Time for the yearly RESET!

Here we are again! We have reached the end of another calendar year and we take a little time to take stock in what has happened over the last 12 month,  the goals accomplished as well as the marks that were missed. Some of our yearly "resolutions" fall short because we, first, become so disappointed that we may not have been able to complete every task we resolved to do that we say "I'm going to change EVERYTHING  in the coming year and when we are at Dec. 31st, we look at our check list and see that most of what we wanted to do, we didn't. We start to find excuses or feel bad because we feel like our lives haven't moved fast or far enough. For some of us, we have gone through a few major changes in your lives but the changes are so big that they changed everything. When 2013 rolled in, we had such high hopes. The fact that we had no idea what could happen left some excited and others a little worried. Now that an entire year has wrapped up, I'm curious to know; 

What will you place on your "to do"  or "to be" list for 2014?

 
It seems for years, most people have made health and fitness a priority for change in the new year. I have stopped giving myself that same new years resolution of losing weight or getting to a certain size. The reason why is because when I don't move fast enough or things don't go as planned with my checklist, in the end, I have built myself up to feel a sense of failure which, in turn, could be very demotivating. I want to be encouraged and encourage myself as much as I can.

Why are we setting ourselves up for self condemnation?

Instead of making New Years resolutions, I resolve on a daily basis to be better than the day before. My goal is not always physical, though health and fitness will always be an objective for me, and I try to make goals that are realistic for the short term time frame I have to accomplish them. I focus on the short term goals because they all make up the long term goal and when you focus on the long term goal too much, you begin to look beyond the immediate tasks, thus causing the frustration and feelings of failure.

2013 has been a pretty tough year for me in almost every way imaginable but the best part about it is that I'm here at the threshold of a new year to say, despite my feelings or what I may have or may not have accomplished, I get to reset the clock. I basically reset my clock each morning when I wake up but the symbolism behind the New Year reset is significant because it gives us a chance to look at our year in regards to what we have done to fulfill our purpose on this earth. Pretty general and grand view but it's a good view to see.

For some of us, we have lost loved ones and we take the time to remember them and know that although they may not step into 2014 with us, their spirit, memories, and love transcends time and space. As long as we are, they will always be.

For others, we look at our careers. Positive or negative, we look at the changes or lack thereof and mentally assess our efforts. Some of us pushed to make our marks. Some of us missed our marks and some never took a step. When we look at the overall year in review, we make mental notes (and some physical notes) as to what to do differently this year.

We must not forget to assess our spirit. What have we learned about ourselves? What have we learned about our connection to God? Do you have a connection to God? How do we treat each other? Have we learned to let go of our own understanding and lean unto God's purpose for our lives? Have we asked God for guidance to understanding our purpose? Have you stopped and listened for an answer to your question or did you make moves based on your own decisions? How did that work out for you?

We have so many shoulda, coulda, woulda statements we could make but ultimately the biggest and most important questions are "Where are you now?" and "How do you proceed?"

The great thing about resetting the calendar is that it's like opening the door to a banquet hall and seeing a feast of possibility. Some of those things, you may never even touch or get to taste but there are very specific things you know you will put on your place. Some you will share with the people at your table. Some things you will keep to yourself. Some of those people seated at your table won't be there long, others may leave to go sit at another table with someone else, and some will walk with you and enjoy the banquet.  No matter what happens at this banquet, it's up to you to have a good time and enjoy the bounty given.

I say that to say this.  Enjoy the prospect of great things happening in your life this year. Yesterday will never come return, no matter how much you wish for it. Tomorrow isn't not etched in stone yet so it's okay to make your plans but always know that as long as you stand in today, things can change.

The only thing that is constant is change.   

My personal prayer for TRU is increased faith, a return to my first love, and continued clarity of who I am and my purpose. I have no idea what the future holds but I do know this; God's grace has always been sufficient for me. He has guided me through storms, walked with me in the sunshine, sat with me in my loneliness, smiled with me in my happy times and comforted me in sickness and sadness. I pray to be able to be an example of how wonderful He has been, is and continue to be in my life.

