Today...

I woke up from a dream today and was jolted into the reality that nothing is the same as yesterday.

Today it started sinking in and I finally wept. I cried a little before but this morning it was different.

I don't want this to be a sad post so I'll keep it short. I realized that one of the characteristics of humanity is the capacity to make mistakes. We all do. Our imperfection is why we are human.  In our humanity we long for love in wrong places, commit acts that will harm and hurt people physically and emotionally, we bend faith back like a spoon as if we are tempting it to break then ask why if it doesn't and if it does. I also understand that it is our humanity that longs for perfected love.

There was a little girl at the fountains yesterday while I sat and pondered on what feels like ghost images of someone I love.  I have moments where I'm all "I will survive" then there are moments when I feel like my breath is being pulled out of me like strands of cotton from a cotton ball. The little girl. She left her family across the plaza and sat behind me at the fountain.  I heard a little voice and I stopped to listen. She was about 8 years old and after she made her wish I watched her skip to the other side of the plaza and she looked like me when I was her age. I was astonished at fact that she'd wished my wish and had my likeness.

Her wish was "I wish I could have my own bff forever."

I thought that wish was granted for me but...

I'm praying for her that she receives exactly what her heart desires. She was beautiful and in her spirit was a genuine need to be loved by someone forever. She's looking for someone who will love her through any difficult season and share the good seasons with her. She's looking for the one she can tell her secrets to and will hold her when she doesn't know anything else to do. She's looking for honest and genuine love. I think we all need that. She made me both smile and cry because after 40 years, she may find her self at this fountain with a little girl making the same with she'd wished for on this day. I pray her coin was not wasted and pray she remains well.

My wish has expired. one week. it's no easier.

I feel forgettable. Maybe that's good.

Don't forget.