Everyone knows what's right...for you.

It's difficult to express yourself in a world where unlicensed "therapists" want to tell you how to communicate and naively try to decipher others' emotions with minimal understanding of that person. It leaves me rolling my eyes sometimes, but I get it. We've become such a subjectively analytical society that everyone is right and wrong simultaneously but it all depends on the "my truth" everyone refers to. I wonder if people realize that "their truth" isn't necessarily "the truth". 

I believe ("believe" being the operative word based on my lived experiences) that truth is not subjective. It's evidence-based and supported by reality, not what people wish to be true. Faith isn't even a fact. It's what you believe to be true, and that's cool, too. Developing kindred relationships requires time that allows people to understand and get to know one another. You cannot fast-track knowing people because you cannot experience them in various scenarios at once.  

AI Generated - African American Couple - Good Communication

I have had several people tell me over the years what they feel they require in a romantic partner. Basically, the requirements for those they feel would satisfy their wants and needs. Again, cool.  Today I had a laugh-out-loud message from someone telling me what the trick was to a woman finding a husband. Let me preface by saying I don't know this guy, have never met this guy, have never exchanged communication with this guy, and here I am getting a mansplained lesson on what I need to do to find a husband. The assumption that I am looking for one of those is deliciously presumptuous, but I digress. The mistake many of us make is to assume that someone we are interested in will automatically "get" us. They will understand the spoken and unspoken communication that happens without prompting. People tend to assume the meaning behind whatever form of communication without simply asking a person what they mean or if what they interpret as a message really is a message of some kind. Unfortunately, I've been observing a lot of people, listening to perspective podcasts, and conversations with acquaintances, and an all too familiar theme is people giving advice that they presume or proclaim is "truth". 

Those who say "This is my thought..." or "This is what I believe..." I give more weight and consideration to their perspective because they aren't trying to get me to believe what they think is the end-all be-all interpretation of a thing. If you have ever listened to my podcast (new episodes coming up soon), Prudes Need Not Apply, I have always stood by my position that my podcast is not about debating, nor is the podcast about trying to convince others to believe that what I say is true. The point is communication that leads to understanding perspectives is more effective and not attempting to prove "rightness" yields for a much more dynamic dialogue. The purpose of my conversations being grounded in understanding is that we live in a time with countless educated people in the world however, many still don't grasp how to comprehend various forms of communication. I'm a "read between the lines" person. As an Executive Coach, I'm also a non-verbal, somatic response observer. As a communications major in my graduate program, design and communication is my field of study so though I may not always communicate how others want me to, I always communicate and observe others' messaging via actual verbal or written messages or lack thereof. 

One of my professors once told me that "emotions are data". My coaching training has taught me to notice somatic responses to certain questions. These techniques have become powerful tools for me; in coaching and in life. One communicative issue for me is the idea of people either misunderstanding or misinterpreting my messages. This will cause someone to over-explain, then, after a while, shut down. What I mean by that is if someone is given the answer key to an exam and still fails, you kind of throw up your hands and say, "I gave you everything you needed to get it right." What we can't do is force anyone to comprehend the lessons or answers provided. So what do you do when that happens?

AI Generated - African American Couple - Poor Communication

There is no definitive answer to that question. We do what we think is the correct or reasonable response to a scenario regarding comprehending communication styles. For me, at my old age of old age, I often decide that after I have provided someone with the knowledge required to decipher clear or even some abstract communications, if that someone doesn't seek more clarity or understanding, I won't beat my head against a wall to try and make them understand me. I'm usually an open book and some people are not always interested in this book. I get it, and sometimes they love the story but get to a challenging chapter and want to change the story they have not written, so they may simple stop reading the book; never finishing the story. 

"TRU, What's the point of all of this?"

Well, glad you asked. The point of today's blog is that humans are arrogant (lol) and not many people can back that arrogance up with data and I acknowledge the differentiators of arrogance and confidence. We don't all know everything about any one person, however, we must start exercising more patience and empathy, especially when we have the desire to forge kindred relationships. A lot of people will miss out on beautiful relationships. They are so busy looking for themselves in others because they may think things will be easier. Nope. Not only should people be open to what the universe brings to us genuinely and lovingly but we should have faith and patience to cultivate a beautiful thing. 

May we all find our beautiful things and water them to be the best things in our lives. 

Stay TRU! 

The Bitter and Sweet Notes of Being in Love

In this writing, I'll use the words "we," "us," and "you" as a universal identifier. 

