People And Their Stuff - Part 2

Life's Love Lesson #90898People And Their Stuff

As for Bill...(is where we left off)

Men are forever saying women use sex as a weapon but this is just plain foolishness. I get where he's going, too, but my take away from this was "If you give me sex I'll work on being better." Shit, even though it sounds a little selfish that she would ask him to do those things, ultimately those things would benefit him the most but all he could see was sex. 

People are going to miss out on lots of things when they only focus on sex but hey...to each his own.

Today, the young lady was telling me how she still doesn't feel the same about him and though she comes off very sweet and nice, there have been many times we've talked and apparently she's been told she is the best thing since sliced bread so there is a little arrogance there where she feels men have to bend over backwards for her. Hey, if you can get away with it, why not, right? When a man, moves you from another state, drives you to and from work every day, puts a roof over your head and send flowers to your office every few weeks for no reason at all, drives all the way to your job in the middle of the day to bring you lunch; I kinda think he thinks you're his girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with doing those things. They are wonderful but she, as "sweet" as she is comes off as someone using him and bottom line is she is. We all use one another but in this case it's deliberate.  I know she is planning to move on and she has said she has told him this. 

My only words for her is be honest with Bill and begin to become more independent so that when she move on it won't be a shock to his system and there will be no bad blood between the two. He's doing a LOT for her and she's not giving anything in return. That will also leave him a little bitter and when the woman comes that will truly feel the same way and appreciate him, he may not want to go all out for another woman for fear that he'll be taken advantage of. If he's truly a nice dude (aside from that jacked up privilege comment he made to her) he'll find a nice girl who will love him. He's looking for love and Elle isn't the one. 

There is nothing wrong with having preferences when choosing a mate. We all have them. I cannot call someone's preferences/expectations/standards unrealistic because who am I to say that they are. Some may call my expectations unrealistic but they are mine. I would say your expectations should be known upfront. Now some people will lie and act as if they are fulfilling your expectations when they have their own agenda and don't intend on fulfilling those expectations. Expectations are not the same as requirements. Standards is more like requirements with wiggle room. If you have these standards and the person you meet don't meet those standards upfront or at least be working on it, don't waste your time. Not to say that person isn't worth getting to know but you can't change people. They have to change themselves so getting into a relationship with someone you think needs to "change" will only make you frustrated. 

I'll use myself as an example. I'm a plushy plump woman; a BBW, if you will. I have known many guys over my life who, no matter how lovely or nice or sexy I may be, will never prefer me and that's okay. If someone likes me but think I'll be better as a smaller woman, no matter how much he tries to convince me to lose weight, he cannot make me. He can encourage me but ultimately I'll have to do the work and that will only happen if I really want to. He cannot come into my situation and say "Change because I would prefer you this way." His best bet would be to say "I like her but I'd prefer someone smaller." and go find someone smaller. If he tries to change me and I don't change, he'll see someone else anyway and that will cause lies and hurt feelings. I'd rather you leave than to cheat. On the flip, if he tries to change me and I don't want to change, I'll resent him for not loving me the way I am and that will also cause great friction in the relationship. 

I'm a bald lady as well so if you want to run your fingers through someone's hair, I'm not the one. For now, I'm the fat bald lady. Deal with it. lol

Anyway, love is easy. Relationships aren't easy. People are complicated but love is easy when you know how to love and how you want to receive love. There is a huge difference between loving someone and wanting someone to fill a void that you have named love.