "bloody murder" Imma need you not to want that one. Someone else is out there. lol

Message Three:  A man will pursue that which he desires. Similar to my second point, this is also about doing whatever you can to get what or who you want but more than that, this point is about being in pursute of that desired thing or person. It's one thing to want or desire something but to pursue something or someone means you hunt, follow, chase, shadow, look for or run after them. All too often, women simply make themselves available or the men will just accept who is there without having to pursue it and later find that it's not what they desire or even want.  The hardest thing to be is honest with yourself about why certain situations end up the way they do. Most of us place blame and fault on the other and in some instances ourselves but how many times do we actually say, "it's no one's fault. He didn't pursue me." Did he love you? I don't doubt it but it could have just been lust or just a good situation to be in.

We over think things, as you can see from this extremely long ass blog, but be objective. Don't dismiss what the other person may be thinking or what led them to their decision. Okay, some people ARE just simply assholes but both men and women have emotions. Women are just more expressive most times so ladies, in some cases, cut the brothas some slack. They aren't mind readers and sometimes don't analyze like we do. They react and if they make up in their mind they are done, that's pretty much it. Same for women, we are a little more forgiving but trust, when we are done, "That's a wrap!" So, I wrote AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLL THAT just to say this, life is short and God knows what we need and desire. Some things we want aren't meant for us. Some things are only for a season. Some things we desire will not come easily. No matter if it's a woman, a man, a career, an idea, education, etc., PURSUE IT as if you are afraid it would leave this earth and never return and the only way to stop it is for you to grab a hold on it and never let go.  I'm about to do that with several things and the first is my relationship with God. lol (I know I used some profanity but that was just for affect. O_O) I will pursue Him like my life depends on it because...it does. The rest will come.

Be good family.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

"My Goodnight/My Goodbye" Haiku Series

Hey Fam! I was in a Haiku mood so I thought I'd share one of my Haiku series with you. I like to write them as a group. I have another called "A Series of Moments" that I may share soon. I like the Haiku poetry form because it is a compressed image in a small frame yet possess a dynamic voice. I hope my group of Haiku will allow you to see something new. Enjoy! Stay TRU


"My Goodnight/My Goodbye" Haiku Series
© 2010, Tara Aldridge


I. Yawning

I wavered in thought,
As she spoke of a true love.
Once was mine; now gone

II. Nod

His pace matching mine
I use to hear his heartbeat
Two hearts no longer

III. Nearing Rest

Shadows seek me out
As night approaches quickly
Sunrise comes too soon

IV. Sad Eyes, Sleepy Eyes

Slumbering eyes close
And visions of us are clear
As a falling vase

V. REM

I crash landed here
Descending from his hard dreams
From his; stuck in mine

VI. Morning Lights

Happiness waited
I took its hand and walked fast
It led me instead


VII. Brand New Day

Yesterday I wept
Feared moving on; now I will
Open doors beckon"

Thursday, August 19, 2010

MOTIVATION: WHAT A FEELING!

Things are looking pretty stressfully awesome these days. lol. Well, I have so much I'm planning to do that I think I'm stressing and since I have identified that I'm stressing, I can stop stressing so much. Did any of that make sense??? I don't know. I am at the threshold of self discovery. 


EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER WHICH MADE ME PUT MY HEAD IN THE GUTTER TO TELL YOU TO GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER!
Umm...ya'll just nasty. lolol.


The prayers I have been praying for guidance for finding my purpose has yielded some very wonderful and interestingly inspirational perspective and messages that are specifically geared toward me being what I'm suppose to be. I've been praying for the strength to release the fear I have of moving  in my destiny and I can feel that fear slowly but surely dissipating as a whisp of soft mist on the scorching pavement. I love new growth. dang, even my hair is experiencing new growth. lolol....toenails, fingernails. it's a sale and EVERYTHING MUST GROOOOOOOOOWWWW!!!!

*crickets* (O_O)

no good?  okay, carrying on...

I'm choosing to visualize where I want to be and make my requests very specific and tailored to what my heart really and truly desires. I love life. It's just so dang awesome.

Oh Shout to my little cousin Meici and her little man, Sir and her mom. I haven't seen her in YEEEEEEEEARS! Came to DC from Rochester, NY.  Stay connected with ya fam because time is going by sooooooo fast and at some point you will realized you have missed everyone's important moments. Share love with ya fam today.

Stay Tru!

