SCAMMER ALERT! I'm not going to say I hate people but... they make it so hard not to.

 today feels like a writing day. a day to not monitor what is written, more than making sure what needs to be said is on the page. get the idea down on to ...well, not paper but monitor? I do journal with pen and paper, but today...clickity clicks will do. 

the state of the world is pulling at the energy levers of highly sensitive people like me. i don't complain. i grieve. i don't point the finger. i reflect on my own accountability in the timeline of my existence. i examine my fight, flight, and freeze responses because i experience them all, just as everyone else. as i fight the fear that causes me to take flight and to freeze, my awareness of the tangibility of my hearts fear or hesitation of trust in self and others; trust in ideologies and ethical philosophies birthed in selfish motives. truly, selfish motives are all we have since there seems to be no truly altruistic purpose in life. in philosophical studies, it's debated whether or not a good deed is truly altruistic if the act gives the doer of the deed any level of joy from it. even if you think you are selflessly giving to someone in need, the debate is by helping them, you feel joy in seeing them receive what they need. the joy itself takes the deed doer out of the running for true altruism. 

my decision then is to not seek to be altruistic. my goal is simply to absorb as much joy and pleasure from this finite lifetime and if that means wanting the joy from giving and doing what is good and right takes me out of the running for the "Altruistic Giver of the Year" award (no such thing btw), then i'm cool with that. i am not being reminded how quickly i can veer off topic because this post is not supposed to be about altruism. it's about the jacked up week i had and still I digress to share other thoughts. i survived the week so i press onward. 

Okay, so the second half of this blog post won't be as visually annoying. lol Did the lack of capitalization irritate you as much as it irritated me to write? Yeah, I get it. lol

Anywho, scammers be scamming, and we're all susceptible. This includes me. This week was hard because when you realize how wicked people are,  you don't trust anyone, and may I mention that I don't trust people anyway, so this week simply fortified my attitude regarding trust. It's not that there are people I don't trust. I guess I trust that humankind will always find a way to distort reality to serve their individual purposes.  I shouldn't but I expect deception, dishonesty, selfishness, deliberate distortion of goodness for nefarious purposes. So in these cases, there is a blanket distrust, and anyone can get it. Family, friends, etc. This isn't totally a "fuck the world" post. A little maybe, but not really. 

My journey came to a point where I wanted to trust others and didn't trust myself. First, this isn't self-hate because I'm dope af. This was what you know to be true, being distorted by a sick society surrounding what you're trying to keep safe: your mind, heart, spirit, and energy. The US is in a cluster fuck because of selfish hate-filled entitled racists. This didn't spring up this year. This was a decades-long plan that needed the right fool to come distract the masses as to what the others are maneuvering in the background.  Okay, let me tighten up the view. My ability to go panoramic allows me to veer off.

SCAMMING SONS OF BITCHES!!!! That's what has pissed me off this week. I'm good because I'm cool, but I can be angry and not "sin". Both can be true. Job seekers are being scammed, and I was targeted this past week. Did they get any money from me? Hell no! But these people have my information (name, address, dob) and that's more than enough for identity theft, so now I'm even more hypervigilant than I normally am. I simply can't trust humans. Trust at your own peril.  

Since I've been isolated from the world for the last 15 months, I felt it was time to get my ass back into this horrible job market that has everyone clambering to find a way to make a living. I was contacted about a job opportunity. Normally, I ignore when someone contacts me with any offer, but I am applying for full-time work. I'd rather invest in new coaching innovations, but capital is needed, so we move forward. My resume is listed on several job search sites, and someone saw it or my LinkedIn profile and emailed me to offer me a fake job. Y'all know I'm smart, analytical, and take everything with a grain of salt until you prove the opportunity is real and beneficial. This time, however, I guess I just wanted the offer to be real. Although this company is legit, the people contacting me were not real representatives from the company.   BOB CHESTER IS NOT AN EMPLOYEE AT ZRG PARTNERS! The scammers have a three-step communication setup to make you believe the recruiter's initial outreach/interview process (which was a job and I questioned everything upfront, but...), then they direct you to HR to send your name, address, and telephone number so they can send you an offer letter. Examine the emails received fo contact information. Phone numbers, emails, business address, website, etc. If none of this information is in the email, ABORT!!!! and go to the website to see if they have a staff directory and see if these clowns are on the list. If not contact the actual company's HR directly.  PAUSE... any company that wants to hire or onboard you will contact you with logistics and an offer letter with the CEO/OWNER's name and SIGNATURE. Remember the signature part. The HR person congratulates you and sends an offer letter for you to sign and return with A COPY OF YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE via email. DO NOT SEND YOUR ID TO ANYONE VIA EMAIL. HR departments will have a secure program to upload all necessary documents. If they don't, they should. It's 2025. Upgrade folks. Anyway, look for whether they schedule an interview or if they offer the position after sending screening/interview questions. Talk to someone and look in their face before accepting anything. 

