Easier said than done but not IMPOSSIBLE

Forgiveness. We all like to say it and we all like to think that we have a good handle on how, when and whom to forgive but the truth is many people are still holding on to hurt that has caused them to have an altered view of their potential reality as well as their assumed past. I find that no one ever really has the whole truth about hurtful situations. They only have their perspective of events and outcomes and from that perspective, a judgment is made primarily based on immediate emotion. I say this not to say don't feel how you feel but to say that I understand that our anger can sometimes be justified by the events experienced but how often do we stop in the midst of our anger, rage, disappointments and chaotic reminiscing to truly see that there is a benefit to the awful experience. Heck no, I'm not saying that the events and experiences that cause you pain are good things but sometimes we have to talk ourselves down from the ledge long enough to get a better view of things.

People are...well, people. One thing we all must understand is the capacity humans have to disappoint and mess up is great. Being emotional thinkers, our species desires to rationalize everything and fit the human experience in a box.  Being an emotional spiritual thinker creates a three dimensional view of these same experiences.

If you do not operate under the emotional spiritual thinker umbrella, you will only see the problem and the result. When you add the spiritual component to your existence, you will not only see the problem and the result but you will also see the purpose. It's hard, I know, to want to see the purpose in an awful experience but what we must ask ourselves is this: The person you have become, would you have been a better person without the challenging experiences? Would you understand you will to persevere? If that person would have stayed in your life, would they have contributed to you being a better person or would they have contributed to the development of a careless, loveless, uninspired version of yourself? How can we determine if an absence or presence has truly enhanced our lives to it's full potential of being?  The answer to all of those questions is simply, "We simply do not know."

Being the emotional spiritual thinker that I am, I can share many stories with people about hardships, disappointments, mistreatment, abuse, depression, challenges and what feels like missed opportunities to be better but I will say this, without understanding my spiritual purpose, I would never be able to reconcile the issues of the past (and present).  Without the peace that surpasses all understanding, I couldn't sleep at night. People ask me why am I so calm most of the time. My answer is when you have gone through some of the storms I have, a drizzling rain doesn't phase you.

We all are examples of the outcomes of our experiences. We are the living billboard for what happens when you approach a problem in a particular way.

People hurt us more than we are willing to confess and some of us can't move forward because we harbor so much anger and hatred for these people. We curse them and carry with us a burden that the person who caused it may never actually know about. What is I told you that while you are so angry at that person for leaving that you are missing that because that person left, it activated your determination to be dedicated and never leave the ones you love? What if that event, for some reason, enhanced your determination to never place anyone else in the angry and hurt position you are in? What the emotional thinkers miss that the emotional spiritual thinker grasp is that after seeing that despite those bad situations, you still have a spirit of survival and overcoming and the person you are is in a crazy way BECAUSE of the hurt you've experienced. Once you can appreciate who you are, not saying that there aren't components in your life you wish were different as a result of the past, you are able to release the hurt little by little. It's not an easy process but it's not impossible.  Your past designed the version of yourself.

Forgiveness is not for the person who wronged you.  Forgiveness is for your heart and mind.  Some people hurt others not because they intend to but because they don't know how not to. I have always believed that God, in his infinite sometimes confusing wisdom, knows what He's doing even when terrible things happen that makes us question if he is really there and if he is, why is he allowing these things to happen.  Have you ever heard the phrase "Hurt people hurt people"?  Well, it's true but we must make an effort to break this vicious cycle and forgiveness is the tool for the job.

God never said if you live by his will that no pain will befall you.  He never said he will ensure you never struggle. He never said that He will remove the storm so you won't experience it. What He will do is be our strength when we are weak. He will carry us when we can't walk any further. He will comfort us when we grieve. He will watch over us when our earthy stewards leave us alone. He will hear your cry and above all, He will answer.  The mistake we make is assuming God will answer our prayers and request in the time in which we desire or demand.

God is not our personal valet.

With all that we request from God, we still have a responsibility of our own.  With the experiences we are given, we still have to activate our faith and work at it. Nothing is easy and


Someone walked away from you. Your dad left as a kid. Your mom decided she couldn't take it so she walked away. That sister or brother you loved so much decided they didn't want to stay under your parents' roof anymore so they bailed. The experience left you broken, confused and angry. It's important that once you have reached a point where you can stop and reflect on your life that you not focus just on the bad and with a desire for healing understand the events that happened and begin the process of letting go.

As a kid, you see things one sided but the truth is you will never know exactly why people leave and why they felt they had to. If they though it necessary to leave, even for selfish reasons, would you have rather that person stay in your life and be a negative or harmful influence? Parents' split and try to spare the children the truth but sometimes the stories that aren't told leave voids that are filled with angry interpretation of events that may not be accurate and if they are, they cause such injury sustaining memories leaving a person wounded.  If you live to reach adulthood and has someone to love you unconditionally, take that experience and let yourself let some of the bad go. The people who love you now, can you imagine your life without them? If you didn't go through the tough times, would you have made it to this level of love that is more than you imagined. The hurt had a purpose and after you realize that it did, it's time to begin the healing process of forgiveness and letting the pain go.  Forgiveness doesn't mean the memories go away but once you have peace you may find you don't think of the bad stuff as much and when you do, you grieve for a moment but you say "It made me who I am today" and you keep on pushing.