Monday, August 16, 2010

So...What's next?

I don't know.

There. I said it. Well, I wrote it. I loved my low key weekend. Did some re-evaluating of friendships and my obligations to them. I also thought a lot about acquiring new friends and if I even want to do that right now. Should I focus on career, school or my immediate life first? Do I focus on the future, which is never really guaranteed or do I enjoy today with all the fullness I can? All are important but each hold individual expectations that I am trying to fulfill but life has gotten in the way. I'm feeling good about my possibilities but I look at my obligations and expectation through a wide lens and it can be overwhelming. Do I focus on me or loving others? Do I focus on who will potentially love me or wish and hope it happens before I cease to care about wanting the love and affection of someone? Do I become complacent with the status quo of just getting by or do I propel myself into uncharted territory, despite my fear, to awaken in a place of complete newness where the excitement, alone, grabs me and takes me towards my yet fulfilled destiny, waiting? Man, I don't know. All I can do is just move in the space I'm in right now; finish what I'm doing now and ask "What's next?" After I complete that task I'll ask again,"What's next?"

There will always be a "What's next?" in life and when you can no longer come up with the "Next" then you know you have completed your journey here. Until then, keep moving and keep asking that question. It's so much to learn, do, be, see and comprehend in this life. So, What's next? Everything.

Stay Tru

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Say "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?"

What it is, children of the divine; loved ones; home skillets?

Today is Tuesday, August 10, 2010. What is the significance of this day? What makes it so special? Why should you care?

Well first off, you are here to see it. That's enough. I have no major issues or announcements. Only that it's awesome to be here; alive and well. Yesterday, however, did have some significance; to me anyway.

Monday, August 9, 2010 was my parents' 47th Wedding Anniversary. Long time, right? Absolutely! Every now and then, I think about my generation of adults and the generations to come and think, "How many of us can say we'll see that many years in a marriage?" Not many I suppose. I have had discussions and debates as to why people just don't stay married and I have to say that I'm truly sick of this topic. lol. People are going to do what they want to do. A writer named Sam Butler (1835-1902) once wrote,
"Morality is the custom of one's country and the current feeling of one's peers. Cannibalism is moral in a cannibal country."
This proclamation that we are moral in accordance to the definition of the morality standards of the society which we are subscribe to is rather accurate and the statistical data on the trends among certain societies will back up this theory. Now, this isn't to say that there are individuals who go against the grain of their societal standards but overall, humans follow trends as well as tradition.

But it also goes deeper to what we, individually, are exposed to as we are developing into the adults we will be until we leave this space on earth.  A child that grows up in a vegetarian household will not simply become and adult and say, "I WANT MEAT!" Maybe that has happened before but it's not likely. The lifestyle and personal standards have been carved into their systematic way of life. We all have a certain systematic way of life. Even those whose lives appear chaotic to others has, what can be viewed as, controlled chaos.
People look to their examples for guidance as to how to make things work. A business man will look towards his business mentor for guidance then find what works for him within that guidance and proceed to tailor it to suit his very personal style while still possessing a standard that doesn't stray far from the overall standards of his business society. Same with marriage. If a young man doesn't have an example for a dependable and dedicated father and husband figure in his household, he has nothing to compare. He fights to understand how to be a good husband without really knowing what one looks like. Same with women. We want to find Mr. Right and we want longevity, dedication, intimacy, and love.  We want other stuff too but if you grow up with a mother and father who have always been together, that's your example.

Not every marriage is perfect in fact, a perfect one may not or never exist but when you choose to be dedicated and devoted to your spouse, you put selfishness aside and work through the hard times. Aside from physical and mental abuse, infidelity and just losing love, many marriage, if you were to sit and talk with the couples, end over simple selfishness. Things don't suit them anymore. They cannot have things how they want them and they find it harder to really consider the other person. There are so many single married people out there. Maybe we are the ADD/ADHD MARRIAGE generation. Who knows? All I know is that unless I get married next week and live to be, at least, 83 years old, I MAY be able to say what my parents can say today. But between you, me and the computer keyboard...I don't see me getting married tomorrow unless there are some volunteers. 

You? You?  oh, You? I thought I saw a hand. lol...nah!

later loved ones.
Stay TRU

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

BLECH...

I'm sick today and at home. I can't really rest either because I have head shots this evening and I'm just plain uncomfortable. As always, my mind is saturated with sooooooo many different things and since my blog is about love, here is my entry for today and the love content herein.