Here is where the scammy part of the scam gets you. In the email, the "HR Manager" sends, they ask you to select which computer package you would like since you will be working remotely and need to have your equipment for your training and before you start. They will send you an image of the front and back of a check but before they send it, they will ask what your bank's mobile deposit limit is. Afterwards, they send you a check very close to the limit amount. They ask you to deposit it,, and after a day or two, they will contact you via text and ask if the check went through. In my case, I didn't deposit the check into my account. I had someone else do it. I told them to monitor it because it was suspish. I asked her what is the status of the check. She said it was on hold. I told her it was not real because if it's on hold, the bank is suspicious that it was fake. If the status was "pending", that means they are processing it.  I immediately told her to contact the bank and let them know what's going on so they don't think you're intentionally depositing bad checks. She got that taken care of, so all is well. I was then contacted by the scammy sonsofbitches asking if the money was deposited. I told them it was on hold and they then started saying that they talked to the vendor and if I sent a deposit, they would get the ball rolling on sending the equipment. (insert the NOT BOO BOO THE FOOL expression here.) 

PAUSE AGAIN...any company who will be providing you with equipment for your role is not going to send you money, then ask you to contact a third party to purchase your equipment. They will order the computers/laptops they require you to have and will have them shipped to you. UNPAUSE.

Once they asked me for money, I said I'm not sending anything until the check clears. I already knew the check was fake, and what happened next was expected. They went straight ghost. Reminded me of most dudes I know. lolol 

I posted my story on LinkedIn and did my own research on these folks, and they have been scamming lots of people. The phone number I communicated with was also connected to a scam using the company The 95 Agency as a cover name. The company posted an announcement on LinkedIN stating they are being used in a scam and to not engage. I then emailed and texted the scammers that I knew they were scamming people, and to destroy any information on me because I reported them and will be monitoring for identity theft, and they will be caught. They don't know who I know. lol

So the moral of this long ass story is I hate people. 

I then connected with the actual ZRG Partners company and applied for another position directly with them. lol Let's see what happens. If I get a job with the real company, oh what a story this will be. 

Ha! I will have the last laugh.

Notes on how to avoid employment scams

51

50 was such nice even number. More even than my mindset right now but still... it was a good one. Now I embark upon completing my 52nd year here and my hope is that my journey from 51 to 52 will yield extraordinary truths about who I am to be in this world. I know. I know. 51 years and you still don't know? Well, no. I think many people feel this way. I've put the little violin away and now want to experience the boom of the bass as miraculously wonderful things happen in my life. As much as I say I want a simple like, and that is still true, simple can be amazing. It's all about perspective. 

When I wake up and my little digital Finch bird friend app chirps from my tablet, signaling me to get up and open my curtains, I think it's simply the silliest but simply beautiful way to start my day. By the way, his name is Noodles. The app holds my "to do" list each day. It may not change the world but when I push myself to get up (and believe me; some days it's a PUSH), welcome the sunlight into my room, fix my bed, meditate, wash my face, brush my teeth, declutter my space, have breakfast or even eat lunch (because honestly, I do forget sometimes and then I'm eating very late).

51 has me evaluating my forward steps, challenging my beliefs, finding clarity in my purpose (whatever that is), and understanding where I stand within myself and with the world around me (family, friends, randos in the world). Even in my isolation there is much I wish to say. I get in my own way. 51 knows that I should care what others thinks but the truth is no matter how much you don't care what others think, a lot of what we do and say tends to seek a reaction from others, Even if the reaction is "Wow! They don't care what anyone thinks." You will say "Damn right!" It's pleasing to you that someone got you. Well, 51 says don't solicit what others may say about your not caring what others think. 

We're such contradictory beings. 

51 has brought me to an understanding of what I believe in, spiritually, and honestly, most people I know would probably look at me sideways because I don't blindly follow anyone. I don't trust that what they (man, human beings, peoplez) say when I know that even the most sacred words and messages has always been and will always be distorted by man for personal gain. Not all of them but well, just look at the world. Plus, when you "study to show thyself approved", you dig deeper into the meaning of what's been taught, how they were interpreted by man, and you begin to seek beyond what they (universal "they") tell you and I'm simply not in the market for "truth" that is wrapped in personal perspective. I can believe but I also can pray to our creator to lay a pathway of true understanding for me. Learning about the incomplete doctrine that was taught to us from people who used those very words to hold us captive to our beliefs and sensitivities for a merciful God, yeah, it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. Not to mention that King James got folks thinking his VERSION is the complete work and word of God. Nope. King James ain't like y'all. 

