The Struggle of Love

We encounter experiences where we are forced to come to terms with the difficulties that insert themselves in how, who and why we choose to love.  The biggest mistake someone can make is to think maintaining love will be easy.  Yes, the love feels good. It makes you feel all dreamy and gushy inside but what happens when the honeymoon phase is over? How do you keep yourself from getting annoyed at everything and take off running?

The good thing about real and true love is you understand that it takes work and sometimes it doesn't feel all dreamy and gushy,  Loving someone takes discipline. Loving someone takes patience. I know many people aren't religious but whether you are or not, the "love scriptures" are always good for anyone to know because it lays down a true foundation of what is required to love.

I Corinthians 13: 4-7

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

When someone loves, they will wait for that person they love and exercise patience in a way that reflect love in the hopes that growth is possible.   We understand that we have our own timeline when we want things to happen but in reality, things don't always happen when we want them to and this is the part of love that begins the discipline process of considering others in our plans to move forward.  Being patient calls one to have time to be thoughtful about what hey truly want in love and the more they understand their position of confidence, there is no reason to be envious or even boastful in a relationship because there is a natural essence of love that is free flowing and others will see it without you saying a word.  You don't have to ask a person if they are happy if they emote happiness in their speech, action and countenance.

5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,

Love behaves and isn't selfish.  You can see in the lineup of the scriptures that you can't do any of the proceeding guidelines without the patience.  How can you be mindful of your actions and words without being patient enough to assess your feelings and thoughts on how to "be"?  Understanding who you are and what you want in life and love helps you to be secure and respectful of not just others but yourself.

When you are in love with someone, the concept of 'only what I want' goes out of the window.  You aren't in a relationship with yourself so you can't decide everything on your own and it isn't smart to dismiss others feelings or thoughts because it doesn't tie in with what makes you comfortable at the moment.  As a person grows in life, biologically, they are aware of the changes because they become uncomfortable in the place they are in.  If a child tells you "Mommy/Daddy, my feet hurt."  Their discomfort tells the parent that they have grown and in a case like that, the parent must get new shoes for the child. One way we know our relationships are growing to a different phase is when the challenges come and you begin to feel uncomfortable.  Many people don't move beyond where they are because when they get an inkling of discomfort, instead of facing it head on, working through the discomfort to get to a new level of understand about self and their love, they revert back to behaviors and patterns that are comfortable for them.

Why eat a salad that will help you be healthier when you can get that loaded pizza and soda with wings, sit on the couch and watch a movie?  Consider the end result if you do the latter on a regular basis. Sickness comes.  When we don't move to find better ways to cope with challenge in an effort to grow, we risk having sick relationships and some relationships die as a result.

it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

 From experience and example, I've learned that many relationships are tainted with anger and grudges.  It reminds me of a Gladys Knight and the Pips song. "Neither one of us". The chorus says "Neither one of us wants to be the first to say goodbye".  Saying goodbye isn't always necessary in rough times in a relationship but when you have so much anger for your partner and can't let go of either mistakes or wrong choices (considering that the person had apologized and tried to make up for it), instead of understanding that maybe you aren't meant to be, people stay but are miserable.   They are miserable because they haven't let go. What's the point of staying with someone if you are just going to torture them and yourself?  Seek a resolution of resolve to let go. Not that simple, I know, but something has to give.

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

There is an essential component of honesty that is required in relationships.  Most relationships end because of the actions and feelings that are attached to some form of deceit.  Honesty is so important. Even if it's a painful truth, I'd prefer a painful truth that wills dissolve with time and cause me to not harbor ill will towards someone. There is something about deceptive behaviors the makes it hard for people not want to trust anymore.  I believe people can recover from trust issues because trust can be rebuilt but it takes work but it comes back to discipline.  Patience to understand who you are and what you want helps with how you love and why you love.  How and why you love speaks in your motives for loving and how you approach the people you love and resolve issues.  There can be no true resolutions without honesty.  We dismiss how important honesty is but without it, there is no point being in a relationship.  If you decide as a couple that you're going to lie to each other, more power to you.

7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres

Finally, when you love someone, you want them safe; mind, body and soul.  There is a protection that is implied when you trust someone with your heart and body.  There is a trust that comes with including someone else in your life. There is a level of hope that this is the right move to make and person to love and in that hope, you want it to last.  The discipline of loving is a lasting process is powerful and truthfully, many people haven't come to the place of discipline to love wholly and truly but as we live, we learn. I'm glad that each day I'm given a chance to forgive, love in truth and find happiness.  Even if everyday isn't the happiest, there is something about knowing you love someone and they love you back that gets you through the challenging times.


Be patient with love.  Work at it. Hopefully, happiness will attach itself to you even in the tough times. Be blessed. Be disciplined in love. B@Peace!