This weekend was spent talking. I feel like I have talked more this weekend than in the last few weeks. Of course, I haven't talked to who I want to talk to but I'm still getting past that. There are so many things I need to do before the end of the year and I'm hoping my emotional side don't shut down my production. Today was hard. Some days you just can't shake of the feeling or longing to be with or talk to someone. A level of loneliness comes over you. Granted, I live with 4 other people and I have been on the phone with my 2 new friends most of the weekend but my heart is still alone. I'm trying to figure out how to grasp what I already know; that I am trying to trick myself into letting go of many things that are hanging on to me.
You may think this is just about a guy or something like that and you wouldn't be totally incorrect to assume that but it's me. I have to let go of some of my ideas about my future, myself, my journey, that will stop me from proceeding. The more I think about the changes coming the more nervous I get. Families developing, careers changing, education and me getting my footing with my decisions for the new year.
Health wise, I have been having a difficult time. I'm not sick or anything like that but my focus on my fitness and nutrition has taken a back seat to my emotions. I'm trying. I really am. It's just hard right now. I'll be okay though. Even if I have to convince myself to believe that even though I don't feel it right now. Goodnight.
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