Holding My Breath

Holding My Breath
by TRU Essence

I whispered the secret of love and life in her ear
but the volume of life happening around her was too loud
we poured into each other the kind of energy that takes a blow yet gets stronger
kinetic like, without ceasing
I couldn't convince her, without words, that love took shape and turned into something unexpected

She wouldn't have believed me
She didn't want to believe me
we, as in her and me,
we, as in the existence, us all
we are selfish to love like we do
I am selfish to love like I do
always hoping that I am loved in return
and always find disappointment because that love is never returned
it's my own fault to love the way I do
to want love the way I do
so undeserving
are we ever deserving of the love that we receive
if received
how arrogant of me to think love is deserved
No great deeds have I done to be graced with something
so deeply saturated with the joy and desire of melting calm
falling backward into comfort wrapped arms
a life of turmoil for a moment
just a moment to be selfish enough to want to be loved
just a moment to be arrogant enough to expect to be loved
just a moment to be disappointed enough to know that love has lost my address
I'm falling backward but no one is there
I
I
I
How selfish of me to want to love her just to feel love in return
how arrogant of me to think I'm due what I truly desire
to see her face to face and know that in her eyes, I swam
in her heart, I bathed
In her mind, I roamed
In her life, I stood
awaiting instructions
how foolish is it for me to love her
knowing  that not knowing would destroy me
but still