I'm growing to love my imperfections more each day because I'm growing to love myself more, and my imperfections are a part of my makeup. We live in a contradictory world where many talk about being imperfect yet expect a perfected version of others. Imperfections are viewed as shortcomings of things that are expected to be absolute, perfect, and/or complete.
As a procrastinating perfectionist who lives with imposter syndrome, you can see how things can become complicated on the love frontier. What I believe to be true doesn't always align with what I think others think of me, or sometimes what I think of myself. I'm not necessarily an insecure person; however, everyone has their own standards for what they believe is best for them. If we are measuring meeting those standards, admittedly, many times I don't meet someone else's standards because I've never considered anyone else's standards but my own. Honestly, I'm okay with that. Not that I don't think of others, but I'm now more selfish than I've ever been. The good selfish. The necessary selfishness. The most vulnerable thing one can do is often attached to the selfish act that the need for vulnerability creates.
What if your vulnerability isn't the "right" level of vulnerability they are seeking, but all you can offer, at least right now?
The bitter notes of love begin when love begins; there is a chance that it will be unrequited or rejected, so the panic of heartache is a real thing that many deal with but is often discounted by others, unless it's their heart on the line. I know there is a sadness that surrounds limited expectations of what "love" should look like. Often comes from a very personal space that is influenced by one's expectations, experiences, and self-worth.
Maybe I'm looking for easy love, but there has never been an easy love. Simple love, maybe. By easy, I mean effortless and nonintrusive, but love is one of the most intrusive things in this world. Honest love feels easy, and still, that's the hardest to navigate. The beauty of a thing is accompanied by the potential of the ugliest capabilities of that thing. The subjective idea of what is beautiful exists on the polarity spectrum of beauty and ugliness, meaning that for one of these identifiers to exist, the other must exist simultaneously on the polarities spectrum. All we can do is navigate between the two. Not sure how well I'm navigating, but come what may, I seek a beautiful and easy acceptance of me. Anyone who feels forced to want to be with or love me, yeah, I don't need it. Let's see what happens.
The more mature I grow, the less I cling to any one idea of what love should look like. I have had moments of love-sick feeling or the desperation of love. You don't have to be considered a desperate person, per se, to love desperately. I'm open to what the universe gives, though I'm not easily impressed or convinced by what others say. I trust the universe, not people. I know what I don't want and I have made that known to the universe as well, while realizing that sometimes I don't desire the things I need. My needs override my wants. Don't accept just any ole version of love as dictated by someone who has their own motives to manipulate love. Clarity and wide eyes are the best ways to assess what is true for you when it comes to relationships (whatever those relationships may be).
***Disclaimer: Truth is objective, and what is, a fact-based experience. "Your truth" is what you believe or are convinced to be true in your situation. Know the difference.
Be wary of those who boost their value with words instead of action. Let your motto be "Show and Prove" in this season of love. "Eyes wide open," love seems contradictory to the whole "blinded by love" scenarios most experience. Sometimes you don't know what you don't want until it shows up and you think, "Nah. That ain't it." Guess what. That's okay, too. don't feel pressured to accept less because that's what's offered. Puh! Keep pushing, loves. Live life and be open to love showing up authentically just for you in a way you will identify and accept it.
Love always,
Coach TRU💋