Loved ones, though we may not share the same goals, always understand that you probably know more than you think so use that knowledge to coax your emotions when you "feel" too much. I know that sounds weird but since we tend to act on our emotions, sometimes we need to assess ourselves and situations, not by how we feel but by what we know.

In 2014, listen more, laugh louder, love with all you have even when people say you shouldn't. Be a light in a dark place for someone who needs it, even if it's yourself. Don't just love but BE LOVE, PERSONIFIED! Give more without always expecting a physical return. One thing to remember is that people may not react or meet your expectations but then again, you may not meet the mark others have placed on you. Love people for who they are. Understanding or having an open mind is not necessarily acceptance of all things but it allows you to understand that our differences can be the things that draw us closer.

Go to God with an expectation of blessings. He is a promise keeper.  Remember, He works on HIS time, not ours so don't lose faith. Your help is on the way.

I love you guys and I pray 2013 was awesome and that 2014 brings you great joy!


With that said...LET'S RING IN THE NEW YEAR!!! Here's a toast to 2013!  May you always be remembered fondly, with laughter, love and smiles!!!

B@Peace!

TRU Essence

Don't accept that unhappiness is inevitable.

With all that is going on in my life right now, family, relationships, personal career decisions, etc., I had a very real reality check today that has been very thought provoking. So much so that there are many decisions that must be made immediately so that I can clear my path.

Where am I going?  Right now, I'm not quite sure but the road I'm on has a sign that says "Next sign 50 miles ahead." I think I need to keep going to see what the next sign says. It's like that strange stinky smell in the refrigerator. You smell it, you don't want to smell it but you have to keep smelling it so you can find out what it is and get rid of it. I don't know if that's the right analogy but I hope you get what I'm saying. lol

A friend of mine had a heart attach and I went to see them in the hospital. First of all, a heart attach is a shock in and of itself but when the person is only 32 years old, it's definitely an eye opener.


We talked about moving forward in our lives in happiness and maintaining a minimum level of stress and worry. I have to say I was both happy and sad when I left because I do long for happiness and I know I am responsible for my own. I was also sad because the conversation was definitely a reality check for myself. Sometimes you have to say the words aloud so that the idea, the decision, or the task can become a real thing. speaking it into existence; breathing life into a certain thing may be required in order to follow the steps to happiness that lay before you. Many times we know what we need to do to get to thenext level of our lives but we pause, hesitate or stop completely when the words are spoken and the reality is placed before us. That all to familiar hesitation is the red flag letting you know that this "thing" is going to be uncomfortable or it's something you'd rather not have to do but it has to be done.

Everyone has to overcome obstacle from time to time in life but he most important thing is to approach that "thing" and tell yourself "I can move this." 

Crazy thing is some of those things in our path didn't get there by accident. We positioned them there thinking it will be easy to move when the time comes but we are finding it difficult to move or maneuver around this "thing". Well, some things take time to get over, around, under and away from but it can be done. Even if you have to cry or scream your way through the challenge, just keep going.

One of the biggest obstacles many face is the familiar fear of change. Sometimes the muddy waters get comfortable but the time to cleanse will come and you have to step out of that muck and into some fresh water. This is also true about habits that we have embraced that jeopardizes the outcome of our journey. We get one chance to walk this road. We don't move sideways or backwards; only forward.

How do you want to proceed?

Life has the potential to be very productive, loving, comforting and all the other things that are happy fun ha ha times but with the good also come trials, stress and harsh decisions about ourselves and others. Those times are as critical to your journey as the good times. Try not to avoid them but receive the growth that comes after you have come through.

Love is a very possible outcome. Happiness is a very possible outcome. Joy is a very possible outcome. No matter how hard the climate is right now, know that good can be found in harsh conditions. Keep moving forward and you'll find it.

