Saturday, July 23, 2016

What we don't say speaks volumes

Relationships, be they friendly, professional, romantic, platonic or otherwise, are strengthened or weakened through communication or lack there of, respectively.

The more I learn about myself the more I realize that I'm use to or expect people to just "get" my sense of humor and my character that it doesn't dawn on me to be absolutely clear of what it is that I mean or expect. I am usually crystal clear as to what I mean, or I'd like to think I am, so when people misunderstand me, it can get to me a little.

That's another thing I've learned about myself over the last few years.

By no means am I obsessive about it. I will try to communicate with people but I have found that once someone has a perception about you (right or wrong), they aren't always willing to change that perception. For whatever reason that may be, all I can do is be the insane (insane "girl you so crazy"; not insane "doctor, her straight jacket is too tight") woman that I am and try to enjoy life, nonetheless. Good or bad, communication is a must. Even if that communication is "I don't think we can be friends", be clear. I told a guy last week that we couldn't be friends, (actually 3...sheesh, that makes me sound like a playa or something else a little more risque') because they were too aggressive in their approach and I definitely saw that pursuing anything with any of them would result in unwanted drama.

But there are some very nice and fun guys I know that it's just cool to know and there are no expectations of anything other than friendship. I have also learned that everyone's different when it comes to how they communicate their feelings and their actions. Understanding the differences, I have also come to realize that people can say lots of things but the things they don't say coupled by their actions or lack there of are just as telling as the words they speak.

I'm only giving one scenario and you'll have to identify with the your own experiences to see if there is something familiar in your world.

Okay, girl meets guy. Guy says he digs girl. Guy and girl text and that's cute and all but girl is saying a whole lot as the guy says very little. Girl stops putting forth effort to communicate because she's getting nothing in return. Once that happens, all communication stops. lol Girl was like "Okay." Weeks go by and she gets a "Hey you." text from the non-talker guy. By this time she has adopted the minimalist communication style of the non-talking male and by keeping her communication to the mirrored responses he gives, strangely enough, because the girl didn't push to communicate with him, he randomly pops up with this "Hey you" stuff just to let her know he was thinking about her. Months can go by and then "Hey you." So, boys and girls, what have we learned here? 

He probably in a relationship. lol He could just not be a big talker but the lack of communication points to relationship, he's not really interested but wants to keep girl on standby or... well that's it. lol

Girl has definitely taken up a mindset of not to think too much about the lack of communication but she knows bullshit when she smells it. If it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck it ain't a fucking chicken.  

Just like in this scenario, the silence in any relationship be they romantic or platonic, speaks loudly and intently. There are some general characteristics that are perceived when a man or woman is interested in someone as well as if a friend doesn't want to be your friend anymore. I could give many examples but be mindful of the things you don't say. 0_o
How do you do that?

Look at your actions? How have your actions changed your relationships coupled with the lack of communication? What you do or don't do anymore and your silence writes a whole story about you for someone. The reason communication is so important is because people do have a tendency to come to conclusions based on words, lack of words, actions and lack of action that may or may not be true but unless you communicate your intent or the truth about how you feel, all a person has is their perception based on what you have given them...


or not given them. 


COMMUNICATION IS KEY SO BE CLEAR IN WHAT YOU DO AND SAY!

B@PEACE!


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