Seeking a Friend for the End of the World.

What if...

I just watched the last (maybe) 7 minutes of the movie "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World" with Steve Carell and Keira Knightley and I think I have seen the movie before in its entirety and knew the sweet heartbreaking end was coming. In the end, as they lie in bed talking, trying to distract themselves from the eminent ending quickly approaching, Keira's character  Penny says "I'm scared" and "I wish we had more time". She is frightened but you can see she's trying not to panic. Steve's character, Dodge, is calm and asks her where did she grow up. The peace he has found with the knowledge of knowing it's the end allows for the Penny to come to the same understanding that she, too, appreciates sharing this last moment with the love of her life. Her smile as the meteor arrives, (oh, if you haven't seen the movie, SPOILER! A meteor hits the earth.) Leaves viewers with the final view of Dodge's life; the peaceful smile of the woman he loves. 

That into leads me to ask this question: with all the stress in this country right now, what if tomorrow held the moments of the last view if your life? What or who would you want staring back at you as the brightest light you've ever experienced envelopes your very being, ... 

Just got a tornado warning. Gonna go now. Later...🤞🏾

This reality.

This is such a wicked world. Finding joy feels fruitless. 

Imagine If

Imagine if

You look at her and see your choice in forever

You see every weight added to life with the courtesy of holding close an affection that is your through way to a destiny coloured with deep shades of transparent blues and yellows

Her eyes are all you can see and they read a real story of love

She braced to become the woman you asked for on knees to a god you said you believed in

Your request was fulfilled 

Holding her hand to your chest to feel the heart you pledged to her in the darkest moments of the nights when she revealed every part of herself to you

The nights you said you will always be the man she deserves and desires 

Calming hands feel spaces on…in her that springs forth the entities guarding her soul and lead you down a pathway only you can walk.

The desire is there

Love grows and fills cups that spill over into reality; painting the most delicate of pictures as a watercolor on mulberry paper

Striking curves reminding you why you long for her

You return to get a glimpse, hear her soft breathing as you rub her curves and kiss the nape of her neck

But you have to pull away and fear you may never find this feeling again

So now, as the dawn shows itself,  this will only be a memory

She will have to be a memory

But imagine…if you held all of what you feel for her...

And gave it to your wife

(C) 2024, TRU ESSENCE 

A Song to Die To

 

A song to die to

Everything in my existence has led me to this very moment. 

Every experience; 

every moment; 

every choice; 

every pain; 

every breath.

I’m here and not sure how I traveled from the place where my feet first planted on the earth 

to the place as they escape the pain of the unknown

With nothing but the perfect melody to guide the way

 just some poetically inspired moments: Back to it. 

Distinctly Knowing

Written by TRU Essence 

He looked at me differently

He listened to my words and heard my laughter
And he looked at me differently
His words slowed and he nodded at a point I didn’t realize I’d made
He held my hand but never looked at it
To see the lines that ran across the palm that held onto life like a child to its pacifier
He never saw my lines
He just held the very definition of me in his hands and never once looked

But today, he looked at me differently
The lights were not low
The music was not playing
Sensations traveling throughout the body and mind
Distracting us both from who was right in front of, behind, beneath or on top
Pleasure felt just because it was another body, not because it was us
Fully understanding and not expecting that he would take stock in the moment
We moved as ghosts in a new town
Not familiar but traveling through to find a good thing
To haunt for the rest of our days
But it was never intended for us to travel through eternity
Just a moment in this time

He never noticed my smile lines when he arrived at my door
I didn’t think he noticed my smile at all
Almost ashamed to see me as I am,
maybe he’s looking through me to see the end of his reason for coming
the noise of the background thoughts requires my attention to keep me safe from acknowledging that he doesn’t see me
I don’t know how my name sounds rolling off his tongue

I’m not even sure anymore if I am truly his destination or if I’m a pre-determined destination that he forgot to remove from his gps
I opened my world and he willingly walked in
We both understood, is what he says
And we both understood
“It is what it is” often turns to “I didn’t know what it could become” and
“if I had only known”
But we know, we knew and now we move on

I feel the bond that he doesn’t and know it’s of my own conditioning
To find anyone that will allow my love to abide inside
His heart was full of the many who sit and wonder if he even saw their smile lines
The closest I can get to his heart is a random text simply saying “Hey you.”
Years go by and numbers forgotten, faces lost in the crowd and my loneliness sustains itself
But “Hey you” arrives and I still find myself smiling; though I hate that I do

He doesn’t know me
He only knew me
He doesn’t want me
He just wanted me
It was convenient to want me without the wanting
I found myself wanting what I couldn’t have
While he had what he didn’t want
Match made in dysfunctional social heaven
We’re all citizens
We will haunt each other for the rest of our days

Because we know that somewhere in the world is an empty soul
That matches our own
Even if we cannot confess it to ourselves








(c) 2023 Tara L. Aldridge, Weeping Fountain Books

Not Me

Not Me

by TRU Ess 

((c) T.L.A. 2021)

I know her name

and it is not my name

I know he speaks sweetly to her 

in a way that is unique to her 

and not quite the sweetness he spoke to me with

but it's hers

I know her name

and it is not my name

I know that his thought space my image use to occupy 

now is a space with a new occupant

who decorates that space with different tapestries, candles, and fragrances

much different than the heart decor I designed for my time in that space

a lease that I thought would turn into ownership but became prorated

but it's no longer my space

and I know her name

and it is not my name

I read her name but never spoke it out loud

It wouldn't make her any less real to hear it 

but it made it more real 

that I would never be in that space again

The calm felt was a mixture of relief and resistance

Maybe if I were more angry this would make sense

but instead, I pause

and try to remember the quality of his voice as he said my name while I lived in his heart space

It was melodic and many times symphonic

but it arrived to the last stanza, the last bar, the last note, the last rest

It was done

and everyone left the hall to head into different directions

she now accompanies him on his journey

It is not for me to know where it leads them

but I turn right, and head down my own road

being conscious of how much my image dissipates as he travels more into his journey and I into mine

in the moments my heart feels what I think may look like sadness

I remember that I know her name

and her name is not my name

and I smile and keep walking forward down my road to wherever

 

Into the thick of it.

Following an Unseen Vision

 My thoughts may be a bit disjointed today so forgive me in advance for the circles I feel I'm about to write in. 

There is a real struggle to not give up. Many people assume that if one gives up on anything that it's a sign of weakness and showing no effort to succeed.  People assume this based on their own ability to be successful of their goals or the "you can do anything you put you mind to do" subjective reality. So, we judge. 

When someone is struggling with life, we judge.  Whether it's difficulty in relationships or career, with the seemingly eternal thoughts within oneself, or with life, this conflicting society says in one breath "you are loved and we see you" and "you're not strong enough and therefore less valued so we're going to look away because the weak don't matter".

Weakness 

Loneliness 

Scarcity 

Hopelessness 

Fear

These are just a few descriptors that cycle in the background for many of us and they influence every part of our anxiety filled lives. How we show up in the world may not tell the whole story of our challenges with life and living. 

Some people broadcast their challenges and that's not a bad thing because we are often told to speak up but we have become a desensitized society that says one thing and does the opposite. 

Family is all that matters then family betrays you.

Friends will be there when you need them but everyone has their own shit who can really be there for anyone. 

There is someone for everyone but no one ever comes. 

Don't want to be a burden so the "weak" and lonely fight to keep holding on to everything that supposed to matter with white knuckles.

What happens when your grasp begins to loosen and not holding on feels more like relief than failure??