B@Peace!
TRU

Letting go and moving on with love

Many people relate to the idea of letting go and moving on as letting go of a person in your life and moving towards the future with someone new. This concept is even more true when relating it to letting go of an idea of yourself and who you use to be to accept and absorb the new self you are becoming. Sometimes, when we are making changes for the better in our lives, this may or may not include letting go of the people we have become accustomed to.  These "friends" or family members who have a specific type of venom that cannot be traced and is slowly seeping into your system without you feeling the sting all at once. I'll provide examples of what I mean later but for now let's talk about our personal objectives for ourselves.

I believe that the choices we make are directly connected to the level of love we have for ourselves. When you love yourself, you want good things to happen in your life and you will do all you can to endure the bad times to eventually return to the good. You crave to be with and around people who will see that love and encourage happiness in your life. I'm not saying be a narcissist but just seeking a level of joy in your life that is not just on the surface. The joy that gets you through the darkest of times when no one else is there. That "God" joy. Have you ever noticed that most of the drama in your life may include the same handful of people? If there is drama in your life with EVERYONE, maybe you should evaluate your part in it. You may be the source of this never ending cycle of drama. IJS.

But if you are not the source of all that is dramatic, there are people with whom you surround yourself with that, simply put, are not good for your life.

Some people need to be loved from a distance.

When you are trying to do great things in your life, you need to be surrounded by people who are not only doing great things in their lives but who push you towards your goals in positivity and love.  Hanging around the folks who will facilitate that which can only make you fall backwards or stand still are not beneficial influences. Let's say, FOR EXAMPLE, you're a guy who is in a relationship and your friends know that you are, those same friends should be happy that you're happy and want to see your relationship prosper not illuminate those things that may cause your relationship to fail. There is something wrong when all a guy can talk about with his "boys" is sex and sharing nude photos of other women with him. This influence could jeopardize a "good" relationship.

The idea of living vicariously through a single friend is dangerous because guys (or ladies) start to believe they are missing out on something so what do we do, we try to sneak and test the waters while in a relationship. We have to take personal responsibility for what we choose to surround ourselves with.  That "friend" has no respect for your relationship if he is encouraging you to even lust after or look at other women just because he's on the prowl. It doesn't matter what you did in the past, when you seek to start a new path, you have to walk down a new road. You can't walk down two roads at the same time. That's being double minded and that has no place in a relationship. Be the influence instead of the influenced.

What and who influences you and your relationships???

That was the first example.

I once had a friend who was married and her husband was a pretty okay guy. She had another friend from her wild youthful days that she use to hang out with. This young lady was known for being a negative influence on my former friend. When the two of them would go out drinking, the friend encouraged my friend to talk to other men. She would actually set her up with other men but as I always say,

"In order for someone to influence you to do something, a part of you already has a desire for that particular action.".

My former friend's husband knew this about her friend and for that and whatever other reasons, he didn't like that friend. Now, he loved me! lolol. Because he felt better when I would go out with her. He knew I was not going to be a negative influence on her.  This other women saw that my former friend was married but she, herself, was miserable. Let's just say that my former friend decided one day not to be my friend anymore. I later found out that she has since divorced. I never found out why but when you allow negative influences in your life, it has a way for changing your course.

Ladies, because your friends are miserable doesn't mean you have to share in their misery or allow that spirit to permeate your life.. There are many women looking for the bad in your relationship because they have had damaging experiences but be aware of the signs of the constant interference in your relationships. If you are happy about your relationship, the friend who want to see you happy will be happy for and with you. Unless the person you're dating is harming you or a negative influence, your friend should want to be happy for you. They will be all too ready to rejoice if something goes wrong in your relationships and ready to say “See? I told you so.”

Often times, and I've experienced this myself, when you are happy and your friends aren't happy in their own relationships, they don't seek to find out why and how you are happy, they want to pull you down to their unhappy realm of existence. If they change the subject on you when you're sharing with them or something as simple as their facial expressions exuding envy, jealousy or just wishing your happiness would go away, those are red flags to watch. I'm not saying just drop them as friends but assess how the attitudes of these "friends" are influencing the decisions you make for yourself and your relationship.