Love. It's a good thing.


Lol!  We'll I can say much more but I feel out of it and probably shouldn't even be looking at this computer screen so here's the rest of my love content for the day then back to bed.

I've written a lot about my recent break up, the hurt, the confusion and the love that still remains. I looked at one of my posts yesterday and was like "Really? Am I really being this transparent to people?" The answer is "yes". Personal transparency is both a benefit and liability. Because I'm open enough to show and share my real, honest to goodness, truest feelings, some may view that as a way to manipulate the goodness I possess. The benefit, however, is that you know me and this is the real me. It's not an altered version of me so that i may obtain favor with anyone. I present myself, as I truly am, and those who call me "friend" have done so because they appreciate the real me. Anyone who chooses that I'm not what they are looking for in a friend has every right to seek friendship elsewhere. Those who have called me "friend" then decided later that they would rather not have me as a friend, in my opinion, didn't know what the heck they wanted in the first place. All of that is still cool.

My list of friends, in the last few years, have dwindled down to a very few. I am okay with that also.  Everyone I have ever told, "I love you", I still do. If I've been treated badly by them, I decided I didn't need them in my life but wherever they are I'll always have love for them. There aren't too many people that I have true contempt for because honestly, it's not my business what your opinion of me is but if you love me I'll make it my business to love you back something fierce. lol...So there. That's my entry for today. I'm soooooooo weak. Going to rest now. Loved ones, stay Tru.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Where to find love when you're lost.

Always leave a  trail of breadcrumbs from your last major source of love. This is essential when you are in those dark or shadowy places where it seems that love can't possibly dwell there. Over the last few weeks I have taken a blow to my idealist view of love, what it is and what it should be. I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned much about other people but most of all I've learned that regardless of whether a situation turns out the way you hoped it would, you have to keep moving. The toughest part of moving forward from a loving place to a place of uncertain emotions is that you eventually come to the realization that the entire time you've been trying to cope with a loss or a change in your love routine, you have been trying to rationalize the irrational. You have been trying to fathom the unfathomable. You have been trying to tame that which cannot be tamed.  Love is like a rock and a cloud. It has the ability to hold strong. Sometimes unmovable. Not budging. It will be there if you leave and be there when you return. But it can also hover and float away as a vapor  in the sky that rain down emotional drops of real humanity and then dissipates; never to return the same way as before.

For me, last week ended with one of the most real experiences I have ever had. I have learned, up close and personally, that maybe someone may no longer love you like they once did because I guess you can fall in and out of love. More than that I have learned that there is a difference in someone not loving you and someone not wanting you. I didn't really expect to get that revelation but when it came, surprisingly, I was put in a place of calm. I now understand that to know that someone may not love you as much is one thing and you can almost say to yourself, "Well, I can't make someone love me if they don't." but I had to actually say out loud to myself, "He doesn't want me." When you finally say that to yourself, at that very moment the last syllable comes out, it feels like that horrible hospital bandage tape they put on your arm after a shot and you tug at it to take it off and it hurts and you're like "WHAT THE HELL MAN????" You finally decide to just rip off the tape and that shit hurts but when it's off, you immediately thank God, rub the spot and move on. Friday, I thanked God, rubbed the spot and now I'm moving on. Funny thing is I thought I had moved on but now I know I can and must. When you admit that someone doesn't want you, your mind goes in several different places.

  • Why don't they want me?
  • What changed?
  • What did I do?
  • What did they do?
  • If you wanted me yesterday, why don't you want me today?

and the list goes on but know that all that questioning will only lead you back to one place.  THEY ARE STILL GONE. So, loved ones, don't get me wrong, this isn't a sad blog about someone not wanting me or loving me. My purpose here is to let you know that there is an "AH HA!" moment that happens when you admit to yourself that when the person you hold the most affection for no longer holds that same affection for you, you may dwell in a sad place for a while but get up and remember who you are. Your strength is yours alone. There is not one person who can reach inside you and rip it out without you allowing it. Your love is yours to distribute as you see fit. No one can make you stop giving it away unless you give them permission to control it. Now is the time to turn those affections back onto yourself. Find the best of yourself and fall in love all over again. One thing is for sure, I will always want me. I hope you want you, too! (^_^)   Stay TRU loved ones!!


See this woman? -------------->
I love her with all the breath in my body. I will not give up on her. She's my best friend.