i feel me changing
i try to tell myself "don't do that. don't touch your head. don't touch your face. be calm. don't shake. don't twitch. don't let people see you falling a part. they will call you 'insane' and they may be right."

maybe it's my penalty. i tried to leave. i wanted to but i couldn't

maybe it is my penance that i slowly see myself disappear into darkness.

i tried. i did try. i cried out for help and saw more emptiness. i try with what i know because i can still see myself but feel me fading. i can't focus. it has become involuntary, these movements that let the world know that something isn't right. it feels like being paralyzed on a train track as the train approaches.

i tried to leave. i called for him but everything was quiet. i wanted to be yellow again but i'm purple and stuck. i see the lightening but i was trying to get back to yellow but i'm purple. there is no more normal.

if i keep writing, maybe i will remember.

i don't remember her. i don't remember me. if i stop moving, maybe the quiet will calm me.
i don't know.
i don't know.
i don't know.
i don't know.
i don't know.
i don't know.
i don't know...