Bottom line is this, to move forward, you have to let go of some of the things and people who have weighed you down in the past. If they aren't walking with you, they are preventing you from moving. Again, this doesn't mean you stop loving them. In fact, I would even try to get the to walk with you down the road of fulfillment but if they choose not to, that's something they'll have to deal with.

To elevate to a new level you must leave the comforts of the level you are on.  Some will elevate with you. Others can only watch you as you rise. Don't feel bad. Some may catch up with you but if not, you stay the course. Love is work. There is nothing easy about it. Jesus died and left the loved ones on this side of time because of how deeply he loved us. I'm not asking you to die, just re-position yourself.


My prayer is that you will find happiness on your path and those around you will encourage you in your joy. Loved ones, it's been real. :)

MESSAGE!

My cousin posted this image on FB and I had to post it to my blog.

Love is a strong thing but when someone feels taken for granted, in the efforts of self preservation, they alter their surroundings and make decisions based on what they need to survive.  While other people are playing games, some people are making plans. I don't use this language but I have to say, this young man's message was on point. 

#eachoneteachone

~ Written by LadiesLove Jy

All I can say is,

Some folks don't know what they have 'til it's gone. It's a shame you have to prepare for happiness with someone else because the one you're with is strategically preparing you for the next person and they don't even know it. smh

Why choose sadness when you don't have to?  I guess if I had the answer to that I'd be richer and happier. 

Progress in Progress

As the wallpaper peals away years of memories
I plan to toss out thoughts of yesterday
hopes of a better way
tinged with sadness, self-esteemed frayed

I rearrange my lavender skies
and my multi-hued family ties
my thousands of attempts to try
I let go and the papers fall to the floor
to be swept up and discarded

Cleaning the rafters of my expectations,
I wash down the bare walls that are left behind
for new memories
new experiences
new mistakes that somehow echoes the same melody as the former

I turn down my music as to not disturb the tukorsima
at the risk of causing a disturbance
I slowly sit quietly with head in hands
and I think

Are my thoughts too loud?

I wait until the right moment to stand and begin again
Unable to choose the perfect shade to cover my memories
those things that colored me
I stumble over a rainbow of dreams left at my feet
bending down to rummage through the pile
I lose my footing but also my breath
I searched for my hanaemi but only saw the expressions of years of sustaining instead of happiness

Did it ever exist, my hanaemi?

Maybe it is hiding
Maybe it sought refuge in a safer place
Maybe the angels share watch over it until I'm ready
But for now, I continue my domestic task of preparing a home
for a heart once left behind

I'll leave a light on just in case she returns




c. 2013 Tara L. Aldridge

Where does your path take you?

I am finding more and more that most people live a translucent life. These people show you what they want you to see, even to the point of shifting slightly so you can see them but lack details. This gives them the room to say "You're allowed to see me but not all of me." I choose to live a pretty transparent life meaning though there are things that are generally private, if (for lack of a better word) exposed, I would be willing to deal with the consequences. I don't, however, purposely do thing and try to hide them from others. We all neglect revealing information from time to time but to be calculated in our secrecy shows either a lack of trust or maybe just an avoidance to exposure but I've learned that exposure will happen regardless of how you try to hide things.

I have learned from past and present experiences that regardless of the effort some people make to be happy, someone around them may not share that same objective for their life. We allow people to influence us, sometimes to the point of jeopardizing that "good thing" we have in exchange for shared misery. We set up webs of deception so that our secret can remain and we can continue to dodge being exposed. Unfortunately, when we play those type of games, we are pulling unwilling participants in and our actions have an adverse affect on them that, most times, cannot be reversed.

Trust is an often discarded element in relationships. Not only is the trust of our partners, friends and families put into question but our trust in ourselves.

Do you trust yourself to make the right choices for you life?

