Never Too Late to Make Time for a Dream

I guess it was meant for me to write this blog today because I was thinking I should blog this evening but I didn't want to type from my phone and my computer at home won't stop typing the letter "f". Lol however, I happen to look down at my phone and my blog app was open and a blank post was waiting for me to start typing so, of course I am obedient to the random happenings around me so of course... I type.

At this time of beginning this blog I am on the bus closing in on my home destination but while I sat on my three buses home I honestly reflected on where I am in my life and where I would like to be. Many people aren't happy with the current state of their lives but they also don't know where they want to be or where they want to go.  We roam this life hoping that, by chance, things "work out" but it isn't until years go by and we notice that there are really people out there who still believe in their own dreams and we can't help but stop and wonder where we strayed from our path and more importantly, can and how do we find our way back on track.

The great news is that as long as we have life we have an opportunity to fulfill our dreams and destinies. Sometimes, however, finding one path to follow is rather difficult and, I will gladly be transparent for a moment to be an example of someone seeking her right path.

(Gonna try to make this quick but please don't hold your breath. Lol.)

Age 4  - I wanted to play the piano and asked for a piano for the next 11 years until I realized...I wasn't getting a piano.

Around the same age (4 yo) I wanted to tap dance and this has stayed with me until today. Lo, I am not a tap dancer but have danced to myself over the years to keep the love of the art alive in my soul.

Wrote stories and plays in elementary school and even directed one with a cast and everything. That was the last time I performed one of my plays. Later I would proceed toward acting but...yeah. Let's move on. Smh

 Let's fast forward to high school, shall we? My desire was to attend The Duke Ellington School of the Arts in Washington, DC as a visual artist. Throughout my entire youth I loved to draw. Visual Arts was my first and really only choice for Ellington but lo, again, I had no portfolio or anything to show but because I wanted to get to Ellington, I decided I would get in under another department then transfer to the VA dept. My second choice...theater dept. I had a hard time deciding on a monologue because I was clueless so I proceeded with my third and easiest choice for me...vocal music dept.
I chose a song, practiced, and the day of the audition, I waited in the tan painted hallway of the music floor with other nervous hopefuls, who would later become some of my best friends, and waited to be called to sing my song.  Well, I was called in to a room where an older gentleman sat at a piano waiting for me. Nervous, I breathed a breath of "let's get this over with" and the stern faced older gentleman behind the piano introduced himself as Dr. Dash. Later I would study vocal techniques under the instruction of his wife, Mrs. Dorothy Dash.

Okay, I was ready to sing my song, My Tribute (To God be the Glory), but first I had to sing scales and such to display my range. After a few scales, the older gentleman behind the piano smiles and says, "Thank you. I don't think you need to sing your song." he then thanked me and sent me on my way. I was in!

Four years, one jacked up recital later I graduated Ellington more confused than when I began. Thinking I was hurting others, I stupidly decided that I would not sing again.  The ignorance of youth. Fast forward to the present where I have completed an architecture program, photography programs, audio engineering and music management program and have written so many songs, poetry and other writings that I feel like if I learn one more thing I'm going to push information out of my brain.

Even though this story is not brief at all, O_O, I look at my life to see where I veered  away from my path and passion and I ALWAYS end up with thoughts of when I graduated from the 6th grade. All the graduates were asked what we wanted to be when we grew up. While the other students said the standard canned responses like President, lawyer, doctor, and police officer, I gave a response that no one else gave and I still have the graduation program, somewhere, with, my choice. And what did Tara want to be?

A musician.

Sometimes it is good to revisit the desires of your heart as a child because it could shed light on where you may really should be. Sometime your desires may change but I can almost promise you that you still love some of the same things you did as a child. Help facilitate your children's dreams so 30 years later they won't still be wondering if they could have done more.

As for me, Im going to finish sketching this picture and tomorrow I will practice a few music pieces.

I finally got my piano. (^_^)

Searching for Peace

"Love is available to you at the very moment you think it's the furthest from you."

TRU Essence

I had a conversation with a family member who is feeling lost, alone and unsure that she can make it beyond this day.  Many times our feelings are in direct conflict with our knowledge of who we really are and how much strength we really possess.   Knowing that words don't always help in a situation like that, I had to start with telling her how much I love her and that even in this moment, she is stronger than her worries; stronger than her fears; stronger than her loneliness; stronger than the situation that brought her to this place.  She is stronger than her adversary. 

