It's not easy being green

As I opened my Blogger account this morning, I was suddenly confronted with a memory of a melody from a song that Gen X kids may remember. It's a song sung by Kermit the Frog called "Bein' Green". Jim Henson, creator of The Muppets and the original voice of Kermit the Frog, did a phenomenal job articulating the longing to understand one's differences and how despite those differences, they are what makes us unique and deserving of love; Acceptance. Random as hell, right? Well, actually, I often flash back to many random memories from my youth, and this song was a fond memory from my high school days at Duke Ellington School of the Arts in Washington DC.  When our concert choir director, Mr. Edward Jackson, taught us this song, we laughed because the was a Muppets song but let me tell you, we LOVED singing this song. As you can see, almost 34 years later and it still holds a beautiful place in my memories. Also, thinking about us as teenagers back then, maybe more teens need this song in their lives. Adults, too. 

Back to it. 

I woke up thinking about rejection and how, despite one's best efforts, rejection will come in this life, and it is unavoidable. Many times, being rejected causes a person to examine things about themselves and question what could have been different that would have yielded an outcome of acceptance but the truth is, sometimes, you can do all the right things or have the best heart and intention and still be rejected. Being rejected feels horrible but accepting that not everyone will accept, like, understand or even care about you, you get to decide how to manage your feelings around the rejection and to not place blame on yourself for how others react or feel about you, provided you're a good* person and not just an asshole. 

(As the word "good" is subjective, you also must understand what you view as being "good".)

 There is rejection due to one's values and standard which we all participate in when we choose which of a thing we prefer. Even deciding to befriend one person over another often results in a feeling of rejection. That may not always be intentional but someone will be rejected and they very well may feel the rejection deeply. Some rejection is intentional, cruel, and often used as a manipulation tactic. Trust me, I know this all too well.  As must as I analyze the behaviors of others, I must be more aware of my behaviors around feeling rejection. 

Even as adults we act out in strange ways when we don't feel wanted. Some behaviors are self-motivating and other could put your mental health and physical personhood at risk.  Again, I have experienced both moments of encouragement and the dark side of dealing with being ignored, turned away, and unwanted. The older I get the quicker I'm able to identify when it feels like a rejection spiral come about and even then I am not fooled into believing that I haven't willingly chosen the self-destructive path. Everyone wants to be wanted, desired, and longed for. I prefer a straightforward rejection over the cruelty of the gas lighting bullshit people do. 

I am me everyday. I'm cute. I'm fat. I'm smart. I'm moody. I'm sensitive. I'm sensitive. I said that twice because sometimes it's a wonderful thing and other times it feels like a burden. I'm affectionate. I'm illusive. I'm loud. I'm quiet. I'm loving. I'm sometimes cold. I'm human. I have grown to love this messy version of myself. I am fucking dope! And finally, in the edited words of Kermit the Frog: 

(I replaced the word "green" with the word "me")

"When me is all there is to be,

It could make you wonder " why?"

But why wonder; why wonder?

I am me and it will do fine. 

It's beautiful and I think it's

What I want to be." 

"Bein' Green" The Muppets; written by Joe Raposo, performed by Jim Henson

Thanks Mr. Jackson. I miss you, dearly. 💓

Be well, loved ones.

Stay TRU💋