Everyone knows what's right...for you.

It's difficult to express yourself in a world where unlicensed "therapists" want to tell you how to communicate and naively try to decipher others' emotions with minimal understanding of that person. It leaves me rolling my eyes sometimes, but I get it. We've become such a subjectively analytical society that everyone is right and wrong simultaneously but it all depends on the "my truth" everyone refers to. I wonder if people realize that "their truth" isn't necessarily "the truth". 

I believe ("believe" being the operative word based on my lived experiences) that truth is not subjective. It's evidence-based and supported by reality, not what people wish to be true. Faith isn't even a fact. It's what you believe to be true, and that's cool, too. Developing kindred relationships requires time that allows people to understand and get to know one another. You cannot fast-track knowing people because you cannot experience them in various scenarios at once.  

AI Generated - African American Couple - Good Communication

I have had several people tell me over the years what they feel they require in a romantic partner. Basically, the requirements for those they feel would satisfy their wants and needs. Again, cool.  Today I had a laugh-out-loud message from someone telling me what the trick was to a woman finding a husband. Let me preface by saying I don't know this guy, have never met this guy, have never exchanged communication with this guy, and here I am getting a mansplained lesson on what I need to do to find a husband. The assumption that I am looking for one of those is deliciously presumptuous, but I digress. The mistake many of us make is to assume that someone we are interested in will automatically "get" us. They will understand the spoken and unspoken communication that happens without prompting. People tend to assume the meaning behind whatever form of communication without simply asking a person what they mean or if what they interpret as a message really is a message of some kind. Unfortunately, I've been observing a lot of people, listening to perspective podcasts, and conversations with acquaintances, and an all too familiar theme is people giving advice that they presume or proclaim is "truth". 

Those who say "This is my thought..." or "This is what I believe..." I give more weight and consideration to their perspective because they aren't trying to get me to believe what they think is the end-all be-all interpretation of a thing. If you have ever listened to my podcast (new episodes coming up soon), Prudes Need Not Apply, I have always stood by my position that my podcast is not about debating, nor is the podcast about trying to convince others to believe that what I say is true. The point is communication that leads to understanding perspectives is more effective and not attempting to prove "rightness" yields for a much more dynamic dialogue. The purpose of my conversations being grounded in understanding is that we live in a time with countless educated people in the world however, many still don't grasp how to comprehend various forms of communication. I'm a "read between the lines" person. As an Executive Coach, I'm also a non-verbal, somatic response observer. As a communications major in my graduate program, design and communication is my field of study so though I may not always communicate how others want me to, I always communicate and observe others' messaging via actual verbal or written messages or lack thereof. 

One of my professors once told me that "emotions are data". My coaching training has taught me to notice somatic responses to certain questions. These techniques have become powerful tools for me; in coaching and in life. One communicative issue for me is the idea of people either misunderstanding or misinterpreting my messages. This will cause someone to over-explain, then, after a while, shut down. What I mean by that is if someone is given the answer key to an exam and still fails, you kind of throw up your hands and say, "I gave you everything you needed to get it right." What we can't do is force anyone to comprehend the lessons or answers provided. So what do you do when that happens?

AI Generated - African American Couple - Poor Communication

There is no definitive answer to that question. We do what we think is the correct or reasonable response to a scenario regarding comprehending communication styles. For me, at my old age of old age, I often decide that after I have provided someone with the knowledge required to decipher clear or even some abstract communications, if that someone doesn't seek more clarity or understanding, I won't beat my head against a wall to try and make them understand me. I'm usually an open book and some people are not always interested in this book. I get it, and sometimes they love the story but get to a challenging chapter and want to change the story they have not written, so they may simple stop reading the book; never finishing the story. 

"TRU, What's the point of all of this?"