We often look so far into the future based on our current situation and see a more amplified version of the present.  We often neglect what we know about the strength we have acquired to get where we are and feel like we will faint in the face of struggles.  We look at our issues and weigh the fairness of it and feel like if life is unfair in this situation, life will always be unfair to me.  The truth is sometimes life is very unfair.  Living this life isn't about fairness. Life isn't about everything going the way we want it to go or us being shown favor in every situation.  Sometimes, people will take things from you that isn't there. Sometimes someone will give you something that's not yours. Sometimes you will not receive the things you want no matter how much you want them but trust this: God sees it all and if you can say you are hurting you still have another chance for happiness and growth!

Trust when I say that I understand the valley experience.  We all have them.  They may differ in circumstances but what we feel from them still equates to a pain that, for the individual, feels unique.

It's difficult to find peace in a situation that is birthed from chaos.  People of faith don't always draw from that same faith but, even if for a moment, fall to the worry and doubt that the world has told us is unavoidable, necessary and never ending.  Our feelings are not always reliable, especially when you KNOW how strong you are.

I'm learning everyday that I'm stronger than I feel.  We all are.  You are.  Peace is available when you get to a place to shut out the loud noise of chaos and draw on your strength.  I'm not saying the issues will go away but how you react to them may.  I pray we all continue growing in peace and encourage each other to do so.  We all need to be mindful of any contribution we may have to the chaos we facilitate in the lives of people we suppose to love and even the people we claim we don't love.  If you spread chaos, that's what will come back to you.  If you share peace, even in the chaotic moments you will be able to retain some of that peace to carry you through. Live isn't easy but it doesn't have to break you. 

Be @ Peace Loved Ones!!!

Real Life Requires Real...


Stay TRU  

VALENTINE'S DAY: A Rose with Many Thornes

I had a discussion with my friend to day and asked him what he was doing on Valentine's Day.  It wasn't a surprise to me that he hadn't given much consideration to doing anything on Valentine's Day since he has already stated he didn't like the day and of course I had to ask him why. 

***Side Note: Sometimes, just don't ask any questions because the answers will, most likely, not make since to you or just seem pretty ridiculous but it's their viewpoint so you have to respect it.***

I told him he didn't tell me why and why are men always scared they will have to spend some money.  Well, my friends, I was told, ehem,  "It's like Christmas. It ain't your birthday so why all the gifts?", then he proceeds to say that hopefully he's shown his love year round and women always trying to get money spent on them. smh...

Well, here is my perspective on any holiday or special day set aside to recognize a particular purpose or cause.  Valentine's Day does have very specific historical meaning. For me to get into St. Valentine and why the day exist will be too cumbersome. Besides, I have written about that before in detail and I'd rather not get into that now.  You all are big boys and girls and can research that at your leisure.  The truth is we acknowledge these days and celebrate as symbolic gestures to stop and remember the important things of life. Well, most holidays have some greater symbolic meaning and all we do is pause to acknowledge it.  Have these days become commercialized? Surely, they have but they have become more commercial by those who are generating income from these day and not everyone focuses on the monetary "inconvenience" it may impose.  For some reason, the monetary "inconvenience is amplified on days where some people are encouraged to purchase or just show appreciation for someone else with a gift of some kind. Doesn't have to be a huge expensive gift  but a simple acknowledgement. I have heard people fight so hard against Christmas and Valentines Day because "IT'S COMMERCIAL" and "IT'S ALL ABOUT MONEY".

For example: a person will spend an entire paycheck to buy food for one day, sit around participating in gluttony and sloth and say that it's all in the name of THANKSGIVING. Saying a prayer before dinner doesn't cancel out the fact that you just spent your rent money on food you're gonna scarf down in a few hours. How about all the Halloween candy and party favors? 4th of July cookout fixin's and decorations?  What about St. Patrick's Day?  PEOPLE WHO AREN'T EVEN IRISH WILL CELEBRATE THIS BUT GIVE VALENTINE'S DAY THE BUSINESS. 

