This Kiss

It's amazing how a simple kiss can say an excitingly beautiful "hello" or make you feel empty.

A kiss is a story teller. It's tells someone the level of passion you feel, it's a welcome or a goodbye. A kiss can tell someone if you are lonely, apprehensive about love, longing for closeness and it can even tell someone that you are uncomfortable or nervous.

A kiss can trigger you to stay or leave. The connection or disconnection in many relationships can be felt in a simple kiss. A kiss is not merely foreplay but the foundational element to a bond of passion.



My observation, especially now, is that anyone who wants to be with you physically but avoids kissing you doesn't want an intimate bond. That may work for some but the kiss...I don't know. There's just something about the kiss.

The Sun For The Moon

The Sun For The Moon

by TRU Essence

I was the night and he, the day

I was the moon and he, the sun

No matter how we longed to be at one place

In the same space

At the same time

We were too different

He, demanding and fierce

Me, emotional and moody

We, passionate and loving but with boundaries

Neither one of us were aware of

I saw in his eye the need to be loved

Wanted and appreciated

He was unaware that I saw everything else as well

The longing he tried to hide behind ego and strength

Moonlight triggered my essence to expand and grasp the energy that propelled

Me towards loving him 

but he lie asleep and unaware

The sun rose and he was there to be my covering 

but I lie asleep and am unaware

The light was too harsh for me

Too bright for me

Too commanding for me

My shell protected me from the lion’s roar

I mistook it as anger

He intended it for love

The protector wanted to flow within the heart of the nurturer

but he was unsure

Unable to be honest with himself

To tell me who he was and what he wanted

The duality of our lives

Neither saw the other fully

The sun needed the moon

The moon desired the sun

From the earth, we appeared in the same sky

But too far apart to touch

Yet we were as far apart as the east is from the west

Neither shall meet at once

When the world stops...then what?

Some days, like today, you wake up and you just need/want/plead for the world to stop for like 5 minutes so you can get your bearings but let's say that happens. Then what?

What do you do with those 5 minutes that will make a definitive difference in what you are, who you are, what you wanna do, who you want to be, the next steps to take, who loves you, whom you love, what/who to keep, what/who to let go of, etc.

What is it, in those five minutes of complete stillness, that will set in motion a new movement, a new idea, a new objective that will, without doubt, be without challenge?

Nothing.

I wanted the world and everything around me to just stop for a few minutes so I can see, observe my current situation without time "getting in the way" but in those few minutes what will be so different from me trying to figure out life at the same time life is happening?

It's hard to describe but I do believe we need that 5 uninterrupted minutes of absolute stillness. I know that the world can't simply stop, especially for me, but I can stop. I often feel the whirlwind of the next necessary decision weighing on me and other people's expectations of what I should do for my life creeping closer and closer. One minute I have my entire life planned out and the next I can't see five minutes in front of me. I don't think I'm unique in this problem. In fact, I think most people go through this. If you don't and have never experienced this frustration and have every moment of your life perfectly planned out, well then here's a slow clap of kudos to you. (CLAP...clap...clap...)

I hope you can appreciate my sarcasm. lol.

But seriously, each day presents individual challenges. We have good days. We have bad days. We have days where we're not quite sure if they are good or bad so then we have to acknowledge the neutral days where we are just beings roaming the earth.

Today has been challenging. Over the last week or so I have had many situations pop up from me being a total rock star among friends and colleagues to days where I feel utterly disconnected from myself, my spirit and my world; lost, if you will. Today I'm experiencing the latter. I know it's just for today but the frustration I have is not with others, it isn't with God, it isn't with my idea or what or who God may or may not be, it's not even the fears I face on a regular basis that hinder my forward movement.
My frustration is in not knowing.

Not knowing what to do.
Not knowing who I am at this moment.
Not knowing who I'll be tomorrow.
Not knowing what direction to take despite everyone else apparently knowing what I should do.

Gee, thanks.

The craziest part of all this frustration is that I KNOW that I can sit for a while and in this whirlwind of craziness that is partly created by my own hesitation, I can map out my next steps and feel okay that I'm going to be able to move forward but the problem is I can move forward towards...what?

sigh


Okay here is one of my biggest problems. You all shall serve as my temporary counselors. Thank you, kindly.

I don't know what my  passion is. I've struggled with this fact about myself for years now and even if the world completely stopped for 5 minutes, will the answers come? I'm not even sure what the questions are.

Is the world just too loud for me to hear or feel this "thing" I'm suppose to be so passionate about?