Most people would answer that question with a resounding "I don't know." That is a problem. Most times, the reason we don't know if we're making the right choices is because of several reasons. One could be we really don't know what we want so we are feeling around in the dark hoping that we will find the light switch, thus illuminating our position and hoping we are in the right place. Another reason we don't know if trust ourselves because we are afraid to move to the next level of who we are meant to be. This could result in feeling like we are leaving someone behind or a part of ourselves we don't want to let go of.

Sometimes, we must let go in order to grow. Pruning unfruitful branches is necessary for growth. This pruning process can be painful, so much so that we often want to avoid it and are willing to accept the stifled positions we stand in just so that pain won't be felt.

Are we avoiding the inevitable change? 

You may be at a point in your life where you ask yourself "How did I get here?"  Your vision for you life was once filled with such promise and fulfillment. Not to say you aren't blessed but you knew what you wanted and now you assess your current coordinates and wonder again, "How did I get HERE???" Well, I can't answer that for you but I will say that each choice has a direct impact on your path. Ever action has a reaction.  The jobs you take, the education to receive, the friends you associate with, the romantic partners you hold onto, those people you think you can't live without, even the places you shop for groceries all have a direct impact on you forward momentum and life position. Hey, you never know who you will meet in the grocery store.

I find that the people who do trust themselves make decisions based on what is good for their lives. Not always but most of the people I know who have a plan, they go for it and they trust when something isn't right in their plan and they "fix it". However, I love the saying "If you want to make God laugh, show him YOUR plans." Unfortunately, many of us see things broken in our lives and for some reason, we choose to let that thing stay broken and wait for the inevitable. I don't believe something have to be inevitable but without action, the inevitable will happen.

Love is a wonderful thing. We all want it. We all need it. We all hope that it comes in the perfect package wrapped in you favorite candy singing your favorite song. If that is true for you, I wish you well. O_O

I have heard it said that a woman marries a man she can live with but a man marries a woman he can't live without. Pretty funny yet endearing sentiment but seems like more and more that is becoming an exception instead of the rule just like what the bible says about finding a wife.

In my formative years, I just knew I had the plan. College, great career, travel across the globe, marriage, children, and just enjoying life.

......(crickets).......

Yeah, my reality looks nothing like the vision I once had. I often justify dealing with my missteps as "growth". Have you ever said to yourself, "Well, if I hadn't gone through the struggles I wouldn't be the person I am today"? Well, that is true but you can't always justify not making certain life decisions because you decided struggling made you stronger. Some of the struggle came from turning left instead of right. I believe people either learn from experience or example. Not every struggle needs to be experienced.

Relationships are pretty much the same in regards to how we navigate them. We see the exact same patterns in our relationships that we see in someone else's life but we decide, let's see where these patterns take me. 9 times out of 10, if you take the same path as someone else, you will end up at the same destination. More and more, I am learning that I deserve to be happy. That's it. Happiness is what you determine it is for your life.   For me it's navigating difficult waters with the faith that I'll return to dry land safely. I'll return to my path to accomplish what I set out to do, with minimal casualties.

Marriage. I once thought I'd own my own architecture firm by 30 years old so I have no idea if marriage is even in my future. If you ask me what I see in the future for myself, I can't answer that. I try to love for now but love is not only given, it has to be received. I can't receive love for anyone else.

Children. Again, I don't know but with each day grows the doubt that a family will happen for me. I'm learning to become content with that idea. I really wanted children because I felt like I could be a great mother but the path I take apparently has signs that say "No children allowed."  Maybe I'm broken or don't trust myself enough. Maybe everything is fine and children are not in my God given plan. Whatever the cause, I'll live with it. I'm getting better at realizing that there will be no one to carry on my legacy, if I have one. I'm not sad about it anymore. Just focused on the now.

Family. We realize as we grow older that the family dynamic can shift as we become adults. The people you once trusted, admired, believed in can become foreign to you as an adult. We have to view each other differently because we have become adults who have developed individual traits that, as adults, we may or may not like so that shifts our relationships a bit.

(sigh) Well, I think that's all for now. Come back for Part II later. I want to give your eyes a break. :)

B@Peace!!!

~TRU