Well, Christmas' gift giving tradition stems from the gifts given to the Christ Child and grew to be symbolic as sign of showing love towards friends and family in celebration to the gift that was given to the world. No one ever said a dime had to be spent. As the world has changed, the love of money has taken root in may and has tainted the meaning of these days. Yes, we should love and acknowledge our friends and family daily but with the hustle and bustle of everyday, we, sometimes, take for granted the people who are important to us so these days are like a reminder in society's calendar to stop and say "I love you." Valentine's Day is about love.  It appears to me, sometimes, that even when we try to stop and focus on love, people still let the worry of money cause them to restrict their ability to show love on the day set aside for that purpose alone. The flowers are wonderful.  The dinners are great.  Trinkets are pretty. Gifts are wonderful and yes, women like to receive gifts. Who doesn't? All I can say on Valentine's Day is even if you show love everyday, Valentine's Day shouldn't cause such a problem, now, should it?  The people who never show love may have a problem because now the focus is put on them to step out of who they are to do something out of their comfort zone.  Bottom line, men don't want to feel like they are being made to buy something to show they love someone and women are emotional creatures and SOMETIMES an act of love and appreciation goes a long way with us.

The Other Side.

El DeBarge, one of my favorite R&B artists, has a song called "The Other Side."  I really love this song because it's so hauntingly beautiful and honest. This song has a sadness that also pulls you into, what feel like, madness of the not happy side of love.

I am pretty certain that I am not the only person in this world that has experienced the other side.  It's the two sides of the same coin we are dealing with when it comes to love.

For romantic love, you will hurt and I do believe that you wouldn't hurt so much if you didn't pour your heart into loving someone. We want perfect love and because everyone interpretation of "perfect love" varies, we will never attain that which we chase so we learn to compromise but I believe that there is the point where compromise and self destruction meet. Since there is no perfect human love we itemize the things we can deal with and the things that are deal breakers when it comes to relationships.  Funny thing is the more you love someone, the more the deal breakers diminish but at some point you look at how disproportionated your itemized list is and you may ask yourself "Where am I?" 

We lose ourselves when we love someone so much that the only justification for staying or continuing to love is "we are human".  Well, in our humanity, we are flawed and when in love our flaws are magnified. Where do you think most to all of the arguments in relationships originate from? A pointed out or acknowledged flaw or disagreement. A disagreement is not only a difference of opinion but one party basically feeling that the other party is flawed in their judgment or frame of thinking.

WE ARE NOT PERFECT! Other than God, there is not other perfect love.

Humanity has the capacity to save you or destroy that which defines it; YOU, ME. US. We are ever growing in what we think, feel and how we handle life. Love will never cease as long as we remain human. As wonderful as love can be, it can be equally debilitating to one's own heart.  Some people think that heartbreak or ache is just emotion or psychological. When your heart breaks, something very real breaks in you and you can even feel it physically. Heartache is a real feeling that can make you lose your break or pass out, throw up, get headaches and many other things. For some people, the other side comes much too often and they can't fathom a good love; just the other side.

The Weight of the World

There are moments when you find yourself in a place of seclusion. In this place you find that every thought you think has about 5 more thought tacked onto that thought. These overwhelming thoughts snowball out of control until you can't see a solution for any particular problem but you see a blog where no matter what direction you attempt to tackle first, seeking a resolution, you still tend to  buckle, stop and ask yourself "What am I doing?"

Well, in all that could go wrong and may go wrong in my life, I try not to wait until the weight of life overwhelms me to get my bearings or to get clarity on what I am trying to do.  You have to take time for yourself, daily. May not be hours of time to sit and think about your next steps in a general sense but you can take 5 minutes to say "Okay, where am I and what's next?"

For example, bills

• What bills do I have?
• What is my priority?
• What can I pay now?

Don't look at everything and say I can't pay all this now and start to worry. Know in advance, 'Bite sizes" and you will feel like you are moving forward instead of sitting in a pile of "I can't" and letting it eat you up.

Every aspect of our lives has the capacity to overwhelm us and sometimes it's unavoidable but worry is just panicking about something that may not even happen or something that is beyond your capabilities to handle. Unless you are apart of the 1% of people who are so wealthy that most days they don't have a care about money, you will have issues with money and that alone is stressful but you have to know that good and bad times fluctuate so find so acknowledge when something is beyond your ability and let it go or turn it over to someone who can help you. Even if someone doesn't pour millions of dollars into your hands, they can get you through the emotional, psychological and mental struggles that will help you deal.

You know, the thing about loving yourself is that when you do, you don't want worry for yourself just as you wouldn't want someone else you love to worry. Care about yourself just as you would care about someone you really love. There is nothing wrong with that.  God loves us more than enough and knowing that He cares should make you want to care more about what he cares for.  That's my blah blah blah for the day. Until next time, loved ones, learn something new today and if you don't at least teach someone else something new.

