People And Their Stuff - PART 1

Life's Love Lessons # 90985People And Their Stuff 

Well, since I work in an office with 3 other women, it is safe to say that we will, at some point during our time together at work, discuss the topic of relationships.  That's kinda what we do. One of us are married. Another of us has a boyfriend. One is living with a guy who wants to be her boyfriend but she doesn't feel the same way about him. The last of us is single and actually wants to stay that way.

Okay. I'm the last one but this story isn't about me. It's about my coworker who is living with someone she doesn't have deep feelings for. I'm not going to put all her business out in the street but I have a very particular perspective on her story but when some people have an agenda, no reasoning will get through to them about the decisions they are making in their own relationships. Besides, it isn't my business and I'm not in a relationships so I don't give relationship advice. I offer a unique perspective on an individual's feelings about their own relationship. I will never say to a person, "This is what you need to do..." or "If I were you, I'd..." Again, none of my business, however, if someone wants to share with me, I don't have a problem with that. I'm honest and will tell them if I agree with them or not but ultimately, my point of view isn't the one that matters.  Their's is. 

So let me see if I can make her long story short or he sake of not boring you to death with...pshaww...words. 

Let's call her Elle. 

Elle is new to the area. She moved to Virginia from Minnesota after a breakup with her ex-boyfriend. She is about 30 years old. Cute girl. She comes off really sweet and innocent but, smh...yeah, that's a another story. After her breakup with this guy who, apparently, stressed her out to the point that she became ill, was not supportive and ultimatly...TADAAAAAA...got someone else pregnant (I don't know if it was before or after they'd broken up), she met this guy, let's call him Bill. (I wanted both their names to have 2 ls. lol. Sorry. Back to the story.) Well Bill, I guess, became that needed distraction for Elle and he fell for her actually moved her to VA with him. Now, I don't know how you just move someone but he did. I guess she really wanted to leave the situation. Well, this young lady moves to Virginia and once here, she sees were the guy lives and even though he showers her with flowers, gifts, takes her where she needs to go, wants to be with her and goes all out to show her, she simply doesn't feel the same way about him.  She told me that he doesn't have enough drive for her and that he should have a house and be doing everything he can to place himself in a better position because...and these are her words "I expect more and if my mom can raise 3 girls and still have  a house, he, as a man should have been able to raise his two girls and at least get a town house."  

sigh...okay we'll get to that in a minute. lol but I feel you.  I feel her but I have a dual perspective on that point. 

Now, I have told her time and time again, you can't make someone have the level of drive you wish they had. The problem with this situation is she moved away from the ex who, she says, was a very driven and determined man who basically neglected your feelings, and moved to a man who caters to all of your feeling but personally isn't driven as much as the ex. 

I don't give advice but I had to tell her, "You have to stop comparing the two. They are different men and you want the new guy to have the same traits as the old guy but there are reasons you left the old guy."

Now here is where things get a little funny, sad and ridiculous at the same time. I'm going to add bullets so that it won't feel like the story is going on forever. 

• Remember the ex who got someone pregnant? Well he was engaged to her but she lost the baby and the wedding was cancelled. Meanwhile, family and friends are telling her she needs to come and talk to him because he still loves her. O_o  She asked me what should she do. I said, "Leave it alone. You left. Why would you go back?" She kept saying "I just want to take to him and ask him some questions.  Loved ones, Imma say this.  Sometimes it's best to leave well enough alone because a conversation with the ex will go 1 of 2 ways. A. He will not give you that huge "I'm an ass and I'm so sorry I fucked up" speech you're waiting for or B. He's going to pull you back in and you're going to go through the same shit. But hey, it's your choice. 
• She told me before that she wanted to date guys who were established and had their own homes, cars, money and good paying jobs. GOALS!!!! I don't hate her for that. You need to have expectations. Who wants a broke, unemployeed man? I don't know. Somebody but I don't hate what she wants I just don't like that she has the sugar daddy perspective because she wants someone to take care of her. Again, nothing wrong with that BUT...I told her well, while you're waiting for Mr. Everything, why don't you position yourself to be successful and once you do that you place yourself a position to meet other successful people. Focus on you and he who compliments you will come. Don't look for someone to complete you. Be complete and allow another whole person seek you out. 
• This one was funny. She said she wanted to date a white guy. She black. I said, "Okay." lol I won't knock her. Hell, I'd date a white guy in a heart beat. Oh, I'm black. lol The problem with how she presented it was as if dating a white man would guarantee her someone more successful than dating a black man.  I wanted to say "Oh, honey. Do you know how many broke white guys there are?" lol
• So finally, this was the take away with our conversation today about Bill. He feels that all the women he pours his heart out to and goes above and beyond for are not returning his love.  If man or woman is in a relationship and they are giving 100% an the other is barely giving 10%, they need to ask themselves "Is this the one for me?" At one time Elle told Bill that he needed to do all he can to move from where they are now and work on getting a job making more money and he texted her that he was willing to do all those things if she returned his "privileges".

First of all, um...FUCK THAT WITH A DUAL HEAD DILDO!!!  (Sorry. I cuss sometimes.)

It's one thing to encourage someone to better themselves and their situation but you stepped into his situation and I know Elle wasn't saying it like "In order to get this, you need to do that." but she already expressed that she didn't feel the same way about Bill sooooo (and this is just me thinking) if you don't feel the same affections for him but he got the house and the job and the money, will those things make you feel differently or will you be willing to settle for him because you can live more comfortable on his dime??? I'm just asking questions here.

As for Bill...

See Part 2 of People And Their Stuff