I use to deny my talents. Not that I didn't know I had them but I never embraced them completely. I do SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much and when it's all said and done I feel like I've done absolutely nothing. I can do SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much but when I'm ready to move forward to perfect one of the many somethings I am capable of doing, I get lost all over again. It...is...FRUSTRATING. I take time to think, meditate, have quiet time to figure out these things for myself but it still feels like my thoughts are being infiltrated by the distractions of the world; other people, other's successes, rain...(shrug), almost anything that will make me turn my head or tune into something else other than my thoughts and objectives for my life. I know. I know.  I feel like I'm fighting myself. I am my own distraction but when I'm focused, I can't seem to block out the world completely. I need that. I need to be suspended in my own thoughts so that I can come out and be who I know I can be or to just be a fixture in a world that needs me somewhere for something very specific. I wish what that specific thing was.


Frustration is also coming from seeing the people closest to me move onto wonderful opportunities that some have worked extremely hard for and others, well, it's nice to have opportunities come and you be able to say yes. Not saying they didn't work for them but some people live charmed lives. I don't hate that. I just know that in comparison to my own life, sometimes it just feel bad to know that I can work 5x as hard and not get 1/4 or what others get.

Life's kinda fucked up that way. I keep telling myself do not compare my life to others' but I think it's like a natural reflex we have. The Comparison Reflect (coming soon to a theater near you...not really)


But no matter what happens or how I acknowledge my struggles, I wish everyone well and turn back to focus on my 5 minutes of stillness from the world. After I get the 5 minutes, then what? Will I ask for another 5 minutes? If that's granted, will that additional 5 minutes be enough? Probably not so I try to find my five minute in the middle of the chaos, questions, uncertainty, fear, hesitation, sadness, frustration, clarity, hunger and hustle of the day I stand in.

"I can't feel the ground
someone let me down.
I never felt so high as I do now
it's too good to be true
I don't deserve you
I've never felt a love strong enough to
Stop this world from spinning."

What's so funny to me right now is as I wrap up this blog, I'm listening to Ne-Yo and his song "Stop This World". I'm listening to the lyrics and it is a love song but I would love to feel this way about my life, my future, my passion for who I am and am to become and someday someone else who will feel the same for me but for now, maybe tomorrow I'll stop the world from spinning.

B@Peace
Love

When you have loved and lost...

It hurts to say goodbye but you wouldn't trade the good times and lessons learned.

You'd rather they be happy than miserable with you.

You remember the love daily but embrace newness without them.

You find yourself looking for their face in a crowd knowing they are not there.

The things that made you both laugh makes you laugh alone and sometimes you hope that the same thing is making them laugh at the same time.

You look up at the moon and know that at some point in time the two of you will be looking up at the same time.

You will never be able to listen to certain songs the same again.

Ne-yo songs make you cry.

When you go to a new place, you automatically think "Man, they would have loved this."

You feel a tear form at the thought of how deep you loved them.

You wake up at random times and wonder what they are doing then upset yourself because whatever they may be doing, you know it's not with you.

You appreciate being happy and laughing knowing if you allow yourself the moment to remember, you will fall into those hurt feelings.


You find yourself reliving the exact moment you two became strangers

You see someone approaching you that you think is them and your breathing changes and you get closer hoping it's not them then get a little sad when the person passes you and you realize it's not them.

When you finally allow yourself to love again knowing it could end but you trust your own heart.

You continue to love.

MOOD...GOOD MORNING :)

LEAVE IT TO NE-YO TO SEXIFY THE ENTIRE DAMN DAY WITH IMAGES OF A VERY  GOOD MORNING. 

SEXY!

This is the best start to a wonderful day! ;)

Enjoy! 

How Low Can You Go??????

This appears to be a Luda, Jay and Kanyon kinda night so at this moment I'm rockin' "How Low Can You Go" in my ear. ( I know it's Kanye. I call that bamma Kanyon)

GO LOW!

This man is a fool, I tells ya!  It's been a challenging week for me. Well last week was. There was unbelievably strong emotion that poured out of my eyes and made me feel stuff. smh All the feels. Disappointment at work. Oh, I'm good at what I do it's just other people who don't communicate thus, creating confusion and disappointment. Then the week, just as I thought I was feeling better...a trip to the ER. Still recovering but as always, I press on and keep moving. Not literally though. I was told to take it easy. I should have kept my butt home today. AAAAAAAAAAAAAANYWAY... LOL

This week I'm feeling the residual effects from last week but even with this crazy heat, I'm so good. Talked to a friend I hadn't talked to in a while and he reminded me that I can still be silly for no reason. Work? Meh. I have SOOOOOO much to do that I can't sit by and dwell in momentary obstacles. Testing for my training certification, prepping to start school in the Spring, move (where? I don't know yet), business outline done and pulling in clients to get down to the essence of what I'm suppose to be doing.

Question.

Have you truly assessed your talents and all the things you are capable of doing that could sustain your lifestyle independently? 