Well, glad you asked. The point of today's blog is that humans are arrogant (lol) and not many people can back that arrogance up with data and I acknowledge the differentiators of arrogance and confidence. We don't all know everything about any one person, however, we must start exercising more patience and empathy, especially when we have the desire to forge kindred relationships. A lot of people will miss out on beautiful relationships. They are so busy looking for themselves in others because they may think things will be easier. Nope. Not only should people be open to what the universe brings to us genuinely and lovingly but we should have faith and patience to cultivate a beautiful thing. 

May we all find our beautiful things and water them to be the best things in our lives. 

Stay TRU! 

The Bitter and Sweet Notes of Love Experience

In this writing, I'll use the words "we," "us," and "you" as universal identifiers. Take nothing personal because chances are...Iown know you. 😝

I'm growing to love my imperfections more each day because I'm growing to love myself more, and my imperfections are a part of my makeup. We live in a contradictory world where many talk about being imperfect yet expect a perfected version of others. Imperfections are viewed as shortcomings of things that are expected to be absolute, perfect, and/or complete. 

As a procrastinating perfectionist who lives with imposter syndrome, you can see how things can become complicated on the love frontier. What I believe to be true doesn't always align with what I think others think of me, or sometimes what I think of myself. I'm not necessarily an insecure person; however, everyone has their own standards for what they believe is best for them. If we are measuring meeting those standards, admittedly, many times I don't meet someone else's standards because I've never considered anyone else's standards but my own. Honestly, I'm okay with that. Not that I don't think of others, but I'm now more selfish than I've ever been. The good selfish. The necessary selfishness. The most vulnerable thing one can do is often attached to the selfish act that the need for vulnerability creates.

What if your vulnerability isn't the "right" level of vulnerability they are seeking, but all you can offer, at least right now? 

The bitter notes of love begin when love begins; there is a chance that it will be unrequited or rejected, so the panic of heartache is a real thing that many deal with but is often discounted by others, unless it's their heart on the line. I know there is a sadness that surrounds limited expectations of what "love" should look like. Often comes from a very personal space that is influenced by one's expectations, experiences, and self-worth.  

Maybe I'm looking for easy love, but there has never been an easy love. Simple love, maybe. By easy, I mean effortless and nonintrusive, but love is one of the most intrusive things in this world. Honest love feels easy, and still, that's the hardest to navigate. The beauty of a thing is accompanied by the potential of the ugliest capabilities of that thing. The subjective idea of what is beautiful exists on the polarity spectrum of beauty and ugliness, meaning that for one of these identifiers to exist, the other must exist simultaneously on the polarities spectrum. All we can do is navigate between the two. Not sure how well I'm navigating, but come what may, I seek a beautiful and easy acceptance of me. Anyone who feels forced to want to be with or love me, yeah, I don't need it. Let's see what happens. 

The more mature I grow, the less I cling to any one idea of what love should look like. I have had moments of love-sick feeling or the desperation of love. You don't have to be considered a desperate person, per se, to love desperately.  I'm open to what the universe gives, though I'm not easily impressed or convinced by what others say. I trust the universe, not people. I know what I don't want and I have made that known to the universe as well, while realizing that sometimes I don't desire the things I need. My needs override my wants. Don't accept just any ole version of love as dictated by someone who has their own motives to manipulate love. Clarity and wide eyes are the best ways to assess what is true for you when it comes to relationships (whatever those relationships may be). 

***Disclaimer: Truth is objective, and what is, a fact-based experience. "Your truth" is what you believe or are convinced to be true in your situation. Know the difference. 

Be wary of those who boost their value with words instead of action. Let your motto be "Show and Prove" in this season of love. "Eyes wide open," love seems contradictory to the whole "blinded by love" scenarios most experience. Sometimes you don't know what you don't want until it shows up and you think, "Nah. That ain't it." Guess what. That's okay, too. don't feel pressured to accept less because that's what's offered. Puh! Keep pushing, loves. Live life and be open to love showing up authentically just for you in a way you will identify and accept it. 

Love always,

Coach TRU💋