In two days, a little boy that I held in my arms, fed, babysat, changed his diaper, watched him grow into a teenage smartass, will be 18 years old. My nephew will be 18 freaking years old. I love that kid. He will be going off to college in the fall and I am pushing him to go to St. Johns in Brooklyn. He has been accepted into I think 3 of the 8 or 9 schools he's applied to. He's waiting to hear back from the others. I'm a little biased and want him to go to New York because that's where I wanted to go in 1992 when I graduated. I have always felt like I belonged in NY and now that I am older I feel like I've wasted most of my adult life being afraid to chase my dream. I have. I don't want him to regret anything. Try. Experience. Win. Lose. Fail BIG (because if you are going to fail, do it big so you can learn as much as you can and be better), Succeed EVEN BIGGER! Work hard. Play Harder!
I want him to make it to my age and see a trail of his living legacy developing and have evidence that he is living life. I, as I stand now, simply exist. Moving forward, I will live without any new regrets but I have so many in the past, they will last for the remainder of this lifetime. He is a young man now and will make his own decisions and now is when we all, his parents and family, release our grip of protection and pray that he has absorbed the knowledge we have all given him to make wise decisions. Knowing he will make mistakes (that's a part of the growth process) we hope he is wise enough to learn from them and make better choices. I'm excited for him and terribly nervous. I don't have children and will not have any but he was the first baby I was able to care for and be a part of their journey, outside of my younger brother who is 10 years younger than I.
Next up is my young niece who I'm pretty sure will end up in NY. She's a dancer. My young nephew of 12 years, I see him in LA at an art school. He's a lil smartass too. He has Asperger's Syndrome so I don't think right now his parents or even he sees himself going away but he is a smart kid and he has family in LA. Then there is the 2-year-old. smh This boy! lol Smart, cute, dramatic tough Gemini of a child. This one had better become an actor or lawyer or something where performance is required or a MMA fighter. That boy is tough as nails. lol He is a trip and a half.
I just want to say, this post was not supposed to be about him but since he's on my mind, I shall write.
This is my crew. As time goes by, I see them less and less. They become busier and busier. They take longer to text back. Well, my niece does but the 17-year-old is always on his phone so he gets right back to you immediately. lol
I think of how I'm not really close to any of my aunts or uncles simply because we visited them sometimes as kids but we came home to DC. They lived in Virginia, NY, TX, etc. We didn't invest lots of time knowing them as people. Well, I mean outside of knowing they are our aunts and uncles. These four we have, they know us. They grew up seeing us often, being taken care of by us and being chastised by us as well. I guess I don't want to lose that closeness but they are growing up. It's what happens. I'm gonna miss them all as kids. They were pretty great kids. Now they will be amazing adults. Damn, I'm getting old: better but still getting old.
You can't turn back the hands of time but you can ride into the future like a mf boss!!!! They will be amazing. I will be amazing. Since none of my sisters nor I had children, looks like it's on these 4 to keep the legacy going on our end. I have another nephew that I haven't seen in some years since I hear I had another sister. That's a story for another time but I think of him all the time. If I can find him, I'd love to see him. He should know he has other people out here that love him.
Good ole love. I'll be talking shit about it tomorrow. lol. Hey, I'm fickle when it comes to love. It sucks and is a beautiful thing when it wants to be.
Love: the jerk I can't quit. It's a mess. lol
