Pulling them out with love and understanding

Let me start by saying that I am generally a genuinely a pretty upbeat and happy person. Now that I have stated that fact, I continue with my post. 

Sometimes, I get angry.  We all do. However, the anger I speak refers to the lack of education about the condition of depression.  Though I don't share it much, I do suffer from depression sometimes. I have shared some of my experiences but what I get angry about is people equating depression with insanity or mental instability. Being depressed is not being craZy. Yes, I meant to type the capitol "Z". 

I mentioned depression to a close relative of mine and they said to me:

"Am I going to have to put you behind the wall." (referring to the mental institution a few blocks from my house)

I instantly got angry.  Why do we still refuse to understand depression? 

~What Is Depression?

Everyone occasionally feels blue or sad. But these feelings are usually short-lived and pass within a couple of days. When you have depression, it interferes with daily life and causes pain for both you and those who care about you. Depression is a common but serious illness.

Many people with a depressive illness never seek treatment. But the majority, even those with the most severe depression, can get better treatment. Medications, psychotherapies, and other methods can effectively treat people with depression. 

National Institute of Health. Depression. "What is Depression"

With all the widely available awareness about depression, many people are still very ignorant of how serious depression is and some people are too proud to admit that help is needed to treat the disease. We still fear that thing which we cannot explain. We would rather put our loved ones away and cause more damage to their psyche than properly dealing with the depression. Some people don't require medications but some do and depression can be managed if the effort is made to try and understand how to help someone suffering from this disease. 

Some people will never fully be "cured" of depression but with time, understanding and treatment, we can learn to help people who do suffer. Depression is not something to simply dismiss as sadness or a cry for attention. The tears that fall from depression are not for attention. They are for understanding and help.  People find it hard to understand depression because the sufferers may not be able to explain why they are depressed.

Sometimes, we need to need to understand it. We just need to love the people who struggle by being there when they need you and talking with them. I have found that when I am suffering from depression I do want to be alone but there are times that I need people to talk to me even if it seems like I don't want to talk. If you talk to me, I'll talk back. I may not say much but I'll say something. For someone dealing with depression, a little says A LOT!!!

Hoping for more hope

One of the saddest things for me is speaking with someone who has given up hope. Someone who has given up hope for a positive outcome for their lives and challenging circumstances really makes me want to create a vending machine when they can go get a quick fix of hope whenever they run out. I know many people see the storm and not the rainbow after. We, human beings, can sometimes be extraordinarily impatient when it comes to overcoming trials and tribulations. It is absolutely understandable that we want to resume a sense of normalcy in our lives and get back to happier times but when "life" does happen, we want to pass the test without actually taking the test itself. 

I have a close friend who is going through difficult times right now and I not only empathize with her but I understand her because I experience many of the same issues she does but there are major issues she is experiencing that I may never understand but I am a part of her support system. What I do find sometimes (and this isn't always true for my friend) is that in our impatience, we can actually extend or increase the strength of the storm by embracing the trial as an unchangeable aspect of our lives as if there is no hope for recovery, resolution, reconciliation or redemption. In all of my challenges, even when I sat at the darkest portion of my trials, I always seemed to search for that small glimpse of light that could let me know that no matter how cloudy things look the sun has always been shining behind the clouds and at some point, the clouds have to move so I can see the light again. 


I love my friends and family, probably more than they will ever know and will always be the eternal optimist to help them retain a sense of hope and if I have to place their hope and joy in a box and save it for them until they are ready to embrace them, I totally would. One thing my friends and family would say is that I am what you would consider a "realist" or "no nonsense" when it comes to helping them move forward from a difficult situation. I do believe everyone needs the time to process what is happening in their lives but I try to help them identify when they are processing the difficulties and when they are embracing them and using it as the continuous reason to either complain, dwell, retain fear of moving forward or simply acquiring the attention so that they could stay in that difficult place. As crazy as it sounds, some people will not admit it but they find a strange comfort in dwelling in the storm.  There is no accountability in the storm. The storm is always someone else's fault and someone else has to clear the storm.  Hope for a guilt-free resolution is the only hope they have but they never receive it and so they hold onto the pain, stress, blame, emotional torture because there is a fear that if these stressful feelings go away, maybe there won't be any other emotion available to replace them so we dwell.  I know people who would say "But I do want to be happy and I don't want the sadness. Who would want to be sad?"

People who have had so much sadness in their lives may not know exactly how to be without a measure of sadness so there is always a reserve of "issues" that will allow them to pull a situation out of their back pocket like a found $5 bill.  My hope is that my friends and family actively seek happiness and joy. What I have come to understand is that hope and faith are directly connected and it's almost impossible to have hope if you don't have the faith to propel your hope into actuality.

Hebrews 11:1

King James Version (KJV)

11 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

When you have faith, you have the most effective tool necessary to jump start your hope. In order to have hope you have to have the faith that that thing you hope for is attainable. More often these days, I am hearing many people who wish for better situations but don't have the faith that their situation(s) can or will be better so their efforts to hope for better is almost non-existent. 


I have faith in God and his ability to meet a person where they are and help them through that storm. We often want God to get rid of the storm or fast forward to the end of the storm but God doesn't remove the storm. He equips you with the tools to endure until the end so the lessons can be learned; positive outcomes may be celebrated and the wisdom gained can be appreciated. We gain so much from our trials that we find ourselves appreciating the storm afterwards.  Nope. It's not comfortable, that raging storm, but when we make it through there is cause for celebration. My prayer is that my friends and family will obtain peace of mind even in the harshest part of the storm. The trick is you have to go through stress in order to know how to overcome the stress. Yep. The good ole Catch 22.

What I love (because I have to share some love here) is that peace is obtainable. Calm is obtainable. I have had many people ask me "How did you get to become so calm while everyone is stressful?" My reply?  "It took a while to get here but I identity my stress triggers and calmly figure out how to lessen my stress. It's not always easy but I'm getting better."

I don't have all the answers. In fact, I may not have any answers when it comes to helping others manage stress or their troubles because no one person handles stress the same but I want my friends and family to know that they have to keep a measure of faith and hope in reserve for those times when you don't seem to have much or any left.  Pray and seek the clearing beyond the clouds and the storm. It's not easy but I love you and I know you can find that reserve and see how that hope increases when you allow yourself to deal with the current issues but focus on the, hopefully, positive overcome.   It's not easy loved ones but life, love and happiness is so worth holding on. Please my dears, hold on until the clouds move because that sun is so bright. Just hold on. I love you enough to hold on with you.