Love

THE ANSWER IS "YES!"

Let me get this out the way


so there ain't no complications

later on for us, no

Look, I know things don't stay the same

People grow and seasons change, but

when it comes to love

don't you feel like

you ever gotta worry about

my feelings changing for you all the time

'cause when I say I'm here

girl, I mean it



So when the world and the odds are against us

you won't have to question



The answer is yes

When 2 or 3 years from now

you start having some doubts

about if this love will last

The answer is yes

I'll still think you're beautiful

'cause I'm more attracted to what's inside of you

You don't have to guess

The answer is yes



'Cause I love you

All I care about is your happiness,

so the answer is yes



People just don't stick around (no)

build you up and let you down, but

I'm not one of those, no (girl)

I understand that you've been burned (before)

Honesty is what you deserve (so much more) yea

and so that's what I'm giving you, girl



So when the world and the odds are against us

you won't have to question



The answer is yes

When 2 or 3 years from now

you start having some doubts

about if this love will last

The answer is yes

I'll still think you're beautiful

'cause I'm more attracted to what's inside of you

You don't have to guess

The answer is yes



Now, if you ask

will I go (no)

when you need me most (no)

the answer is no

I'm dedicated to what we have

but will I be here

the way that I promise

I'll say with no fear

The answer is yes



When 2 or 3 years from now

you start having some doubts

about if this love will last

The answer is yes, and

I'll still think you're beautiful

'cause I'm more attracted to what's inside of you

You don't have to guess



The answer is yes

When 2 or 3 years from now

you start having some doubts

about if this love will last

The answer is yes

I'll still think you're beautiful

'cause I'm more attracted to what's inside of you

You don't have to guess

The answer is yes

The "Love" Breakdown.

Many people may say I overdose on the idea of Love but "Why Not?" In our day to day lives we endure images and experiences of drama, hate, violence, despair, contentment, depressions, anxiety, self esteem and so many other factors that make us who we are and also keeps us on the perimeter of our destiny.

I speak of love because I seek to give and receive love, regardless of my current situation. Funny (not funny "haha") thing is, there are some people in my life, probably most people close to me, have this misconception that I'm not sensitive. The truth is I am extremely sensitive and sometimes it overwhelms me. My sensitivity level is not to be mistaken with my capability to honest , forthcoming and assertive when I need to be. I  have a tremendous voice and a vast perspective on many things in life but I have a heart for God and when you have a heart that's been broken and mended and broken and mended and broken and mended, this heart becomes fragile. Like many people who have gone through traumatic and challenging experiences, I have had my moments of not wanting to forgive or trust anyone ever again, regardless of who they were but simply put; I'm just not made that way.

As I wrote before, many people may say I overdose on the idea of Love but "Why Not?" Let's break down what love is, shall we?

Love is not necessarily a feeling but the idea that causes certain physical reactions to happen. Love is not imaginary. Love is best expressed though actions and words.  Some people think to "make love" is simply the act of a sexual encounter accompanied by emotional attachment. That may not be far from the truth but Making love is more than sex. It's the connection and assurance that you will be with that person through everything. It's the intimacy that happens when you have proven that you are willing to be what they need and what they desire. Making love is a merging of souls, spirits and minds to come to a point of agreeing that the other person is not the dominate source of, not only affection but encouragement, support, dedication, and adoration.  Making love is not sex. Sex is sex. Making Love is the physical portion of the relationship that just solidifies what has already been established.

People show love in so many different ways but there are many misconceptions about love and one of the greatest is that both parties have to love each other for the "LOVE" to be valid. The person receiving this outpouring of love must feel it. I do believe that you can love someone who doesn't love you  but their acknowledgement of your love isn't required for them to still be loved. Many of us love from a distance. I love LOTS of people from afar. Sometimes, you just have to. No...I don't mean stalking someone. lol. I mean to either feel an affection for someone who, at this time, is not able to be in your life, capable of accepting your love or has soooooooooooo much crap with them you just want them to stay exactly where they are. lol. That last one was specifically for family. lololol. Just kidding. (nodding my head "no")

As for me, I like showing my love. I don't make grand gestures or grand demands but I love my folks. If some don't love me, that's cool, too. I can love them from a distance. I don't need to be in your face everyday for you to know I love you.  LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE...it's just pretty sometimes. Sometimes it's looks like a train wreck and feels like one, too. If you can survive it, you will learn soooooo much. I should be a freakin' genious!

later taters!