But this wasn't about my spiritual philosophy, it's about...

51

51 has provide deep insight on who is full of shit and who isn't when I'm approached about almost anything. An advanced bullshit detector, if you will. Recently a dude reached out with his personal resume and I responded but, if you know me, sarcasm is my second fluent language. Not harsh but goofy. I am a believer that it takes time to get to know someone's true personality and I don't give you a seemingly perfect version of me. From jump, you get me. It's their job to get to know me and not rush to judgement but I also know that some people don't have the patience to get to know others and not everyone has my sense of humor so, puh taw! Rejection. lol It doesn't pinch me as hard as it used to. In fact, sometimes, when I know a vibe is not great, I embrace it and carry on. Life is life.  

My 51 gave me my sense of self.

2:32 am, July 12, marked the completion of my 51st year as a detached being from my momma. lol. My astonishment is that I actually made it to 51. All the times I didn't plan on making it, I'm glad I trusted my mind over my heart and emotions. Sometimes they all aligned and the only thing I could do was wait. Let me tell y'all, do not underestimate the WAIT. This world is moving at such a fast pace and information is coming at you faster than you can absorb it; some of which is a load of shit. Waiting to think, make a decision, act on an impulse, assess why you are making the choices you are can shift your personal paradigm. Two things can be true. We can make moves and wait at the same time. If you're overly analytical you may ask how. Don't be over analytical here. lol If you don't get it, this post is too long for me to elaborate. 😂

I say this to say this: 

I appreciated all of the experiences, good/bad, happy/sad, encouraging/discouraging, the light/darkness, the doubt/confidence, and all the interdependent pairs that shape our humanity. I appreciate the love I've receive, not matter how short lived. I appreciate the lessons learned from those who were not so loving. Seeing myself more clearly helps me to bypass someone's manipulation and defining who I am without my permission. Who others think I am is not my business if I don't succumb to their pressures. If I want to have a cigar and a drink on my deck while I listen to music and all of the birds and crickets that loudly surround me, then that's a beautiful time for me. If I'm engaged in conversations of understanding with a good friend or even a potential new love, then that's a beautiful time for me. If I listen to my mother and father repeat tales they have told for over four decades, then truly, that is a beautiful time for me. There are many memories and experiences I can recall and think I'd wish I'd done things a little differently but when you step into a mindfulness spirit, what matters is that I'm happy with 51. 

Stay TRU💋

The Same Difference

For years, I have often spoken about how many people claim to be different from others and somehow, more unique than most, but I have yet to find an abundance of distinctions among the same people who claim an extraordinary level of uniqueness. Truth is, everyone is unique when you consider our unique DNA "stuffs"; however, differences usually show up in how we navigate the society we subscribe to, and even then, so many people share similar experiences, with similar reactions, and similar mindsets. No, no one person experiences life exactly the same, but there are variations of similar experiences that we react to according to our beliefs, rationale, emotions, and level of understanding and knowledge. 

I used to think I was absolutely the only version of me (which is still true) until I saw someone who had my face and others who felt the things I felt about almost everything. It's sobering and also relieving because it highlights the fact that we truly are not alone in the world. I have never claimed to be different, but what I do, how I think, and how I appreciate the world around me (sometimes) have made others view me differently. For me, that's good enough. 

I realized early in life that all the people parading around talking about how different they were, weren't. We (universal "we") like to paint ourselves in the best light so others can do the same, but the truth is, I have long since stopped believing what people say and only slightly believe what they do. Behavior is the differentiator. When a person says "I'm different," but I see the same tired behaviors that I've seen time and time again, I'm not upset, nor am I shocked that they are human. Period. 

Lots of people try to appear as close to perfection as possible, even in our flawed existence. Some people say how "perfectly flawed" they are. See how they can't be simply flawed? They have to be perfectly flawed. During the last decade or so, we (universal "we") have become "experts" in healing, growth, emotional intelligence, communication, and relationship criteria. Well, I trust those who study in these fields and even consider the perspectives of those who are not professionally focused in these areas but have done the work on themselves and help others in an authentic, non-judgmental way. Not everyone does that, so it isn't wise to just blindly believe someone who says they have the "secret" to healing and what it is supposed to look like. Most of the time, that "expertise" is conditionally based on their subjective perspective of their own experiences or what they think they know about someone else's experiences. 