Life for me, my loved ones, ain't been no crystal stairs but I was allowed to peak over the banister to see a different view of things. I don't do much preaching or advice distribution to people about how to live, forgive or just be but people ask me because they see something. I struggle just like everyone but every so often someone may ask me something out of the blue which lets me know that people do watch you.

One question I'm asked often is "How do you deal with your stress and depression?" There is not cookie cutter answer for that. I just remember that I have made it through other storms and I have faith I'll make it through current storms and if I don't make it, I know I gave it a good fight and didn't faint.

I pray that we, as adults, learn how to deal with, not only the difficult moments of the present but the moments in the past that we still hold onto. It's not easy. Have enough faith in yourself that you can trust that God will give you what you seek. Peace.  Wrong doers will have their moment of judgment. Don't wait around so you can sit on the jury. Live. Life fully! Live with love! Live with gratefulness that you have made it to a point of being able to let go. All that's left to do now is let go and live life more abundantly!

Loved ones, I wish you peace and happiness for today, tomorrow and forever.

B@peace!
Stay TRU

The Balancing Act

Love, whether pursuing, beginning or ending a relationship, is probably one of the most difficult emotions to navigate simply because your emotional mind doesn't always know what's good for the rest of you. Your emotions are like selfish kids who don't want anyone else playing with their toys even when they aren't playing with them. The reason: because they are mine and when I'm ready, I want them where I left them so that I can play with them by myself. sigh...Unfortunately, having this type of attitude about people just doesn't work the same. 

There was a DeBarge song out some years ago called "The Heart Is Not So Smart" and for some reason, the lyrics to this song have never left me. Anytime I have been in or close to being in a relationship I think of that song. The truth in that song is no more apparent than when you are actually in a relationship and are in the midst of a battle between the heart and mind. You are torn between what you know and what you feel. Sometimes, even though what you feel may feel good momentarily, your mind knows it won't last. sigh.

The reason this topic comes to mind is I have been thinking a lot lately about the possibility with moving on to new relationships and I'm honest to say that I do want to but I don't want to. I do because my mind and heart knows it would be good to have a healthy relationship not just for intimacy but for social and mental stimulation. I'm not a big social person so I do have difficulties engaging others on a personal level. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not against engaging new people and I will talk your ears off for hours and hours but there is a hesitation when it comes to engaging people with the intent on melding hearts and becoming emotionally and romantically attached. I'm a novice at this love thing or at least I still feel that way after all these years.  I don't think I am really willing or able to open up myself to someone on an emotional level right now. There is a healing process we have to make sure we go through when our idea of love, dedication and security has been battered and bruised so I am taking my time. Need to get Tru straight alone befor joining forces with someone else's emotional state.  OH GAWD! lol 

This is the crossroad where one side of the fork in the road says "Dead end. No oulet." and the other say "Freedom. What are you waiting for? But proceed with caution." Can you imagine if there really were road signs like that. Maybe we'd make better decisions. 

On the other hand, I WANT to be pouty. I WANT to say "no you can't move on without me." I WANT to say "Who cares what people say? I want to do what feels good or comfortable for me right now." I want to wollow in what I once thought was a great love. See, the only thing about this state of mind is that it is the basis of the vicious cycle we are doomed to repeat if we don't stand up, dust ourselves off and take a new route. In the back of your mind you hope that somewhere on that new path, down the road, you'll run into that one you loved completely and you hope they have finally "gotten IT together' but you cannot rely on what you wish to come to fruition always. You just have to start walking down the new path with the expectation of your hearts desire being fulfilled, not just the way you want it to but they way it should and needs to be fulfilled.  If you stay on the same wrong misguided path, you're saying I'm willing to go through that pain with my eyes wide open.  Don't get made at the road. Get mad at your feet for walking in the same circle. Well, you don't really have to get mad but hey, that may be a way for you to get yourself to the next level of love and relationship. If we don't force ourselves to change our patterns of how and what we think about love and what we desire from a relationship then we may be willingly risking the suffocation of our own spirit then turn around and say "I don't know why this keeps happening." It keeps happening, honey, because you haven't done anything different. You just picked up the board game and moved it to another location. The pieces and their positions on the board have not changed. 

sigh.

In my transparency, I can be honest enough to say most days I feel I lost the love of my life. You know that person who no matter who you end up with or who you grow to love deeply, they will always be the one you wish everything had worked out perfectly with. You may know that person as the one who got away or it could be the one you had to walk away from. The idea of a soul mate is not ridiculous. I have learned a soul mate doesn't necessarily have to be someone you are romantically linked to but it could be a really good friend who understands the essence of you and loves and supports your overall well-being. Your soul mate wants your happiness to be complete even if it means they have to step out of the picture for you to find it. The thing about your soul mate is they aren't a supernatural being without flaws. They are human so they, just like us, make mistake and some, at times, seems irreversible and unforgivable. Even in those times they hurt you, you still have a deep love for them and this is why it's hard to be in a relationship with someone who you feel is your soul mate. They have the capacity to envelop your heart, protect it, love it, nurture it and make all things right or in an instant, they can rip it to shreds and leave you breathless because your love is THAT intense. 

Love... sometimes you just have to shake your head at it.