It's been an amazing year with a few bumps but so much is happening that I'm very excited about. Recently, I became a partner in a real estate group and I am EXCITED. I am one of many but I am excited to see what we can do as a group. When you see the power of what a group of African American entrepreneurs can do, your independent confidence soars. 

We'll be ready to purchase our first property in about a year and that's cool because it's a building process.

(get it? Building? no? not funny? I know. Sorry) 

I have so much happening (good things over bad) that I have to get my hype music ready for when I'm in my flow or productivity. For some reason, I'm on my Watch The Throne chill right now . Ni**as in Paris (like you don't know what the word is with the **. smh) appears to be my shit right now. lol It's one of my hype me up tracks. lol

YOU ARE NOW WATCHING THE THRONE! 

DON'T LET ME INTO MY ZONE!

I'M DEFINITELY IN MY ZONE!

(DISCLAIMER: IF YOU ARE AT RISK OR SUFFER FROM SEIZURES, THIS VIDEO MAY TRIGGER SEIZURE. NOW WHY THE HELL WOULD SOMEONE MAKE A VIDEO THAT COULD TRIGGER A SEIZURE??? JUST STUPID. LOL

KANYE AND THAT DAMN SKIRT. HIS ASS ISN'T SCOTTISH SO NO, I'M NOT CALLING IT A KILT. IT'S A SKIRT. 

also I'm not responsible for any subliminal messaging through the imagery of this video. They not slick. lol

BONUS!!! OTIS IS MY SHIT! 

PEACE OUT HOMIES!!!! 

LOVE!

What we don't say speaks volumes

Relationships, be they friendly, professional, romantic, platonic or otherwise, are strengthened or weakened through communication or lack there of, respectively.

The more I learn about myself the more I realize that I'm use to or expect people to just "get" my sense of humor and my character that it doesn't dawn on me to be absolutely clear of what it is that I mean or expect. I am usually crystal clear as to what I mean, or I'd like to think I am, so when people misunderstand me, it can get to me a little.

That's another thing I've learned about myself over the last few years.

By no means am I obsessive about it. I will try to communicate with people but I have found that once someone has a perception about you (right or wrong), they aren't always willing to change that perception. For whatever reason that may be, all I can do is be the insane (insane "girl you so crazy"; not insane "doctor, her straight jacket is too tight") woman that I am and try to enjoy life, nonetheless. Good or bad, communication is a must. Even if that communication is "I don't think we can be friends", be clear. I told a guy last week that we couldn't be friends, (actually 3...sheesh, that makes me sound like a playa or something else a little more risque') because they were too aggressive in their approach and I definitely saw that pursuing anything with any of them would result in unwanted drama.

But there are some very nice and fun guys I know that it's just cool to know and there are no expectations of anything other than friendship. I have also learned that everyone's different when it comes to how they communicate their feelings and their actions. Understanding the differences, I have also come to realize that people can say lots of things but the things they don't say coupled by their actions or lack there of are just as telling as the words they speak.

I'm only giving one scenario and you'll have to identify with the your own experiences to see if there is something familiar in your world.

Okay, girl meets guy. Guy says he digs girl. Guy and girl text and that's cute and all but girl is saying a whole lot as the guy says very little. Girl stops putting forth effort to communicate because she's getting nothing in return. Once that happens, all communication stops. lol Girl was like "Okay." Weeks go by and she gets a "Hey you." text from the non-talker guy. By this time she has adopted the minimalist communication style of the non-talking male and by keeping her communication to the mirrored responses he gives, strangely enough, because the girl didn't push to communicate with him, he randomly pops up with this "Hey you" stuff just to let her know he was thinking about her. Months can go by and then "Hey you." So, boys and girls, what have we learned here? 

He probably in a relationship. lol He could just not be a big talker but the lack of communication points to relationship, he's not really interested but wants to keep girl on standby or... well that's it. lol

Girl has definitely taken up a mindset of not to think too much about the lack of communication but she knows bullshit when she smells it. If it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck it ain't a fucking chicken.  

Just like in this scenario, the silence in any relationship be they romantic or platonic, speaks loudly and intently. There are some general characteristics that are perceived when a man or woman is interested in someone as well as if a friend doesn't want to be your friend anymore. I could give many examples but be mindful of the things you don't say. 0_o

How do you do that?

Look at your actions? How have your actions changed your relationships coupled with the lack of communication? What you do or don't do anymore and your silence writes a whole story about you for someone. The reason communication is so important is because people do have a tendency to come to conclusions based on words, lack of words, actions and lack of action that may or may not be true but unless you communicate your intent or the truth about how you feel, all a person has is their perception based on what you have given them...

or not given them. 

COMMUNICATION IS KEY SO BE CLEAR IN WHAT YOU DO AND SAY!

B@PEACE!