I believe that the choices we make are directly connected to the level of love we have for ourselves. When you love yourself, you want good things to happen in your life and you will do all you can to endure the bad times to eventually return to the good. You crave to be with and around people who will see that love and encourage happiness in your life. I'm not saying be a narcissist but just seeking a level of joy in your life that is not just on the surface. The joy that gets you through the darkest of times when no one else is there. That "God" joy. Have you ever noticed that most of the drama in your life may include the same handful of people? If there is drama in your life with EVERYONE, maybe you should evaluate your part in it. You may be the source of this never ending cycle of drama. IJS.But if you are not the source of all that is dramatic, there are people with whom you surround yourself with that, simply put, are not good for your life.
Some people need to be loved from a distance.When you are trying to do great things in your life, you need to be surrounded by people who are not only doing great things in their lives but who push you towards your goals in positivity and love. Hanging around the folks who will facilitate that which can only make you fall backwards or stand still are not beneficial influences. Let's say, FOR EXAMPLE, you're a guy who is in a relationship and your friends know that you are, those same friends should be happy that you're happy and want to see your relationship prosper not illuminate those things that may cause your relationship to fail. There is something wrong when all a guy can talk about with his "boys" is sex and sharing nude photos of other women with him. This influence could jeopardize a "good" relationship.
The idea of living vicariously through a single friend is dangerous because guys (or ladies) start to believe they are missing out on something so what do we do, we try to sneak and test the waters while in a relationship. We have to take personal responsibility for what we choose to surround ourselves with. That "friend" has no respect for your relationship if he is encouraging you to even lust after or look at other women just because he's on the prowl. It doesn't matter what you did in the past, when you seek to start a new path, you have to walk down a new road. You can't walk down two roads at the same time. That's being double minded and that has no place in a relationship. Be the influence instead of the influenced.
What and who influences you and your relationships???
That was the first example.
I once had a friend who was married and her husband was a pretty okay guy. She had another friend from her wild youthful days that she use to hang out with. This young lady was known for being a negative influence on my former friend. When the two of them would go out drinking, the friend encouraged my friend to talk to other men. She would actually set her up with other men but as I always say,
"In order for someone to influence you to do something, a part of you already has a desire for that particular action.".
My former friend's husband knew this about her friend and for that and whatever other reasons, he didn't like that friend. Now, he loved me! lolol. Because he felt better when I would go out with her. He knew I was not going to be a negative influence on her. This other women saw that my former friend was married but she, herself, was miserable. Let's just say that my former friend decided one day not to be my friend anymore. I later found out that she has since divorced. I never found out why but when you allow negative influences in your life, it has a way for changing your course.
Ladies, because your friends are miserable doesn't mean you have to share in their misery or allow that spirit to permeate your life.. There are many women looking for the bad in your relationship because they have had damaging experiences but be aware of the signs of the constant interference in your relationships. If you are happy about your relationship, the friend who want to see you happy will be happy for and with you. Unless the person you're dating is harming you or a negative influence, your friend should want to be happy for you. They will be all too ready to rejoice if something goes wrong in your relationships and ready to say “See? I told you so.”
Often times, and I've experienced this myself, when you are happy and your friends aren't happy in their own relationships, they don't seek to find out why and how you are happy, they want to pull you down to their unhappy realm of existence. If they change the subject on you when you're sharing with them or something as simple as their facial expressions exuding envy, jealousy or just wishing your happiness would go away, those are red flags to watch. I'm not saying just drop them as friends but assess how the attitudes of these "friends" are influencing the decisions you make for yourself and your relationship.
Bottom line is this, to move forward, you have to let go of some of the things and people who have weighed you down in the past. If they aren't walking with you, they are preventing you from moving. Again, this doesn't mean you stop loving them. In fact, I would even try to get the to walk with you down the road of fulfillment but if they choose not to, that's something they'll have to deal with.
To elevate to a new level you must leave the comforts of the level you are on. Some will elevate with you. Others can only watch you as you rise. Don't feel bad. Some may catch up with you but if not, you stay the course. Love is work. There is nothing easy about it. Jesus died and left the loved ones on this side of time because of how deeply he loved us. I'm not asking you to die, just re-position yourself.
My prayer is that you will find happiness on your path and those around you will encourage you in your joy. Loved ones, it's been real. :)
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