With all this "expertise" floating around, it just sounds like a room of parakeets. Now, granted, this is not all bad. To me, this seems like people are grasping the idea of the work it takes for self-care and "healing" from past and sometimes present wounds. However, the idea of unique perspectives is a stretch when so many people are parroting each other's words, almost verbatim. Nothing is wrong with that. I simply throw up an eyebrow when people say they are different. When I ask "how so?", either they regurgitate things others have said or they express what they think "good" different is, and most of the time, again, I've heard that "difference" before. 

I won't drag this on much longer, but I'll leave with this:

The "difference" doesn't show up in the saying but in the doing.

If I don't have a point of reference for someone, I simply trust what I see and what they show me. 

Show me you're not the same as everyone else by not doing the all same things as everyone else.

Stay TRU

It's not easy being green

As I opened my Blogger account this morning, I was suddenly confronted with a memory of a melody from a song that Gen X kids may remember. It's a song sung by Kermit the Frog called "Bein' Green". Jim Henson, creator of The Muppets and the original voice of Kermit the Frog, did a phenomenal job articulating the longing to understand one's differences and how despite those differences, they are what makes us unique and deserving of love; Acceptance. Random as hell, right? Well, actually, I often flash back to many random memories from my youth, and this song was a fond memory from my high school days at Duke Ellington School of the Arts in Washington DC.  When our concert choir director, Mr. Edward Jackson, taught us this song, we laughed because the was a Muppets song but let me tell you, we LOVED singing this song. As you can see, almost 34 years later and it still holds a beautiful place in my memories. Also, thinking about us as teenagers back then, maybe more teens need this song in their lives. Adults, too. 

Back to it. 

I woke up thinking about rejection and how, despite one's best efforts, rejection will come in this life, and it is unavoidable. Many times, being rejected causes a person to examine things about themselves and question what could have been different that would have yielded an outcome of acceptance but the truth is, sometimes, you can do all the right things or have the best heart and intention and still be rejected. Being rejected feels horrible but accepting that not everyone will accept, like, understand or even care about you, you get to decide how to manage your feelings around the rejection and to not place blame on yourself for how others react or feel about you, provided you're a good* person and not just an asshole. 

(As the word "good" is subjective, you also must understand what you view as being "good".)

 There is rejection due to one's values and standard which we all participate in when we choose which of a thing we prefer. Even deciding to befriend one person over another often results in a feeling of rejection. That may not always be intentional but someone will be rejected and they very well may feel the rejection deeply. Some rejection is intentional, cruel, and often used as a manipulation tactic. Trust me, I know this all too well.  As must as I analyze the behaviors of others, I must be more aware of my behaviors around feeling rejection. 

Even as adults we act out in strange ways when we don't feel wanted. Some behaviors are self-motivating and other could put your mental health and physical personhood at risk.  Again, I have experienced both moments of encouragement and the dark side of dealing with being ignored, turned away, and unwanted. The older I get the quicker I'm able to identify when it feels like a rejection spiral come about and even then I am not fooled into believing that I haven't willingly chosen the self-destructive path. Everyone wants to be wanted, desired, and longed for. I prefer a straightforward rejection over the cruelty of the gas lighting bullshit people do. 

I am me everyday. I'm cute. I'm fat. I'm smart. I'm moody. I'm sensitive. I'm sensitive. I said that twice because sometimes it's a wonderful thing and other times it feels like a burden. I'm affectionate. I'm illusive. I'm loud. I'm quiet. I'm loving. I'm sometimes cold. I'm human. I have grown to love this messy version of myself. I am fucking dope! And finally, in the edited words of Kermit the Frog: 

(I replaced the word "green" with the word "me")

"When me is all there is to be,

It could make you wonder " why?"

But why wonder; why wonder?

I am me and it will do fine. 

It's beautiful and I think it's

What I want to be." 

"Bein' Green" The Muppets; written by Joe Raposo, performed by Jim Henson

Thanks Mr. Jackson. I miss you, dearly. 💓

Be well, loved ones.

Stay TRU💋

A Full Circle of a Beautiful Life

View from my former rooftop. Oh, how I miss it. NE DC

Breathe.

Be still.

Keep Calm.

Know that you will be okay.

Then...get to work!

Lately

Many times, we often find ourselves returning to the place of heartache and heartbreak (often mistaken as the same thing but slightly different; a break will ache, but an ache doesn't necessarily break). 

