Where to find love when you're lost.

Always leave a  trail of breadcrumbs from your last major source of love. This is essential when you are in those dark or shadowy places where it seems that love can't possibly dwell there. Over the last few weeks I have taken a blow to my idealist view of love, what it is and what it should be. I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned much about other people but most of all I've learned that regardless of whether a situation turns out the way you hoped it would, you have to keep moving. The toughest part of moving forward from a loving place to a place of uncertain emotions is that you eventually come to the realization that the entire time you've been trying to cope with a loss or a change in your love routine, you have been trying to rationalize the irrational. You have been trying to fathom the unfathomable. You have been trying to tame that which cannot be tamed.  Love is like a rock and a cloud. It has the ability to hold strong. Sometimes unmovable. Not budging. It will be there if you leave and be there when you return. But it can also hover and float away as a vapor  in the sky that rain down emotional drops of real humanity and then dissipates; never to return the same way as before.

For me, last week ended with one of the most real experiences I have ever had. I have learned, up close and personally, that maybe someone may no longer love you like they once did because I guess you can fall in and out of love. More than that I have learned that there is a difference in someone not loving you and someone not wanting you. I didn't really expect to get that revelation but when it came, surprisingly, I was put in a place of calm. I now understand that to know that someone may not love you as much is one thing and you can almost say to yourself, "Well, I can't make someone love me if they don't." but I had to actually say out loud to myself, "He doesn't want me." When you finally say that to yourself, at that very moment the last syllable comes out, it feels like that horrible hospital bandage tape they put on your arm after a shot and you tug at it to take it off and it hurts and you're like "WHAT THE HELL MAN????" You finally decide to just rip off the tape and that shit hurts but when it's off, you immediately thank God, rub the spot and move on. Friday, I thanked God, rubbed the spot and now I'm moving on. Funny thing is I thought I had moved on but now I know I can and must. When you admit that someone doesn't want you, your mind goes in several different places.

• Why don't they want me?
• What changed?
• What did I do?
• What did they do?
• If you wanted me yesterday, why don't you want me today?

and the list goes on but know that all that questioning will only lead you back to one place.  THEY ARE STILL GONE. So, loved ones, don't get me wrong, this isn't a sad blog about someone not wanting me or loving me. My purpose here is to let you know that there is an "AH HA!" moment that happens when you admit to yourself that when the person you hold the most affection for no longer holds that same affection for you, you may dwell in a sad place for a while but get up and remember who you are. Your strength is yours alone. There is not one person who can reach inside you and rip it out without you allowing it. Your love is yours to distribute as you see fit. No one can make you stop giving it away unless you give them permission to control it. Now is the time to turn those affections back onto yourself. Find the best of yourself and fall in love all over again. One thing is for sure, I will always want me. I hope you want you, too! (^_^)   Stay TRU loved ones!!

See this woman? -------------->

I love her with all the breath in my body. I will not give up on her. She's my best friend.