I'm growing to love my imperfections in a world where we talk about being imperfect yet expect the perfected version of imperfection. Imperfection is often viewed as a shortcoming of something that is expected to be absolute and complete. 

As a procrastinating perfectionist who lives with imposter syndrome, you can see how things can become complicated on the love frontier. What I believe to be true doesn't always align with what I think others think of me, or sometimes what I think of myself. I'm not necessarily an insecure person;, however everyone has their standards for what they believe to be the best thing for them and IF we are measuring meeting those standards, admittedly, many times I don't meet someone else's standards because I've never considered anyone else's standards but my own. Not that I'm selfish or anything, but I'm now more selfish than I've ever been. The good selfish. The most vulnerable thing one can do is often attached to the selfish impact that the vulnerable impact creates.

What if your vulnerability isn't the "right" level of vulnerability they are seeking, but all you can offer, at least right now? 

The bitter notes of love are when you begin to love, there is a chance that it will be unrequited or rejected. I know there is a sadness that surrounds a mindset that 

Maybe I'm looking for easy love, but there has never been an easy love. By easy, I mean effortless and nonintrusive, but love is one of the most intrusive things in this world. Honest love feels easy and still that's the hardest to navigate. The beauty of a thing is accompanied by the potential of the ugliest capabilities of that thing. The subjective idea of what is beautiful exists on the polarity spectrum of beauty and ugliness, meaning that for one of these identifiers to exist, the other must exist simultaneously on the polarity spectrum. All we can do is navigate between the two. 

Not sure how well I'm navigating, but come what may, I seek a beautiful and easy acceptance of me. Let's see what happens. 

I

 

I’ve wiped away the tears and no one was there to see

My heart aches so openly

What will you do?

Will you just stand aside and feel

Or will stand tall against the hate that hurt so many of us all

We are not alone

By TRU Ess, (c) 2025

CUHRAAAAAZYYYYYY

As we race toward another week, the 9th week of 2025 to be exact, the daunting task we must face is how to navigate a new global landscape of being in a country that is rapidly losing favor in the world. Granted, the inner turmoil of this country is definitely on display and after all, would you want to be friends with a bully drama queen/king??? It's fucking exhausting. 

 I've spent the last year recovering from my last 8 years in DC. Georgia nature, front porch star gazing, music, aromatic tobacco smoke of hand rolled cigars, laughter where there were once constant tears have given me a reset that was necessary. Do I have the answer to the question  "What's next?" Nope. I actually took a year off from working and now that I'm ready to jump back in, the US is in shambles. It's a fucking mess. 

But let's talk about something a little different because I can't say how much one conversation about the state of this janky jackleg government can send my blood pressure soaring. Let's talk about animals. Not just any animals, a pitbull.  Not just any pitbull. This pitbull. 

She almost looks like a sweetly sleeping pup. 

DON'T FALL FOR IT! SHE IS DECEPTIVE!!!

 This is Buttercup (aka "B-Cup", aka "Cuppy Cup"). She is one of my roommates.  The one that pays not nary a bill. 

She looks younger than she is but getting to know her this last year has been interesting, funny, infuriating,  all the emotions. Smh 

And now, "Story Time with TRU & Cuppy Cup".

I won't tell the year-long story but I will tell the story of the shady ass pup that got me the other day. This lil girl was on my sister's bed after she left for work. She knows she's not supposed to be. I told her to get down and she jumped down and began limping. Since I never believe her other deceitful acts, I was like "Cuppy, get down and go in the living room." She starts walking with a limp. I've never seen her limp. So me, being hoodwinked, gave her a treat where she lay because I didn't want her to move farther. Later she moved to her bed and stayed there until dinner time in the evening. As time goes on, I know she needs to go outside to use the outdoor doggie facility  (aka the lawn for her peeing and pooping). I decide, out of the goodness of my stupid heart, to put her coat on and carry her outside, down the stairs, and to the lawn so she wouldn't hurt herself. THIS MOFO STARTED WALKING NORMALLY WITHOUT ISSUE! Lil jerk. 

I walked her around the yard and she started rolling around and trotting. I wish you could have seen my face. 😐😠. I then put her on the wire leash outside and this so-and-so took off running from one side of the yard to the other. I yelled "FAKER!!!" and went in the house. Today she was leaping up the stairs outside and zooming around the yard. She's worse than people. Lol THE MALARKEY!!!