I've been up for hours just thinking and listening to music. Tonight has been a night of trying to find the sense in heartbreak and how frequently it has come for me. No, I do not pity the lot in life I have received, but I think of the lens through which I view my experiences. Some things have stuck with me over the years, and I realize how common it is for many people to feel a need for closure to put a stamp on the finality of relationships, experiences, and so on, or they seem unable to let go. I often hear people say, "Just let it go." I agree with this sentiment. Let go of the hold memories have on you. Let go of the inability to move forward without some sort of finish. There is no point in waiting for "Fin" to appear as the closing credits roll to a monumental musical score. 

Sometimes the closure is that whatever you had is simply over, and sometimes we don't like or understand its ending. Sometimes there are no magical excuses or reasons why something ends. Things end. Moments end. Experiences end. Seasons end, though they return, not the same as before, but holding on to the traits that define them. If love has defined your best season, it will return, but the love may not look the same as it did in the past. There is both sadness and excitement in the flourish of a new thing. To hold the new thing sufficiently, you must open your hand so that the old thing can fall to the ground or be whisked away by the breeze carried atop the whispers of yesteryear's wishes that never came true, but hold space in hopeful hearts. For some time now, I've been meditating and asking if I'm making the correct decisions for my life. 

I believe in mindful moments being the only true moments we have in life. Your future moments will become the present moment at some point. Nothing in your past can be altered; only reflected upon. Future moments are not carved in stone, so the worry we have about them only destroys our present mindset. Let them go. We want so much to be able to control what happens and what will happen. In understanding that point, the decisions I've made have all led me to a point of understanding that I don't understand everything, and I am fine with that. Our evolution depends on our curiosity to understand so that we may find the wonders of life in extraordinary ways. Rather than pray or desire the answers so that I may escape the deep cuts of life, I ask for the awareness of moments to know when to proceed and when to detour my path. I ask that I be given the knowledge of how to bandage the unavoidable injuries that come with life. I ask that I receive an additional 24 hours to experience the shift in the atmosphere so that I may not give in to the moment of hopelessness. I ask for visibility even when I want seclusion. One thing that is true for all is that this life will conclude, and not everyone will get the ending they hope for. Some hope life will go on and on. We live a very finite existence, and when you think of life as a pathway to an ending, the time we spend wishing and hoping for things we can't have or can't change seems fruitless and wasteful. 

Believe me, my heart pines for a great lost love, lost opportunities, lost relationships that I have altered because of my own actions or inaction. I think of all those things while listening to Stevie Wonder's "Lately". I've lived those lyrics. Sometimes, we don't grieve lost loves left behind; we grieve the person we used to be or the person we wanted so much to be but never were. Although Stevie's lyrics are about feelings of an impending end of love. I have felt this with both love and my own identity. My premonitions are rarely wrong, and so when I feel, think, observe life the way I do, I acknowledge what may be coming then leave it to the universe to decide what shall be. I have not made the wrong decisions in my life. I made decisions that pushed me towards who I am today. Give yourself compassion and understanding that life comes as it may, and we cannot predict what happens, no matter how much we plan. Give yourself grace to be human. In all things (good, bad, indifferent), be grateful for what life teaches you. So as the thunder growls outside my window and the sky weeps for brighter days, I, too, will have grace for this moment and be grateful for it because right now will never return. 

Absorb

ABSORB

By: TRU Ess

He chased my dreams until he caught up to me

Stood still and watched me turn to see who stood there

My head tilted and my heart smiled because no matter how fast or far I ran

He would always catch up to my dream

Sweetly, a melody left my berry hued lips and was intercepted by his arms 

Which also held a love he sometimes could not fathom

But there it was

As I turn to continue my journey, he walked beside me

Hand in hand

Swinging to the rhythm of the breeze

The curiosity is seized and he no longer has to wonder if he is welcomed

I am here for you

I know you are there for me

Love began with a whisper and ended with a sonic boom 

That to many, sounds like the murmuring of a thousand wasps

I am here for you

I know you are there for me

Walk with me into the sun

Where we both can burst into a love held by the divine

A calm washes over us in the midst of a chaotic world

Finding a place to smile seems difficult in the presence of grimacing faces 

They will look at our love and think it peculiar

Couple walking into the Sun (AI Generated Image)

Think it unbelievable

Or think it rather mundane

Through a sea of thousands I locked onto his eyes staring back at me and he reached through to grab my hand

Today, we walk

Today, we walk

Today, we